better now, thanks
Ames and I went on a date last night. I was still kind of Mopey McSad-Clown when I picked him up from school, but he's got a way of perking me up pretty quickly because he's just so happy and nice and good-looking, which is clearly a recipe for mood swinging back to positivity, am I right? Am I right? We went to TGIFriday's with the gift card my dad gave me for my birthday and then we made it to Fame just in time for the last twenty minutes of previews (sooooo sad we missed the first twenty minutes or so). Turns out, it sucked about as hard as I expected it too. It was too wrapped up in being awesome and trendy and look-at-our-awesome-and-trendy-arts-school to have much (read: any) depth at all, and I didn't even care about any of the characters. I'm sure it comes as a TOTAL surprise that mostly I just liked that scene where Megan Mullally sang for a few seconds.
We were home before 9:30, and after lying around and actually talking about all the feelings that I had been feeling in the last 24 hours, I came upon a conclusion:
I rely a lot on the opinions of others, particularly at work. School, not so much, which is weird, but my job performance means a lot to me. And when I found out that my job was being cut completely without any personal meeting or notification-- it's like all the work I did all summer, and the changes I tried to help make, and the good evaluations I worked so hard to get-- none of that mattered one single bit. And on top of it, I got in trouble in the last week of employment. So not only did my good work not matter, my bad work DID matter. There's very little respect for employees here in this Seven Peaks place and I don't feel that my presence or my performance has really been at all valued by the way I've been treated in the last few weeks.
So that was my conclusion about the source of my melancholy. I'm bored all the time because my last few days at this place don't really even matter, and somehow, that sucks most of the joy out of nice things like reading and writing and being with good friends, even if those good friends aren't Ames. I'm still not thrilled about Ames being gone so much in the next few months, but he's right-- this is what I signed on for, this is what I knew to expect, and I do get it. I'm very proud of him.
I'm still not really sure what my Big Plan is for the next few months. I've at least got Archive to look forward to, which is something shiny and new and somehow a little bit glamorous in this silly HCTO world. I don't know a thing about costumes, but I do know how to pull them off racks and how to choose a hat to match a pretty little vintage dress, and I think about how lovely and toasty it is in that HCTO basement, so even though I'm not going to be rehearsing for Christmas Carol, at least I'll get to hang around the Hale and take advantage of that fall/winter HCTO toasty-ness.
I decided straight up, once and for all-- no Christmas Carol for me this year. I still love it. I'm excited to see the movie, and I'm excited to see the show and be sad about not wearing that red dress, but when I looked over those reasons of why I might do it, none of them are good enough to justify actually participating. I didn't even write down that I want to be in it. So there's that.
And I'm going to throw myself into getting ready for Dirty Rotten Scoundrels auditions. I had an interesting conversation with Chris the other day about my various options, and I told him how I'm ultimately interested in doing that show. Conveniently, or whatever, he's directing. I told him I'm nervous because I don't have a good track record for auditioning at the Hale this year (to which he asked, "What, did you piss them off or something?"), and then he told me, "Well, I'll definitely consider you. I mean, I can't precast-- well, I can precast men. I'm always allowed to precast men. I don't understand it, but it's okay to precast men." Then the conversation got steered in a different direction, but I thought/think it's a funny word to use-- precast. Why should he use precast in a friendly conversation with me, unless he basically intends to cast me? I do have good luck with that man. He brought me back into theater and gave me a chance in Kiss Me Kate, and then tried to give me the biggest chance in Little Women but still gave me an unexpected chance, and then he asked me to do Pericles without auditioning because he wanted my voice to sing in it...
Dirty Rotten Scoundrels. I could play that secondary lead, even if she sings the lamest song in the show. I could be funny and in it. Dave Tinney wants to audition. My guess is so will Darick, and it'll be very impressive and cool and filled with performers with all kinds of notable talent and I'll be able to say I'm friends with them all. I can/will do it. I can/will do it. I can/will do it.
My HR trailer is freezing. They're still running the air conditioning even though it's 50 degrees outside. I should probably go finish those uniforms, since I haven't yet and I've only got five hours left to do it all. I might just do half-assed work because who cares?
We were home before 9:30, and after lying around and actually talking about all the feelings that I had been feeling in the last 24 hours, I came upon a conclusion:
I rely a lot on the opinions of others, particularly at work. School, not so much, which is weird, but my job performance means a lot to me. And when I found out that my job was being cut completely without any personal meeting or notification-- it's like all the work I did all summer, and the changes I tried to help make, and the good evaluations I worked so hard to get-- none of that mattered one single bit. And on top of it, I got in trouble in the last week of employment. So not only did my good work not matter, my bad work DID matter. There's very little respect for employees here in this Seven Peaks place and I don't feel that my presence or my performance has really been at all valued by the way I've been treated in the last few weeks.
So that was my conclusion about the source of my melancholy. I'm bored all the time because my last few days at this place don't really even matter, and somehow, that sucks most of the joy out of nice things like reading and writing and being with good friends, even if those good friends aren't Ames. I'm still not thrilled about Ames being gone so much in the next few months, but he's right-- this is what I signed on for, this is what I knew to expect, and I do get it. I'm very proud of him.
I'm still not really sure what my Big Plan is for the next few months. I've at least got Archive to look forward to, which is something shiny and new and somehow a little bit glamorous in this silly HCTO world. I don't know a thing about costumes, but I do know how to pull them off racks and how to choose a hat to match a pretty little vintage dress, and I think about how lovely and toasty it is in that HCTO basement, so even though I'm not going to be rehearsing for Christmas Carol, at least I'll get to hang around the Hale and take advantage of that fall/winter HCTO toasty-ness.
I decided straight up, once and for all-- no Christmas Carol for me this year. I still love it. I'm excited to see the movie, and I'm excited to see the show and be sad about not wearing that red dress, but when I looked over those reasons of why I might do it, none of them are good enough to justify actually participating. I didn't even write down that I want to be in it. So there's that.
And I'm going to throw myself into getting ready for Dirty Rotten Scoundrels auditions. I had an interesting conversation with Chris the other day about my various options, and I told him how I'm ultimately interested in doing that show. Conveniently, or whatever, he's directing. I told him I'm nervous because I don't have a good track record for auditioning at the Hale this year (to which he asked, "What, did you piss them off or something?"), and then he told me, "Well, I'll definitely consider you. I mean, I can't precast-- well, I can precast men. I'm always allowed to precast men. I don't understand it, but it's okay to precast men." Then the conversation got steered in a different direction, but I thought/think it's a funny word to use-- precast. Why should he use precast in a friendly conversation with me, unless he basically intends to cast me? I do have good luck with that man. He brought me back into theater and gave me a chance in Kiss Me Kate, and then tried to give me the biggest chance in Little Women but still gave me an unexpected chance, and then he asked me to do Pericles without auditioning because he wanted my voice to sing in it...
Dirty Rotten Scoundrels. I could play that secondary lead, even if she sings the lamest song in the show. I could be funny and in it. Dave Tinney wants to audition. My guess is so will Darick, and it'll be very impressive and cool and filled with performers with all kinds of notable talent and I'll be able to say I'm friends with them all. I can/will do it. I can/will do it. I can/will do it.
My HR trailer is freezing. They're still running the air conditioning even though it's 50 degrees outside. I should probably go finish those uniforms, since I haven't yet and I've only got five hours left to do it all. I might just do half-assed work because who cares?