I have come to the concusion that I am an idiot.
It's really a simple conclusion to come to. I got angry with someone I hold to be one of the greatest standards of what a friend is I have ever met over something so stupid and insignificant that it isn't even funny. This person was simply kidding. It was harmless, a simple tease, and I flew off the handle simply because I had been teased earlier over the same thing and the other person didn't know.
I realize that I have hurt this person deeply by it. I tried to apologize but I never got the chance because they stopped talking with me before I could. I can't blame them. They had every right to be pissed with me and I'm sorry it happened.
I have come to realize that I have problems. They run deep and are very hard for me to deal with. I'm probably not a very healthy person to be around and I don't understand why people still wish for, and seek out, my company. I seem to destroy everything I touch and bring misery to those I wish to make happy.
Granted, not all of the problems I see around me are my fault but it seems that every time I make an effort to correct a problem or create a solution it causes more harm than help.
Therefore, I have decided that I should probably seek professional help. For me to feel like this is a crime to myself and those around me. They don't deserve to be subjected to my problems. I'm not sure who I will talk to about this. I think I will go to my mentor/teacher and talk things over with him and get his opinion. I will also, even though it terrifies me, talk to my parents about it and see what they think.
Don't feel you have to respond to this. I just needed to get this off of my chest. If it was within my power I would go back in time and not get angry over such a trivial thing but I also realize that it shown a light on some of my serious flaws that I need to deal with.
I just wish that my friend knew just how truly and terribly sorry I am.
I realize that I have hurt this person deeply by it. I tried to apologize but I never got the chance because they stopped talking with me before I could. I can't blame them. They had every right to be pissed with me and I'm sorry it happened.
I have come to realize that I have problems. They run deep and are very hard for me to deal with. I'm probably not a very healthy person to be around and I don't understand why people still wish for, and seek out, my company. I seem to destroy everything I touch and bring misery to those I wish to make happy.
Granted, not all of the problems I see around me are my fault but it seems that every time I make an effort to correct a problem or create a solution it causes more harm than help.
Therefore, I have decided that I should probably seek professional help. For me to feel like this is a crime to myself and those around me. They don't deserve to be subjected to my problems. I'm not sure who I will talk to about this. I think I will go to my mentor/teacher and talk things over with him and get his opinion. I will also, even though it terrifies me, talk to my parents about it and see what they think.
Don't feel you have to respond to this. I just needed to get this off of my chest. If it was within my power I would go back in time and not get angry over such a trivial thing but I also realize that it shown a light on some of my serious flaws that I need to deal with.
I just wish that my friend knew just how truly and terribly sorry I am.