Whatttever.
Sometimes I forget that I'm only 17 years old, and there is no need for me to be making life changing decisions at this young of an age. I'm so impatient, I want to just grow up, get married, have babies, and be done with it, but then I take a step back and think, I have my entire life for that. They say that the best things in life are worth waiting for, so why am I in such a hurry? Maybe it's because there's no guarantee of tomorrow, and I don't want to die without accomplishing anything, even though I have accomplished some things in my life, I feel like it's not enough. I feel like my only purpose in this world is to make babies, and my life will be so empty without that opportunity. Lately, my entire world has been crashing in around me. My dad has become the most anal, analytical person ever, telling me I need to lose weight and start exercising and shit, which I already felt like I was getting fatter, but to have someone else point it out to me makes it ten times worse for my self-esteem. My mom's in the hospital at this very moment, on a morphine drip, not being able to open her eyes or talk because she's in so much pain from her back surgery. I can't even have a conversation with either one of my brothers without getting so mad that I start yelling. Everytime I talk to them, it's a nonstop argument that always escalates into me yelling and them calling me names and telling me I'm not worth a shit and I'm useless. Usually, I can let these comments roll right off me, but lately they've been getting to me. Brad's a whole other subject, and I don't feel like talking about. We're still together, but something's changed. I can't explain it, but he's my best friend, I don't want to lose him, and I'll do anything to make sure that he's happy. I've lost myself lately, I have no idea who I am anymore. I used to be proud of who I was because I actually stood for something, but now it seems I'll fall for anything. The only thing I do know that I need to go to church more, I haven't been going on a regular basis since school let out last year. I'm working on it though. That's all I've got to say for now.