(no subject)
I hate how hard it is for me to remember that beauty is not freaking mine!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I cant stress this enough!!!! Especially lately.
Its a gift its a gift its a gift its a gift its a gift its a gift its a gift its a gift its a gift its a gift its a gift its a gift its a gift its a gift its a gift its a gift its a gift its a gift its a gift its a gift its a gift its a gift its a gift its a gift its a gift its a gift its a gift its a gift its a gift its a gift its a gift its a gift its a gift its a gift its a gift
I have to keep telling myself this over and over. If i could keep it like i wanted i would ruin it right then and there. It's not really that beautiful when i think of it as mine. I'm not even looking at beauty, and all the grace and love that comes from it, when all i want to do is take it. How can i be? I have to shift my eyes a little to the right in order to think of myself again. When i look at it all i can do is be happy and amazed and humbled and excited and blessed. Its when i look away that i think of life without it, worry about if i will always have it. and then im just being an idiot because its right there in front of me, given to me for the time being, and im just upset that i cant have it and wishing i could tie it down and keep it with me forever
and when im looking at is, that is absolutely the last thing in the world i would want for it.
I hate it when my mind and my feelings contradict each other. I ask for wisdom, but then im just stuck having the same feelings and desires, but now I know them for what they really are. So instead of being blissfully ignorant and stupid, I'm aware of my stupidity but still have strong tendancies towards it, and then everything is just depressing and pointless.
Its a gift its a gift its a gift its a gift its a gift its a gift its a gift its a gift its a gift its a gift its a gift its a gift its a gift its a gift its a gift its a gift its a gift its a gift its a gift its a gift its a gift its a gift its a gift its a gift its a gift its a gift its a gift its a gift its a gift its a gift its a gift its a gift its a gift its a gift its a gift
I have to keep telling myself this over and over. If i could keep it like i wanted i would ruin it right then and there. It's not really that beautiful when i think of it as mine. I'm not even looking at beauty, and all the grace and love that comes from it, when all i want to do is take it. How can i be? I have to shift my eyes a little to the right in order to think of myself again. When i look at it all i can do is be happy and amazed and humbled and excited and blessed. Its when i look away that i think of life without it, worry about if i will always have it. and then im just being an idiot because its right there in front of me, given to me for the time being, and im just upset that i cant have it and wishing i could tie it down and keep it with me forever
and when im looking at is, that is absolutely the last thing in the world i would want for it.
I hate it when my mind and my feelings contradict each other. I ask for wisdom, but then im just stuck having the same feelings and desires, but now I know them for what they really are. So instead of being blissfully ignorant and stupid, I'm aware of my stupidity but still have strong tendancies towards it, and then everything is just depressing and pointless.