(no subject)
I auditioned for a play tonight. I might not get in. Or I might actually get in. I have no way of knowing. I've started to become very cozy in this place of unknowing so really, I frankly won't be surprised either way.
Ames and I had a really big conversation tonight that started out kind of awkwardly but then turned out to be very good. It was a level of communication we've never had before, in part because we've never needed to have it. Communicating is good. Wanting to communicate is good. Even needing to communicate is good. He has a way of so firmly changing my perspective about certain things, but in such a kind and gentle way. He really loves me, and I know that. Sometimes when I'm a crying mess and I'm fretting and worried and he doesn't know what that's like because he's so positive about things-- sometimes I can't figure out why, but he does, and that's definitely all that matters.
He's got a nice, thoughtful face. It's a really pretty face, but I like it a lot when it's also a thoughtful face. It's the best face when he's smiling at me-- like, when he's watching me and then he smiles, so I know he's smiling because of me and not just at me.
I need to be more grateful. Not just for him, though that wouldn't hurt either, but I need to be more grateful for what I've got, and for what we've got, and I need to not focus so much on what we haven't got.
It's taken me almost forty minutes to get to the end of this disjointed post because I've been thinking so much. I sure love that boy. I'm so sorry I'm such a roller coaster with him, especially lately.
I really really lucked out, you guys.
Ames and I had a really big conversation tonight that started out kind of awkwardly but then turned out to be very good. It was a level of communication we've never had before, in part because we've never needed to have it. Communicating is good. Wanting to communicate is good. Even needing to communicate is good. He has a way of so firmly changing my perspective about certain things, but in such a kind and gentle way. He really loves me, and I know that. Sometimes when I'm a crying mess and I'm fretting and worried and he doesn't know what that's like because he's so positive about things-- sometimes I can't figure out why, but he does, and that's definitely all that matters.
He's got a nice, thoughtful face. It's a really pretty face, but I like it a lot when it's also a thoughtful face. It's the best face when he's smiling at me-- like, when he's watching me and then he smiles, so I know he's smiling because of me and not just at me.
I need to be more grateful. Not just for him, though that wouldn't hurt either, but I need to be more grateful for what I've got, and for what we've got, and I need to not focus so much on what we haven't got.
It's taken me almost forty minutes to get to the end of this disjointed post because I've been thinking so much. I sure love that boy. I'm so sorry I'm such a roller coaster with him, especially lately.
I really really lucked out, you guys.