(no subject)
ive been highly neglecting people and i realize that.
please don't think i am doing this on purpose.
this goddamn no communication thing is starting to get to me.
no phone. no internet (unless i can borrow carrie's computer). no gas money.
i love it in this place so much. i can't even describe it to you. i just love it. i do find myself getting gloomy at times, if dave isn't with me, i get pretty lonely...and there are times i feel like i need to stop at my parents house for just a second, just to breathe. i need the insanity of that household for just a moment, to feel good again, as much as they/i dont want me to be there...hense the reason for no gas.
but i can not pay for gas. why? because my boss wants to fire me.
actually she wants me to quit.
not because i do a bad job or i don't work hard.
but because my FUCKING GOD DAMN SON OF A BITCH OF AN IMMUNE SYSTEM.
my kidney infection is back, along with a uti.
not only that, the pain in my stomach moved from not just the right side but to both sides.
so the stabbing sharp pain is worse.
which makes dry heeving/shaking happen at work on days like today.
and i'm getting very frustrated and find myself crying over it.
and i dont like to cry over anything involving myself.
because there are way worse things to be sad over.
worrying about something incontrollable isn't worth it to me anymore.
"i appreciate that you come in here as sick as you are and work hard, but your health comes first. there needs to be a good staff to children ratio and i don't know if you can do that anymore. you need to make a decision whether or not you are physically capable of doing this"
.....6 hours later.... phone call.
"the medication the doctor gave me makes me drowsy and i'm not supposed to even drive. if i take off though am i gonna get fired?" "i don't know, we have to see the schedule tomorrow bc we are short staff so i'll give you a call"
so who's freaking out? me. why? because i have a car, i have to pay 100 towards rent, utlities, medicine, copays, late cellphone bills, food, etc etc etc...and im incapable of even standing up straight...so fuck? yes. fuck.
yes i know some of that is my own fault. a big fuck you towards people who sarcastically inform me as if i am clueless. that gets really annoying and so does the bitchiness of such entries as this one.
so to move on with a more positive note...don't read if you are a boy bc you will gag.
i went to the beach this weekend with dave. he has the ability to allow me to forget everything bad in the world, and just be genuinely happy. i'm not saying this to be cheesy. it's just true. we went for a walk on the beach at night and he gave me a piggy back ride and tried to drop me in the water. then he put my hair behind my ear and told me i was beautiful and that he loved me and that he couldnt ask for a another girl that makes him as happy as i do. sounds like a very cliche chick flick movie scene but i dont think i have ever felt as happy as i did in that moment. it was just...just amazing. okay? there. i'm done.
please don't think i am doing this on purpose.
this goddamn no communication thing is starting to get to me.
no phone. no internet (unless i can borrow carrie's computer). no gas money.
i love it in this place so much. i can't even describe it to you. i just love it. i do find myself getting gloomy at times, if dave isn't with me, i get pretty lonely...and there are times i feel like i need to stop at my parents house for just a second, just to breathe. i need the insanity of that household for just a moment, to feel good again, as much as they/i dont want me to be there...hense the reason for no gas.
but i can not pay for gas. why? because my boss wants to fire me.
actually she wants me to quit.
not because i do a bad job or i don't work hard.
but because my FUCKING GOD DAMN SON OF A BITCH OF AN IMMUNE SYSTEM.
my kidney infection is back, along with a uti.
not only that, the pain in my stomach moved from not just the right side but to both sides.
so the stabbing sharp pain is worse.
which makes dry heeving/shaking happen at work on days like today.
and i'm getting very frustrated and find myself crying over it.
and i dont like to cry over anything involving myself.
because there are way worse things to be sad over.
worrying about something incontrollable isn't worth it to me anymore.
"i appreciate that you come in here as sick as you are and work hard, but your health comes first. there needs to be a good staff to children ratio and i don't know if you can do that anymore. you need to make a decision whether or not you are physically capable of doing this"
.....6 hours later.... phone call.
"the medication the doctor gave me makes me drowsy and i'm not supposed to even drive. if i take off though am i gonna get fired?" "i don't know, we have to see the schedule tomorrow bc we are short staff so i'll give you a call"
so who's freaking out? me. why? because i have a car, i have to pay 100 towards rent, utlities, medicine, copays, late cellphone bills, food, etc etc etc...and im incapable of even standing up straight...so fuck? yes. fuck.
yes i know some of that is my own fault. a big fuck you towards people who sarcastically inform me as if i am clueless. that gets really annoying and so does the bitchiness of such entries as this one.
so to move on with a more positive note...don't read if you are a boy bc you will gag.
i went to the beach this weekend with dave. he has the ability to allow me to forget everything bad in the world, and just be genuinely happy. i'm not saying this to be cheesy. it's just true. we went for a walk on the beach at night and he gave me a piggy back ride and tried to drop me in the water. then he put my hair behind my ear and told me i was beautiful and that he loved me and that he couldnt ask for a another girl that makes him as happy as i do. sounds like a very cliche chick flick movie scene but i dont think i have ever felt as happy as i did in that moment. it was just...just amazing. okay? there. i'm done.