(no subject)
So this is me in Dirty Rotten Scoundrels.
And like, I get that I'm a big caricature character, and I'm not supposed to be pretty-pretty-- ugly-pretty is definitely the point here-- and I know that I'm the most critical more than anyone else can/will be, and let's be real, would could possibly look fantastic in that suit (except, it would seem, my double who looks sleek and tinsy and notably un-lumpy) but--
I just...
Seeing pictures from the show makes me take another giant step back to reevaluate how I look versus how I want to look.
If I may, another example:
Again, I'm not supposed to look pretty. I'm supposed to look like an awkward usher at the theater who wears high/pleated/elastic-waistband/tapered pants. Not cute, I know. And with both characters, I'm QUITE padded up top, which I know is throwing off my sense of everything because it doesn't look like me but...
The only words I can use to describe myself when I see these pictures are "large" and "awkward" and "lumpy" and "uncomfortable" and "claw hands" and quite distinctly "inelegant."
Have I always looked this bad onstage?
I guess maybe I'm learning why I have a hard time getting cast?
Yikes. I guess this is a crash course in understanding that the way I feel does not match the way I look.
I feel sparkly and funny and confident and tall onstage. But exactly how much does that matter in this business if that's not what I portray?? I'm a downright hunchback in that Jolene picture. Who wants to cast a persistent hunchback as Eliza Doolittle?
Clearly I'm on a low-self-esteem kick, which I hope to break out of soon. I'm just hoping to use this as an opportunity to really jumpstart the last half of this weight-loss thing to at least help me get closer to the look I want to have so badly.
I currently have a 30" waist and 11.5" arms. These are the two measurements I am most concerned about and intent to change. My goal is to have a 26" waist. This is going to happen. And if it means I have to surround myself with uncomfortable pictures of myself next to lovely pictures of bodies I admire to have a constant, terrible reminder of the difference, I will do it. It will be my afternoon project.
And then I'm going to hire a coach to teach me how to not make those faces or have claw hands anymore.
YIKES.
And like, I get that I'm a big caricature character, and I'm not supposed to be pretty-pretty-- ugly-pretty is definitely the point here-- and I know that I'm the most critical more than anyone else can/will be, and let's be real, would could possibly look fantastic in that suit (except, it would seem, my double who looks sleek and tinsy and notably un-lumpy) but--
I just...
Seeing pictures from the show makes me take another giant step back to reevaluate how I look versus how I want to look.
If I may, another example:
Again, I'm not supposed to look pretty. I'm supposed to look like an awkward usher at the theater who wears high/pleated/elastic-waistband/tapered pants. Not cute, I know. And with both characters, I'm QUITE padded up top, which I know is throwing off my sense of everything because it doesn't look like me but...
The only words I can use to describe myself when I see these pictures are "large" and "awkward" and "lumpy" and "uncomfortable" and "claw hands" and quite distinctly "inelegant."
Have I always looked this bad onstage?
I guess maybe I'm learning why I have a hard time getting cast?
Yikes. I guess this is a crash course in understanding that the way I feel does not match the way I look.
I feel sparkly and funny and confident and tall onstage. But exactly how much does that matter in this business if that's not what I portray?? I'm a downright hunchback in that Jolene picture. Who wants to cast a persistent hunchback as Eliza Doolittle?
Clearly I'm on a low-self-esteem kick, which I hope to break out of soon. I'm just hoping to use this as an opportunity to really jumpstart the last half of this weight-loss thing to at least help me get closer to the look I want to have so badly.
I currently have a 30" waist and 11.5" arms. These are the two measurements I am most concerned about and intent to change. My goal is to have a 26" waist. This is going to happen. And if it means I have to surround myself with uncomfortable pictures of myself next to lovely pictures of bodies I admire to have a constant, terrible reminder of the difference, I will do it. It will be my afternoon project.
And then I'm going to hire a coach to teach me how to not make those faces or have claw hands anymore.
YIKES.