My family is the only thing keeping me alive

[emma_b_riddle]

My mother, father, stepmother, sisters, brothers and best friend are the only people, only real world things that make me want to try in life. The only thing making me go to work everyday is knowing that I need to pay my cell phone bills, my car bills, and gas so I can keep in touch with all of them. If it weren't for my mother making me go to the store with her, my dad and stepmother having me drive to them to hang with my little brothers and sister, my older sister asking to hang out and my best friend telling me she misses me, I would spend my life in my house, on the computer, somehow finding a way to buy food and have it sent to me, all online.

This disturbs me. I have many people asking me to hang out with them, all day asking me to come over to their house, go to the movies, the park, wherever. I feel like the reason I refuse is because I don't trust myself to be myself around them.

This scares me.