Looking back....
Well I just read michelle's entry about wishing that you could go back to high school and when days were simple...I can't help but feel like that it's true. There was so much that I dreamed about and I knew without a shadow of a doubt would come true with my will and determination..There were friendships that we all thought would never end and would always be untouchable but that really didn't happen.. for me at least....I miss justin, I miss bryon, I miss marcie, I miss so many other people that I thought I would be so glad to be rid of...It's kinda funny...a lot of people that kinda forced me to use my backbone and true strength in high school are not around and I kinda miss that because they tended to remind me of who I was, where I came from and who or what I was fighting for and even showed me the reason why I was fighting...I wish I could go back to my junior year and change so many things...I should have let a friend fail in her own relationships and insecurities instead of getting involved which lead to more shit that I just wasn't ready to handle...I wish I could go back to September 5, 2001 and take back all of my actions from then through the next six months....I kinda wish that I still had the illusion that the one guy that I trusted with everything was worth trusting and he was never going to hurt me and if he did, he would still remain my best friend...I mean after all, through everything we always swore that....I wish I could go back to the days where I could trust a guy with all of me again but that isn't important..I wish I could go back when I could have had more time with Laura to tell her how much I loved, respected, and admired her....I wish I had more time to tell her that I was her who helped me through my parent's divorce when I had to share a bed with her on those weekend trips with my dad.....I wish I could go back to a time when I couldn't get a credit card or anything because they are very addictive to say the least....I wish that I could just go back and try harder in school so that I wouldn't be stuck here...so I could be far away from this place and some of these people that just make me sick when I look at them or when I remember something I did for them that was out of my way...I had dreams once upon a time but then I've accepted things the way that they are I guess...I just wish I could go back to when everything was simple and my biggest worry was about what I was wearing or what cute guy looked my way...to a time when nothing mattered but my friends and I would do anything for them without question and they do the same thing in return...Most of all, I wish I could go back to a time when I hadn't met him, hadn't fallen for him, hadn't fallen in love with him, hadn't trusted him, hadn't been with him and then hadn't lost him because I will never be able to love someone the way I love him ever again......