It's Been a Bad Day
No, really. It -has- been an awful day.
Terefaye crashed. I don't know what happened. All I know is that the server ate my player file, and that Johnathan is currently busy looking for a new server to replace the old one. In the mean time, all building will cease to exist and I am going back to writing Footsteps of Glory and artseying myself up for the duel-i-have-not-finished.
I spoke to Christopher for the first time since our breakup today, too. I woke up this morning with Rachel's words in my head. I won't really, truly be over him until I can talk to him without caring. And so I did it. It was very spur of the moment, and, in retrospect, I feel stupid, because it was a conversation that was as awkward as hell. At least I felt nothing while chatting. Nothing. So that's one up.
Lerayas's player and I spoke a bit today. He brought up some things about Johnathan that I didn't want to hear. Not at this point, not now. I didn't want to believe a single word of what he told me, because Johnathan is friend. He's more than a friend. But to hear those accusations about him just made me so mad. And it was even worse because the person I was really mad at was myself.
For the tiniest of moments, I doubted him. Him, who saw me through the breakup, and stayed with me online during my hangover. He, who stuck with me through my highs and lows.
He doesn't deserve my doubt. And I hate myself for letting myself be affected by something told to me by someone I hardly know. I mean, for heaven's sake, I call Johnathan 'Nathan' now, because his name was just too darn long. I'm not even on a first name basis with most of my friends from CoM, but he was just one of the few. One of the VERY, VERY low number of TEN.
So why did the accusation hit me so hard?
After that enchilada, I found out Sharyl scraped her car. And for crying out loud, stupid Destiny, Murphy, and Karma! This has GOT to stop! She's gone through ENOUGH freaking crap when it comes to cars and driving! Go adle with someone else's nerves next. But don't you dare pick mine, because I have had just about the worst day already.
Oh. There is more. Believe me, there is more.
The application results for the local universities came out three and a half hours ago. I clicked. I checked.
I didn't make the cut. I just copied-pasted the words from the site here, but I just couldn't look at them. So I deleted them. But the gist of it is that I didn't make the cut.
I don't even know why I'm so depressed over this. I wanted this. Because I didn't get into some sucky course in a local uni, my mother will not make me accept that course, which shall potentially have me in a lumberyard in some rainforest reserve chopping down some pretty pretty trees. So I get to go to HELP to do Journalism, as per what I wanted.
As per what I've wanted forever.
So why do I still feel like crying? Why do I need to breathe into a paper bag? Is it because I haven't told my mother yet? Is it because most of my form six friends are going to a local uni, and I'm not? Is it because, of all four of my mom and ima's kids, I am the ONLY one who has failed to make the cut?
I don't know why. I just don't know.
What's worse is that I had a fight with Jean Louis. Not exactly a hack-slash claws fight, but there were a lot of words. Lots of thoughts were exchanged.
If there was a rung beneath the ladder of perpetual cruddiness, I am now above that rung. Heck, I am so high up there, there isn't another higher rung. I'm gonna need a taller ladder now.
I just don't know what got into me. He was stressed, I was stressed, and it was just stupid, trying to talk to him. I just needed someone to talk to. I needed a... friendly word. A hug. Some form of mild condolonces.
I need to charbroil my head.
I went offline soon afterwards. But we did kinda sorta leave on a good note, so... =/
I washed my hair twice and fed Cpt. Jack. Put toner and moisturiser on my face and conditioned my hair. Twice. Drank some really horrible coke.
I'm back at my laptop and I realised.
I don't feel sleepy at all.
Today has just been awful. Tomorrow had better be better.
Terefaye crashed. I don't know what happened. All I know is that the server ate my player file, and that Johnathan is currently busy looking for a new server to replace the old one. In the mean time, all building will cease to exist and I am going back to writing Footsteps of Glory and artseying myself up for the duel-i-have-not-finished.
I spoke to Christopher for the first time since our breakup today, too. I woke up this morning with Rachel's words in my head. I won't really, truly be over him until I can talk to him without caring. And so I did it. It was very spur of the moment, and, in retrospect, I feel stupid, because it was a conversation that was as awkward as hell. At least I felt nothing while chatting. Nothing. So that's one up.
Lerayas's player and I spoke a bit today. He brought up some things about Johnathan that I didn't want to hear. Not at this point, not now. I didn't want to believe a single word of what he told me, because Johnathan is friend. He's more than a friend. But to hear those accusations about him just made me so mad. And it was even worse because the person I was really mad at was myself.
For the tiniest of moments, I doubted him. Him, who saw me through the breakup, and stayed with me online during my hangover. He, who stuck with me through my highs and lows.
He doesn't deserve my doubt. And I hate myself for letting myself be affected by something told to me by someone I hardly know. I mean, for heaven's sake, I call Johnathan 'Nathan' now, because his name was just too darn long. I'm not even on a first name basis with most of my friends from CoM, but he was just one of the few. One of the VERY, VERY low number of TEN.
So why did the accusation hit me so hard?
After that enchilada, I found out Sharyl scraped her car. And for crying out loud, stupid Destiny, Murphy, and Karma! This has GOT to stop! She's gone through ENOUGH freaking crap when it comes to cars and driving! Go adle with someone else's nerves next. But don't you dare pick mine, because I have had just about the worst day already.
Oh. There is more. Believe me, there is more.
The application results for the local universities came out three and a half hours ago. I clicked. I checked.
I didn't make the cut. I just copied-pasted the words from the site here, but I just couldn't look at them. So I deleted them. But the gist of it is that I didn't make the cut.
I don't even know why I'm so depressed over this. I wanted this. Because I didn't get into some sucky course in a local uni, my mother will not make me accept that course, which shall potentially have me in a lumberyard in some rainforest reserve chopping down some pretty pretty trees. So I get to go to HELP to do Journalism, as per what I wanted.
As per what I've wanted forever.
So why do I still feel like crying? Why do I need to breathe into a paper bag? Is it because I haven't told my mother yet? Is it because most of my form six friends are going to a local uni, and I'm not? Is it because, of all four of my mom and ima's kids, I am the ONLY one who has failed to make the cut?
I don't know why. I just don't know.
What's worse is that I had a fight with Jean Louis. Not exactly a hack-slash claws fight, but there were a lot of words. Lots of thoughts were exchanged.
If there was a rung beneath the ladder of perpetual cruddiness, I am now above that rung. Heck, I am so high up there, there isn't another higher rung. I'm gonna need a taller ladder now.
I just don't know what got into me. He was stressed, I was stressed, and it was just stupid, trying to talk to him. I just needed someone to talk to. I needed a... friendly word. A hug. Some form of mild condolonces.
I need to charbroil my head.
I went offline soon afterwards. But we did kinda sorta leave on a good note, so... =/
I washed my hair twice and fed Cpt. Jack. Put toner and moisturiser on my face and conditioned my hair. Twice. Drank some really horrible coke.
I'm back at my laptop and I realised.
I don't feel sleepy at all.
Today has just been awful. Tomorrow had better be better.