sick and psycho.
Undoubtedly, no one will read this. Dur dur dur.
But I have something to say.
My mind is always racing, from subject to subject.
I cannot focus on one particular thing.
But there you are... Always on my mind.
Life was a lot easier before love.
Life was a lot easier before wisdom.
Life also sucked before things happened.
Life is hell knowing what love is.
Life is hell without ignorance.
Life is hell all around, but we can get through it.
I fell in love, once, and I did it again.
I was hurt and smashed both time.
But looky here, I'm still around.
Everywhere I look holds a memory.
It makes me nauseous knowing that I could have prevented it all.
Every sound I hear holds a thought, and it makes me sick to know it could have never happened, but it did.
Did you know that being in trouble for something you actually did feels one hell of a lot better than being scared when you did nothing wrong?
Did you know that sometimes people get confused and think that they are talking about one thing, when the truth is, they actually did lie about another thing.
Ignorance is bliss I tell you. Pure bliss...
But when ignorance gets in the way of a friendship, it is the most retarded thing in the world.
My heart aches to see his face again. His deep green eyes, his pale skin contrasted by his freckles.
His flaming hair that falls just right to make me melt. He put my heart back together again, and stole it.
And now he is gone and I miss him.
Did you know this: I could probably be a mastermind villain?
I screwed up bad last night, and I am trying hard to fix it, but thinking about the past and the way I think... Dude, I could totally pull it off.
Yes, I am fucked up. I have gone psychotic. I am insane. But those can be fixed. Just give me time? Or will time make it worse?
Please though... No more meds! I hate them! They make me feel like I don't belong anymore.
God, it is so sickening to realize no one wants to be around you, because you look funny and act like a horrible child. There is comfort in being tortured due to stupidity. But there is a tension in the hospital that sucks fucking balls. I never want to go back. Not even to visit. But they will make me go back. I don't want to though. Because my wounds will heal on there own. I have God on my side.
God loves me, and won't let anything happen to me that I cannot handle.
I've been through worse, right?
All I really wanted to say was this:
People lie all the time, and don't always remember. Others do remember maybe one little white lie.
It hurts like fuck when someone says "you complicate things." and also when someone stops talking to you without telling you first.
My mind is able to understand things that deal with emotions and make perfect sense of them. My heart yearns to help them feel safe and warm.
But my mind does not receive that much logic. Or think it.
I know that it is wrong to involve somebody in something else, but there are times when it needs to happen. I didn't want poor Shawn to have be part of my craziness, but I had tell someone something, and did not have the ability to do so. So, I pleaded with Shawn to do it for me. I don't know why he did. I don't know what he said. But I can tell you. I was scared, and people were scared of me. It was probably the worst feeling in the world. Poor Shawn, and the special person he talked to. I feel horrible, and I wanted to fix it, but by the time I was at a point where I was safe, I could not function. Did I mention hospitals suck balls? I didn't tell the next person I saw anything. I just said... "If this guy wants to stop talking to me, tell him I say goodbye. I don't want to, but I will if he wants me to. I want to be friends, but its perfectly okay if he doesn't want to. Just... Why did this happen?"
And... I still wonder... Why did these things happen? Not that you could answer, not that I expect one... not that anyone is going to read this. But I wonder... Why it all happened.
But I have something to say.
My mind is always racing, from subject to subject.
I cannot focus on one particular thing.
But there you are... Always on my mind.
Life was a lot easier before love.
Life was a lot easier before wisdom.
Life also sucked before things happened.
Life is hell knowing what love is.
Life is hell without ignorance.
Life is hell all around, but we can get through it.
I fell in love, once, and I did it again.
I was hurt and smashed both time.
But looky here, I'm still around.
Everywhere I look holds a memory.
It makes me nauseous knowing that I could have prevented it all.
Every sound I hear holds a thought, and it makes me sick to know it could have never happened, but it did.
Did you know that being in trouble for something you actually did feels one hell of a lot better than being scared when you did nothing wrong?
Did you know that sometimes people get confused and think that they are talking about one thing, when the truth is, they actually did lie about another thing.
Ignorance is bliss I tell you. Pure bliss...
But when ignorance gets in the way of a friendship, it is the most retarded thing in the world.
My heart aches to see his face again. His deep green eyes, his pale skin contrasted by his freckles.
His flaming hair that falls just right to make me melt. He put my heart back together again, and stole it.
And now he is gone and I miss him.
Did you know this: I could probably be a mastermind villain?
I screwed up bad last night, and I am trying hard to fix it, but thinking about the past and the way I think... Dude, I could totally pull it off.
Yes, I am fucked up. I have gone psychotic. I am insane. But those can be fixed. Just give me time? Or will time make it worse?
Please though... No more meds! I hate them! They make me feel like I don't belong anymore.
God, it is so sickening to realize no one wants to be around you, because you look funny and act like a horrible child. There is comfort in being tortured due to stupidity. But there is a tension in the hospital that sucks fucking balls. I never want to go back. Not even to visit. But they will make me go back. I don't want to though. Because my wounds will heal on there own. I have God on my side.
God loves me, and won't let anything happen to me that I cannot handle.
I've been through worse, right?
All I really wanted to say was this:
People lie all the time, and don't always remember. Others do remember maybe one little white lie.
It hurts like fuck when someone says "you complicate things." and also when someone stops talking to you without telling you first.
My mind is able to understand things that deal with emotions and make perfect sense of them. My heart yearns to help them feel safe and warm.
But my mind does not receive that much logic. Or think it.
I know that it is wrong to involve somebody in something else, but there are times when it needs to happen. I didn't want poor Shawn to have be part of my craziness, but I had tell someone something, and did not have the ability to do so. So, I pleaded with Shawn to do it for me. I don't know why he did. I don't know what he said. But I can tell you. I was scared, and people were scared of me. It was probably the worst feeling in the world. Poor Shawn, and the special person he talked to. I feel horrible, and I wanted to fix it, but by the time I was at a point where I was safe, I could not function. Did I mention hospitals suck balls? I didn't tell the next person I saw anything. I just said... "If this guy wants to stop talking to me, tell him I say goodbye. I don't want to, but I will if he wants me to. I want to be friends, but its perfectly okay if he doesn't want to. Just... Why did this happen?"
And... I still wonder... Why did these things happen? Not that you could answer, not that I expect one... not that anyone is going to read this. But I wonder... Why it all happened.