(no subject)
I really feel like I need to access my old hard drives from the old computers, but I dont know how to connect them to the new computers...
And I really dont have the money to do it.
I feel like there's so much of my old writing that I dont have lost on those pieces of equipment... And I really... feel like I need them right now because I'm floundering.
I havent written anything for months.
Nothing.
Not anything decent. A lot of poor attempts. I've scrapped everything I've attempted to write.
I can't find my blue notebook from Kimonos...
I feel naked. I NEED my stuff. I am not functioning without it.
I've just... I've lost whatever it is that I had.
Maybe I never had it.
That spark. That need. That urge to write. That ability to have something fall from my brain, to my hands on a keyboard or to flow through my pen and have myself like it. To have other people like it.
I'm jealous of my best friend, because she doesnt necessarily aspire to write and yet she cant seem to stop. She's written one novel already, is working on a second AND has a second novel as a side project.
And I have nothing.
I have that shitty NaNoWriMo thing I started last fall, and yet I can't find it anywhere. Because for one its saved on the other hard drive (s) and I've lost the hard copy that I have.
I'm just..
Maybe this is a sign. That I suck..
Maybe its just a sudden need to find it. Find it now and soon because I dont know what I'm going to do if I can't find it.
I need to write.
Badly.
I just... Need to because if I dont.. Then what am I supposed to do? I'm losing touch with a lot of things... I'm just... so panicked all the time... And I just... I need to get it back.
I need that feeling back.
The feeling that I CAN write.
The feeling that I'm good at it. Good at something.
Good at anything even.
Fuck I'm dying here. I swear to god I've basically just realized that I'm losing it, slowly but surely.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
EDIT: Okay, I found my NaNoWriMo. I'm less needing to solve problems with a chainsaw, and yet I still cant breathe. FANbloodytastic.
And I really dont have the money to do it.
I feel like there's so much of my old writing that I dont have lost on those pieces of equipment... And I really... feel like I need them right now because I'm floundering.
I havent written anything for months.
Nothing.
Not anything decent. A lot of poor attempts. I've scrapped everything I've attempted to write.
I can't find my blue notebook from Kimonos...
I feel naked. I NEED my stuff. I am not functioning without it.
I've just... I've lost whatever it is that I had.
Maybe I never had it.
That spark. That need. That urge to write. That ability to have something fall from my brain, to my hands on a keyboard or to flow through my pen and have myself like it. To have other people like it.
I'm jealous of my best friend, because she doesnt necessarily aspire to write and yet she cant seem to stop. She's written one novel already, is working on a second AND has a second novel as a side project.
And I have nothing.
I have that shitty NaNoWriMo thing I started last fall, and yet I can't find it anywhere. Because for one its saved on the other hard drive (s) and I've lost the hard copy that I have.
I'm just..
Maybe this is a sign. That I suck..
Maybe its just a sudden need to find it. Find it now and soon because I dont know what I'm going to do if I can't find it.
I need to write.
Badly.
I just... Need to because if I dont.. Then what am I supposed to do? I'm losing touch with a lot of things... I'm just... so panicked all the time... And I just... I need to get it back.
I need that feeling back.
The feeling that I CAN write.
The feeling that I'm good at it. Good at something.
Good at anything even.
Fuck I'm dying here. I swear to god I've basically just realized that I'm losing it, slowly but surely.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
EDIT: Okay, I found my NaNoWriMo. I'm less needing to solve problems with a chainsaw, and yet I still cant breathe. FANbloodytastic.