Notes to Pets
Dear Shadow,
Can you PLEASE stop sitting on the edge of the food bowl and shovelling all the food out, because you keep showering your cagemates and my floor with it, and none of us appreciate it (well, except Silver because she never says no to food)! I know you think that most of the food is merely there to 'hide' the nice bits, but it is not a lucky dip - you are meant to eat all of it! Silver, Scrat and Scamp all eat the food like good girls and don't treat it as something to dig in, so please could you too! I know Silver and Scamp may have stolen all the bits you like, but they are only stashed a brief jump away in the litter box - you have a good sense of smell, please use it!
Also, please stop chewing the label off your favourite water bottle. You have 101 other things specially for you to chew on, and I'm paranoid that one day you will chew through the water bottle itself. I know you don't mind getting wet, and have even had a shower with me once, which I was incredibly surprised at, but I'll happily give you another shower or bath - you don't have to try to make one for yourself.
You're my gorgeous little monkey, and constantly amaze me with your climbing skills and ingenuity, so please put your intelligence to good use!
Dear Scamp,
Please learn the difference between t-shirt and human flesh. I do not appreciate a surprise bite on the nipple when I am giving you cuddles and fusses. Also, if you don't learn to wear down your nails (I have provided a brick for this purpose), then I will have to do it for you, which I know you won't appreciate, especially since I have finally got you to trust me and not totally freak out when I try to stroke you.
I know I named you, and you're only trying to live up to that name, so in part it was my fault! You're so sweet and funny now you finally realise I'm not scary, and you'll get many more cuddles if they aren't so painful!
Dear Scrat,
Please, please stop squealing like you are dying everything you have a minor scrap with one of your cagemates. I know Silver is a big fat bully, but you are smaller and faster, and do your fair share of dominance fighting yourself. I know the squealing brings me running (or falling over things if it is the middle of the night), but I will not stop her unless she actually hurts you, and I will not take you out of the cage unless you are squealing because you are in pain, because waking me at 3am is not a behaviour I want to reinforce!
I know you're my cute, licky, baby, but giving me kisses will not help with this!
Dear Silver,
You are fat. If you don't stop eating so much or utilising the ample time I give you to exercise during the day, I will be forced to put you on a diet, or even worse, put the dreaded harness on you and take you for walks around my room. I know you're the alpha rat and have the right to do what you like, but I would like you to live a long and happy life, which will not happen if you continue being a lazy pig! You only get healthy 'treats' now, and I know you like yogies, but until you are a nice rat size like the others, you won't get any! They still get them when you're not looking, because they have them when you can't steal them!
Also, please, please stop picking on the others so much. I'd thought you would learn from the time Shadow bit you and you bled, but apparently not. You snuggle up with them all the time, and I know the babies can be annoying, but I really don't see why you squish them onto the floor so much.
Finally, please learn the definition of "tube hammock". It is not a "rip-it-yourself" hammock - it's a tube because it's meant to be warm and snuggly in this horrible cold flat. There is even a man-made hole in the middle that even you can get your fat butt out of, so I really don't see the need to make that hole bigger!
You're my squishy girl, and I love you even when you stick your nose up mine, which is why I don't want to have to feed you separately, because you won't get as much snuggle-time with your mates.
Love you all!
PS: Alfie, the drops I try to put behind your ears every day are meant to help you, so they don't hurt any more. I know you're fed up of going to the vets, and of being held down and having sticky stuff put on your head, but it really is for your own good and will be over quicker if you co-operate! I know you're scared and annoyed, but I don't appreciate being showered with poos either! You're my pretty little man, and always make me laugh because you're such a character. Everyone at the vets loves you too and thinks you're such a sweetie, and they want you to get better too. Love you.
Can you PLEASE stop sitting on the edge of the food bowl and shovelling all the food out, because you keep showering your cagemates and my floor with it, and none of us appreciate it (well, except Silver because she never says no to food)! I know you think that most of the food is merely there to 'hide' the nice bits, but it is not a lucky dip - you are meant to eat all of it! Silver, Scrat and Scamp all eat the food like good girls and don't treat it as something to dig in, so please could you too! I know Silver and Scamp may have stolen all the bits you like, but they are only stashed a brief jump away in the litter box - you have a good sense of smell, please use it!
Also, please stop chewing the label off your favourite water bottle. You have 101 other things specially for you to chew on, and I'm paranoid that one day you will chew through the water bottle itself. I know you don't mind getting wet, and have even had a shower with me once, which I was incredibly surprised at, but I'll happily give you another shower or bath - you don't have to try to make one for yourself.
You're my gorgeous little monkey, and constantly amaze me with your climbing skills and ingenuity, so please put your intelligence to good use!
Dear Scamp,
Please learn the difference between t-shirt and human flesh. I do not appreciate a surprise bite on the nipple when I am giving you cuddles and fusses. Also, if you don't learn to wear down your nails (I have provided a brick for this purpose), then I will have to do it for you, which I know you won't appreciate, especially since I have finally got you to trust me and not totally freak out when I try to stroke you.
I know I named you, and you're only trying to live up to that name, so in part it was my fault! You're so sweet and funny now you finally realise I'm not scary, and you'll get many more cuddles if they aren't so painful!
Dear Scrat,
Please, please stop squealing like you are dying everything you have a minor scrap with one of your cagemates. I know Silver is a big fat bully, but you are smaller and faster, and do your fair share of dominance fighting yourself. I know the squealing brings me running (or falling over things if it is the middle of the night), but I will not stop her unless she actually hurts you, and I will not take you out of the cage unless you are squealing because you are in pain, because waking me at 3am is not a behaviour I want to reinforce!
I know you're my cute, licky, baby, but giving me kisses will not help with this!
Dear Silver,
You are fat. If you don't stop eating so much or utilising the ample time I give you to exercise during the day, I will be forced to put you on a diet, or even worse, put the dreaded harness on you and take you for walks around my room. I know you're the alpha rat and have the right to do what you like, but I would like you to live a long and happy life, which will not happen if you continue being a lazy pig! You only get healthy 'treats' now, and I know you like yogies, but until you are a nice rat size like the others, you won't get any! They still get them when you're not looking, because they have them when you can't steal them!
Also, please, please stop picking on the others so much. I'd thought you would learn from the time Shadow bit you and you bled, but apparently not. You snuggle up with them all the time, and I know the babies can be annoying, but I really don't see why you squish them onto the floor so much.
Finally, please learn the definition of "tube hammock". It is not a "rip-it-yourself" hammock - it's a tube because it's meant to be warm and snuggly in this horrible cold flat. There is even a man-made hole in the middle that even you can get your fat butt out of, so I really don't see the need to make that hole bigger!
You're my squishy girl, and I love you even when you stick your nose up mine, which is why I don't want to have to feed you separately, because you won't get as much snuggle-time with your mates.
Love you all!
PS: Alfie, the drops I try to put behind your ears every day are meant to help you, so they don't hurt any more. I know you're fed up of going to the vets, and of being held down and having sticky stuff put on your head, but it really is for your own good and will be over quicker if you co-operate! I know you're scared and annoyed, but I don't appreciate being showered with poos either! You're my pretty little man, and always make me laugh because you're such a character. Everyone at the vets loves you too and thinks you're such a sweetie, and they want you to get better too. Love you.