further success in me being right.
he is in love with another girl. yes, another girl. Her name is nicole. and he's in love with her. I'm serious. And i cant feel a thing. Not because i've taken anything or whatever, i just cant. Maybe it's because last night was way too hectic, maybe because ... i dont feel that way about him anymore... maybe it's because of the new guy or because i just woke up and i'm not thinking. Thats gonna get to me though. i know it. i cant tell kendall. She'd just get pissed. I cant really tell anyone.. i've already bothered so many people too much. and if she makes him happy then let it be. But it kills me that he would say that kinda puclicly. would he want me to know that? i guess he's just trying to make me ease off him a little. That one last round of disapointment just killed any hope we had so haha it's all my fault once again. I think i should stay away from relationships. They dont do anything good... and i cant do anything good in them. funny huh? i need to tell everyone everything or i cant survive. i'm a prying idiot who needs other peooples support constantly. and i have somethingin my eye.i dont need him right? right.. i still have a sinking feeling that i do. But hey he doesnt need me so what does it matter to anyone and stuff... i wish i didnt need him. maybe i dont. i mean after 3 years something has changed. He doesnt love two people at the same time. He told her that he loved her. And when he says it he doesnt mean like friends. I know him too well to know that. maybei should stop talking to him... n.. no i cant really survive like that... arg i dont know. Maybe i should delete all the songs in my ipod that remind me of him.. maybe i should delete my account and go live on a tropical island far away from his tropical island. Lets face it. He would be much happier without me. I'm a lot of stress. especially to the people who love me.. so maybe it owuld be smarter not to have friends and relationships and just to work on my career for the rest of my life.. no i woudlnt be happy like that.. but does it matter? not really... even if i did want to tell kendall she would just say that it was my fault for being curious. And it is. It really is. And i know it. It doesnt matter... he can love her.. you cant love two people at the same time.. some how i got beleifs on love but not on anything else. now i'm a little sad. not because of eri... or maybe it is... i think it's mainly about not being able to tell kndal anything anymore.. i usually tell her everything.. i shouldnt though. she gets too stressed out from it. so i wont tell her.. maybe i wont tell anyone.. no that will eat at me.. i should put his ring away... and put it all in a place where i'll never ever see it again... yea.. i dont need that box right? who needs it. Not me. not anyone. i shouldnt send it back to him. plus i want to keep it... as stupid as that sounds. he wont be upset from me anymore.. i should probably stop answering him... that would be for the best... really it would.. he makes me sad.. so why not just stop speaking with him.. i dont think he's coming to austin with his bro anyway.. i mean why would he? that girl is coming to him. So why would he leave for no reason? i miss last year... that was a better year. now i really dont want to say anything more. because i know i'll start crying. andi dont want that. no no no. none of that so i'll see you all later.