(no subject)
I just watched Penelope online. It was ok, I didnt like the ending. If you dont know, its about a girl born with a curse that supposedly makes her look liek a pig and every man that meets her (supposedly the curse is broken by marriage of a man of similar financial status) runs screaming and jump out of windows to get away from her. But she doesnt even look that bad. The only thing pig like is her nose, and even that is just a toned down version of a pigs nose. anyways, if you dont want the ending spoiled dont finish this paragraph, but in the end, it turns out that the way to break the curse is for her to be ok with herself and love herself as she is. The whole movie i was hoping she wouldnt change, because all that says is that what she has IS a horrible curse, that she needs to change, it tells girls (or guys i guess) that her problem was disgusting, it needed to be changed. It tells people that have a problem, that suffer from embarassment by other people or that idolize the media and the standard that is set, that, from the media, from a strong voice in society, from a main voice to these girls regardless of whether it is right or wrong, that her problem was changed, that your problem needs to be changed. Or even that if you fall in love all your problems will be solved. Well in the end, she realizes that she is ok with herself and how she is, and that breaks the curse. Which i didnt really liek either, i mean, if she is ok with herself, if she honestly loves herself the way she is, waht is the point of changing it? It just shows people again that she needed to be changed. taht she was given a gift of change, that she really didnt think she needed after all.
I dont know i am probably reading too much into it. Im probably going against alot of things i have said or posted before. Its just that the issue of girls and self image is really important to me. It is not societies fault for all of the eating disorders, self mutilation, etc, but i honestly really believe it does have a big effect. I dotn think anyone is their own person, who can get all of their value from inside themselves. Is it even possible to get all of our value, or self worth from God? Maybe possible isnt the right word, but does anybody really? right or wrong, as hard as i try not to, people's opinions of me, not everyone, and not to the same extents, but one way or another, end up being important to me. It feels wrong not to, its also abused often, maybe thats my problem. Its hard to love someone if they wont let you give worth to them though. It hurts, its wrong. Maybe the message i am thinking of is the thought that no ones bad opinion matters, but everyones good opinion does, maybe thats what im really upset with. I just dont like the message of "its ok, who cares what others think, the only opinion that matters is your opinion of yourself. Oh, and since you learned this lesson, here is a new nose, because by most of societies standars, your nose is hideous and wrong, but their opinion doesnt matter....but here's a new nose..."
I have also decided, now more than ever, that i really HATE growing up. I miss my cousins. I miss seeing my family all the time. I miss being aroudn them, i miss there being no schedules, no time frames, no aloted meeting times. I miss us all being together on sundays and the only things that got in the way were church not getting out soon enough and having to go home and go to bed. Now its, i live in another city, i have a family, i am getting married, i have a meeting at this time, i have to go to work, i odnt want to come. Not that those things are all bad, i mean I would never wish to ruin the lives that they all have, just so i can be wiht them all again, but i miss it like CRAZY. I miss them all. I miss how my grandparents used to be. I miss my old grandma, she's not completely different, shes not completely gone, but she is getting older and her dementia is slowly getting worse. I miss fishing with my grandpa on the marsh.
I decided that i am going to stop sitting back and missing everythign and start spending time with my family as much as i can. I want to go fishing iwht my grandpa this summer. I want to spend time with my grandma, do nothing, go grocery shopping liek we used to. Bake with her, have her teach me to cook things, that was one of the best gifts she gave me, the love of food, the love of learning, the love of cooking, all connected to the love she had for her family and seeing them all come together to eat and laugh. I wrote Anne and I told her that i think we should ahve a yearly, or even twice a year (in my opinion) cousin reunion and spend the night at my grandparents. Have macaroni and cheese for dinner, eat way too much ice cream, have homemade mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast. Listen to John Denver. Even that doesnt matter, although i would love it, i just want to be with them, i want us all to know we still have each other. There are 9 of us, i am the 6th, the oldest Heather has a family and lives near Lansing, Beth is getting married, sandee has a partner and is in Iowa, Anne has a life of her own up in Ypsi, David and Haley and Keith are growing up, Howie is figuring things out. I know its not likely that they will all be able to come, or that they all will even want to, but i dotn care, maybe i will kidnap them anyways.
We are going to Hocking hills this year for Easter (my immediate family goes every other year), and our parents rented two cabins, one for them, and one for the 20 somethings. So i am extremely excited. And there is a hot tub at each cabin, so i guess that helps. But I cant wait to be with everyone. I hate that its only for 2 days, but i will take it over nothing. It will be the last trip down there before Beth is married, so i think it means alot to all of us.
anyways, i feel like im getting too sentimental.
i cant wait. I miss my family. I ran from them for so long because i hated the changes. Now I want to stop wasting time and be with them. Just enjoy life with them. Stop trying and just enjoy, take it all in.
I've been really scared of my past. I dton want to think about it, partly because of pain, partly because i dont want to turn into one of those people who gets so caught up in what has happened to htem, that they blame any fault of theirs on it adn refuse to move forward. But thankfully (and finally) I have started, somewhat , and slowly remembering things, facing thigns maybe.
I admit that this whole post is the result of me getting out my Best of John Denver CD. I was bawling my eyes out making chocolate chip cookies and thinking of my grandparents adn all the memories and people tied to them lol. but i cant believe how much they taught me, how much they put into me, how much they gave me. Maybe this is boring to everybody, but i guess it helps me to write it out. I guess the point of this journal isnt to entertain everyone, so i guess i will stop apologizing all the time.
they taught me
Love, above all else
Love for each other. They are extremely in love with each other, still, they cant hide it, they dont flaunt it, it comes out naturally and it is extremely strong. They have showed me what real love between a man and a woman looks, like what it does for each other. Not to settle for anything less. I will never marry out of loneliness, i will never just settle for anyhitng less than love.
Love for their family. I cant even go into this. I think it is extremely evident, and it is shown through their kids, friends, grandkids, great grand kids. It is their gift that they have given, the importance of family. I see it in my parents, my aunts and uncles, their relationships with their friends, kids. I know it is because of them, because it is that same love.
Love for anyone who crosses their path. They invite people in, no questions, they allow themselves to be used, they think nothing of it. THey give and give and give and give. They dont ask questions. They dont think of getting anythign in return.
Love of a house full of people, and a love of them all sitting aroudn their table and eating. This is my favorite, partly because i benefit from it lol and partly because, basically if my life consisted of having the people i love over, and feeding them, spending time together, i would not be upset.
They are content when they are with the ones they love.
My grandpa's not afraid to cry, but he is not a wimp about it. He gets sweaty eyes when everyone is together on the holidays.
They encourage, they tell people they love them, they show it. i hear it all the time, over and over and over, I can never say i am not loved, i can never for a second belive that i am not, and so many times i brush it off.
Their love for the outdoors. For the quiet. For the little things. For the mundane. They find a joy, an excitement, a wonder in it all. They ahve something figured out about life that i dont know. They see something in the things that i look over, that i think are boring, that arent exciting enough to capture my attention.
A love of art from my Grandma
A love of crude and inappropriate jokes from my Grandpa
i probably could go on forever. I know these things, i dotn always do them. But i know them, i know how much they are loved, i know they exist, i cant go through life unnaware of them. I have grown up in love, and i am extremely lucky for it. I am just beginning to realize how lucky. I hope that i can be used to show the love they have to others.
I dont know i am probably reading too much into it. Im probably going against alot of things i have said or posted before. Its just that the issue of girls and self image is really important to me. It is not societies fault for all of the eating disorders, self mutilation, etc, but i honestly really believe it does have a big effect. I dotn think anyone is their own person, who can get all of their value from inside themselves. Is it even possible to get all of our value, or self worth from God? Maybe possible isnt the right word, but does anybody really? right or wrong, as hard as i try not to, people's opinions of me, not everyone, and not to the same extents, but one way or another, end up being important to me. It feels wrong not to, its also abused often, maybe thats my problem. Its hard to love someone if they wont let you give worth to them though. It hurts, its wrong. Maybe the message i am thinking of is the thought that no ones bad opinion matters, but everyones good opinion does, maybe thats what im really upset with. I just dont like the message of "its ok, who cares what others think, the only opinion that matters is your opinion of yourself. Oh, and since you learned this lesson, here is a new nose, because by most of societies standars, your nose is hideous and wrong, but their opinion doesnt matter....but here's a new nose..."
I have also decided, now more than ever, that i really HATE growing up. I miss my cousins. I miss seeing my family all the time. I miss being aroudn them, i miss there being no schedules, no time frames, no aloted meeting times. I miss us all being together on sundays and the only things that got in the way were church not getting out soon enough and having to go home and go to bed. Now its, i live in another city, i have a family, i am getting married, i have a meeting at this time, i have to go to work, i odnt want to come. Not that those things are all bad, i mean I would never wish to ruin the lives that they all have, just so i can be wiht them all again, but i miss it like CRAZY. I miss them all. I miss how my grandparents used to be. I miss my old grandma, she's not completely different, shes not completely gone, but she is getting older and her dementia is slowly getting worse. I miss fishing with my grandpa on the marsh.
I decided that i am going to stop sitting back and missing everythign and start spending time with my family as much as i can. I want to go fishing iwht my grandpa this summer. I want to spend time with my grandma, do nothing, go grocery shopping liek we used to. Bake with her, have her teach me to cook things, that was one of the best gifts she gave me, the love of food, the love of learning, the love of cooking, all connected to the love she had for her family and seeing them all come together to eat and laugh. I wrote Anne and I told her that i think we should ahve a yearly, or even twice a year (in my opinion) cousin reunion and spend the night at my grandparents. Have macaroni and cheese for dinner, eat way too much ice cream, have homemade mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast. Listen to John Denver. Even that doesnt matter, although i would love it, i just want to be with them, i want us all to know we still have each other. There are 9 of us, i am the 6th, the oldest Heather has a family and lives near Lansing, Beth is getting married, sandee has a partner and is in Iowa, Anne has a life of her own up in Ypsi, David and Haley and Keith are growing up, Howie is figuring things out. I know its not likely that they will all be able to come, or that they all will even want to, but i dotn care, maybe i will kidnap them anyways.
We are going to Hocking hills this year for Easter (my immediate family goes every other year), and our parents rented two cabins, one for them, and one for the 20 somethings. So i am extremely excited. And there is a hot tub at each cabin, so i guess that helps. But I cant wait to be with everyone. I hate that its only for 2 days, but i will take it over nothing. It will be the last trip down there before Beth is married, so i think it means alot to all of us.
anyways, i feel like im getting too sentimental.
i cant wait. I miss my family. I ran from them for so long because i hated the changes. Now I want to stop wasting time and be with them. Just enjoy life with them. Stop trying and just enjoy, take it all in.
I've been really scared of my past. I dton want to think about it, partly because of pain, partly because i dont want to turn into one of those people who gets so caught up in what has happened to htem, that they blame any fault of theirs on it adn refuse to move forward. But thankfully (and finally) I have started, somewhat , and slowly remembering things, facing thigns maybe.
I admit that this whole post is the result of me getting out my Best of John Denver CD. I was bawling my eyes out making chocolate chip cookies and thinking of my grandparents adn all the memories and people tied to them lol. but i cant believe how much they taught me, how much they put into me, how much they gave me. Maybe this is boring to everybody, but i guess it helps me to write it out. I guess the point of this journal isnt to entertain everyone, so i guess i will stop apologizing all the time.
they taught me
Love, above all else
Love for each other. They are extremely in love with each other, still, they cant hide it, they dont flaunt it, it comes out naturally and it is extremely strong. They have showed me what real love between a man and a woman looks, like what it does for each other. Not to settle for anything less. I will never marry out of loneliness, i will never just settle for anyhitng less than love.
Love for their family. I cant even go into this. I think it is extremely evident, and it is shown through their kids, friends, grandkids, great grand kids. It is their gift that they have given, the importance of family. I see it in my parents, my aunts and uncles, their relationships with their friends, kids. I know it is because of them, because it is that same love.
Love for anyone who crosses their path. They invite people in, no questions, they allow themselves to be used, they think nothing of it. THey give and give and give and give. They dont ask questions. They dont think of getting anythign in return.
Love of a house full of people, and a love of them all sitting aroudn their table and eating. This is my favorite, partly because i benefit from it lol and partly because, basically if my life consisted of having the people i love over, and feeding them, spending time together, i would not be upset.
They are content when they are with the ones they love.
My grandpa's not afraid to cry, but he is not a wimp about it. He gets sweaty eyes when everyone is together on the holidays.
They encourage, they tell people they love them, they show it. i hear it all the time, over and over and over, I can never say i am not loved, i can never for a second belive that i am not, and so many times i brush it off.
Their love for the outdoors. For the quiet. For the little things. For the mundane. They find a joy, an excitement, a wonder in it all. They ahve something figured out about life that i dont know. They see something in the things that i look over, that i think are boring, that arent exciting enough to capture my attention.
A love of art from my Grandma
A love of crude and inappropriate jokes from my Grandpa
i probably could go on forever. I know these things, i dotn always do them. But i know them, i know how much they are loved, i know they exist, i cant go through life unnaware of them. I have grown up in love, and i am extremely lucky for it. I am just beginning to realize how lucky. I hope that i can be used to show the love they have to others.