a weird realization
I think I am actually strange by a lot of standards. Not that close to "normal" at all. (At least other eccentrics have better social skills.)
I sound like I'm going through some developmentally-delayed emo phase, but I am kinda pathetic.
The only people I speak with on a daily basis are my family. Literally, I have no friends in the city I live in. I know I tend to be quiet and look overly-serious, and some folks mistake that for hostility -- people don't really joke or offer to hang around with me much at work. Not as much as with some other people, anyway. I am more than a little convinced that my boss' boss doesn't like me, or just doesn't feel comfortable around me for some reason.
I don't devote my extra time to a hobby or intellectual pursuit or a worthy cause. I watch TV or surf the internet.
I don't appreciate my family enough, or I'm just really bad at showing it. (Though I did just pay for a 3-day cruise to the Bahamas for my mom, 2 siblings, and myself.) Maybe because I spend so much of my free time interacting with them, I get irritated very quickly. (Not to mention my father and I don't get along because he's a social-phobic, verbally-abusive rageaholic with low self-esteem who blames everyone and everything else for all his problems. And my mom has to know where I am after 6 pm everyday. And I still have to act like my sisters' caretaker, even though they are young adults in their 20s.) I need to meet other people.
Last summer my cousin said, "You don't want to end up like the 40-year-old virgin, do you?" I was very offended, but now I'm starting to think it could come true. Aye, it's true -- I haven't seriously dated ever.
I have really, really let myself go the past few months. I've vowed not to buy any new clothes until I lose some weight. And the house needs some serious cleaning. While my cleaning schedule was never that strict before, I have barely been trying lately.
Work has had me totally stressed out almost the entire time I've been employed, but the last few months had crazy workloads. Even now I still fear for my job. It's worse now that the economy is tanking. I freelance on the side; currently I'm proofreading someone's dissertation. Only $10 an hour, but it's nice to make some extra cash on the side. It adds an additional 8 hours to my workweek though.
To start on the path to not becoming a fat slob with no life, I promise:
I will work on some of my freelance work tonight. I will eat healthier -- I have lots of salad and oatmeal and soymilk and cranberry juice, among other things. I will clean my bathroom this weekend. I will call my friends tomorrow. I will even call my cousin who has not been returning my calls. I will do laundry this weekend and put away my clothes. I will go in to work on Sunday and get a chunk of one of my current assignments done. I will do lunges and core-strengthening exercises. I will start meditating again.
I sound like I'm going through some developmentally-delayed emo phase, but I am kinda pathetic.
The only people I speak with on a daily basis are my family. Literally, I have no friends in the city I live in. I know I tend to be quiet and look overly-serious, and some folks mistake that for hostility -- people don't really joke or offer to hang around with me much at work. Not as much as with some other people, anyway. I am more than a little convinced that my boss' boss doesn't like me, or just doesn't feel comfortable around me for some reason.
I don't devote my extra time to a hobby or intellectual pursuit or a worthy cause. I watch TV or surf the internet.
I don't appreciate my family enough, or I'm just really bad at showing it. (Though I did just pay for a 3-day cruise to the Bahamas for my mom, 2 siblings, and myself.) Maybe because I spend so much of my free time interacting with them, I get irritated very quickly. (Not to mention my father and I don't get along because he's a social-phobic, verbally-abusive rageaholic with low self-esteem who blames everyone and everything else for all his problems. And my mom has to know where I am after 6 pm everyday. And I still have to act like my sisters' caretaker, even though they are young adults in their 20s.) I need to meet other people.
Last summer my cousin said, "You don't want to end up like the 40-year-old virgin, do you?" I was very offended, but now I'm starting to think it could come true. Aye, it's true -- I haven't seriously dated ever.
I have really, really let myself go the past few months. I've vowed not to buy any new clothes until I lose some weight. And the house needs some serious cleaning. While my cleaning schedule was never that strict before, I have barely been trying lately.
Work has had me totally stressed out almost the entire time I've been employed, but the last few months had crazy workloads. Even now I still fear for my job. It's worse now that the economy is tanking. I freelance on the side; currently I'm proofreading someone's dissertation. Only $10 an hour, but it's nice to make some extra cash on the side. It adds an additional 8 hours to my workweek though.
To start on the path to not becoming a fat slob with no life, I promise:
I will work on some of my freelance work tonight. I will eat healthier -- I have lots of salad and oatmeal and soymilk and cranberry juice, among other things. I will clean my bathroom this weekend. I will call my friends tomorrow. I will even call my cousin who has not been returning my calls. I will do laundry this weekend and put away my clothes. I will go in to work on Sunday and get a chunk of one of my current assignments done. I will do lunges and core-strengthening exercises. I will start meditating again.