Update
Thank God this month is almost over. It has been nothing but this huge emotional rollercoaster since the first of the month until now and I am glad that its just about over. I've never experienced such highs and lows in such a short amount of time before so I don't really know how to deal with all these emotions. It was just so overwhelming, as soon as I thought everything was okay I was dealt another blow. They say senior year is supposed to be one of the best years of your life, well I sure hope not cuz my life is going to suck. lol. I haven't been able to sleep either, which pisses me off because that used to be one of my favorite pastimes. I can only sleep if I'm laying next to someone so when I hang out with my friends all I want to do is take a nap with them so I can actually get some sleep or I lay in my mom's bed with her but really it's just a burden. Anyway, I've finally realized just how amazing I am. I seriously kick ass at life. I'm graduating number one in my class, and for some reason I've been feeling like this wasn't enough. Fuck those feelings, that's damn amazing. So maybe I didn't get a 30 on the ACT, should one test destroy all the confidence that I have in my intelligence, I don't think so.I'm gorgeous, funny, intelligent, kind and compassionate, I've got it all. This may sound conceited, but really it's just the new found confidence that for some reason I've been lacking. I'm so ready to start college and get on with my life. I feel like I've been stuck in this rut for so long now and I'm ready to kick it into gear and get out. I've been feeling numb too, which is weird because a few years ago after the whole Josh thing, I would sleep all the time so I wouldn't have to feel pain but now that I'm numb to it all it pisses me off and I want to feel alive again. Feeling something is definitely better than feeling nothing. I just let things roll right off of me now too, which is dumb because it means people will be able to walk all over me and that is not something I'm about to let happen. It's like the worst things have happened lately and I don't even care, I'm just like, whatever, I'm okay and I hate being like that. I want to be able to vent my feelings and frustrations but I'm too worried about hurting other people's feelings. I'm about to start living for myself. That's all.