Deck the Balls: A Kurtofsky Porn
DECK THE BALLS WITH COCKS IN CONDOMS FA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA
TIS THE SEASON FOR DAVE'S WHOREDOM FA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA
Summary: Dave needs to be educated. Kurt helps him out a little bit.
Rating: (IN CASE YOU WEREN'T AWARE) NC-17
“Dave, I swear to god if you don’t stop right now I’m going to come all over your face.”
Then man in question grinned around Kurt’s dick, sliding off with a soft slurp. He slowly stood, legs shaking a little from kneeling so long. Dave draped his arms around Kurt and kissed him slowly, relishing the taste of the other man’s mouth. When they parted, Dave whispered, “What’s the matter, you don’t like it when I do that?”
“I’m pretty sure the entire Lima Bean just heard how much I liked that,” Kurt muttered, caressing Dave’s cheeks with his knuckles.
Dave snorted, “Nah, not at all. You’re a lot quieter than you think you are.” His expression twisted into something filthy. “Which leaves me to round two. Going down?” And without waiting for an answer, Dave dropped to the floor again, opening his mouth to suck up as much of Kurt as possible.
Kurt hissed, clamping both hands over his mouth. “Oh god,” he sobbed, leaning back against the wall. “Oh I don’t believe in god but ohfuckingchrist.” Kurt jerked a bit and bit down on his lip. “You are so good at this, fuck.”
“Hank-hyew,” Dave mumbled with a mouth full of cock. The vibrations ripped another noise from Kurt’s throat. Dave ran his tongue along the countertenor’s frenulum and sucked hard, spit dribbling down his jaw.
Someone banged on the door to the restroom.
“Fucking a,” Dave hissed, pulling off. “Can a man not take a crap in peace?” he yelled towards the door. Without another word, the jock swirled his tongue around the head of Kurt’s erection a few times. Kurt went back to holding his cries in with his hand. Dave swallowed Kurt’s member greedily, alternating between sucking and licking up the long vein on the underside Kurt’s shaft. To deter him from coming too soon, Dave swirled his tongue around the head once more and slowly licked down to Kurt’s balls. He sucked them into his mouth gingerly.
“Oh crap, oh,” Kurt whispered, reaching down to cradle Dave’s face. He swiped his thumb to catch a bit of drool. “Do you have a--” Kurt faltered with a nervous giggle. “Oh tell me you have a condom.”
“I,” Dave started. He flushed suddenly, reaching into his back pocket for his wallet. “Yeah,” he confirmed, pulling the packet out of his wallet. “Don’t ask where I got it from, for the love of God.”
“Wasn’t even planning on it,” Kurt confirmed, bending over to meet Dave halfway. He swiped his tongue across Dave’s lower lip and hummed in appreciation. “Would you...” Kurt’s lids fluttered and his eyes darkened as he looked down at Dave. “Do you mind if I...?” He seemed unable to fully voice his question.
“Mind if you...?” After a second Dave caught on and his eyes widened. “Oh,” he whispered, eyes dilating. “I mean.” He huffed a sigh, setting the condom on the sink. “I don’t really think I’m ready for that yet,” he admitted, cheeks blazing. “I mean, I’ve seen other guys do it in porn and shit, but,” Dave looked down at Kurt’s crotch, “dude your dick is huge. That is never going to fit in me.”
“And that is a perfectly acceptable answer,” Kurt acquiesced, tugging Dave up into a standing position. He finger-walked down Dave’s chest to the front of his jeans. With the skill only an expert beadazzler could manage, Kurt snapped open the button to Dave’s pants and dove in. Wrapping his fingers gingerly around Dave’s shaft, Kurt used his thumb to explore Dave’s cock. He was cut, a little thicker than Kurt was, and Dave’s dick curved up, whereas Kurt’s was straight.
“Fuck,” Dave hissed, squeezing his hands into fists. A bit of precome leaked from the tip, much to Kurt’s glee.
With a satisfied smirk, Kurt slowly began to pump his hand up and down. Kurt swiped his thumb around the tip of Dave’s erection, spreading the viscous liquid about. Then he used the palm of his hand to massage Dave’s head, reveling in the needy sounds coming out of the back of Dave’s throat. “David,” Kurt whispered into his ear. Using Dave’s own precome as lubricant, Kurt continued with, “Oh Dave, you have no idea the things I want to do to you. Fuck,” Kurt groaned, biting down at the junction between Dave’s neck and shoulder. “There’s different kinds of sex besides anal, you know.”
“I am,” Dave choked. “I am aware of a few of them.”
“There is one method,” Kurt started, pumping Dave’s cock. “There’s no penetration, you just take your dick and,” Kurt gave a little twist of his hand, “you can fuck them in between their thighs or...” Kurt curved a hand over Dave’s ass, the tips of his fingers grazing the crease between his buttocks1.
Dave panted into Kurt’s neck, bringing his arms around Kurt’s shoulders and holding on for dear life.
The pounding on the door resumed.
“DO YOU UNDERSTAND,” Kurt yelled, “THAT I HAVE HAD THE WORST SUSHI OF MY LIFE?”
“I -- could be okay with that,” Dave admitted with a shiver. He blindly grasped on the counter for the condom wrapper.
Sensing Dave’s nerves, Kurt resumed his ministrations double time. “It’s just something to think about,” Kurt sang with a feral grin.
“Yeah no, I.” Dave laughed and bit the inside of his cheek. “Oh fuck, fuck!” Breathing hard, he continued with, “Let’s do it, man.”
“You did not just call me man,” Kurt snarked, accepting the condom from Dave and rolling it on ever so slowly. “That is the least sexy thing I’ve ever been called.”
“I am a bad boy,” Dave said with a semi-straight face. “I guess you’ll just have to punish me for my improper nicknames.”
“Oh-ho-ho,” Kurt declared, brushing their cocks together. “You’ll get what’s coming to you, alright. Let me just.” Kurt reached down and tucked his laces into his boots. Then he kissed Dave’s jaw tenderly. “I’m going to turn you around now.”
Dave complied cautiously, bracing his elbows against the wall. Kurt slowly slid his fingers down Dave’s backside, dick throbbing impatiently. He grabbed a handful of Dave’s ass and squeezed, grinning at the other man’s jump.
“Shh, relax,” Kurt mumbled, kissing the back of Dave’s neck. Then he grabbed his erection and slowly guided it between the jock’s thighs. “Oh,” Kurt gurgled. “Oh, fuck.” He began slowly thrusting, just barely hitting the back of Dave’s balls as he did so.
Dave moaned, reaching down to grab his dick. Kurt reached around and slid his hand over Dave’s. “Oh my god, oh my god.” Dave keened, bucking back into Kurt. “This is actually a lot hotter than I thought it’d be,” he whispered as Kurt continued to fuck his thighs at an agonizingly steady pace.
“Mmm,” Kurt agreed, letting go of Dave’s member to skim over his stomach. Dave flinched back, hand moving back to the wall again. “Ah ah ah,” Kurt scolded, tangling his fingers in the hair there. “I cannot properly express how turned on I am by you right now.”
“My stomach is--”
“Unbelievably delicious,” Kurt finished, whispering it directly into Dave’s ear. He shivered. “You are just my type,” Kurt confirmed, dick sliding up and over Dave’s crack.
“Oh fuck,” Dave hissed, curling his hands into fists once more. He smacked his hands on the wall of the bathroom.
Kurt, feeling triumphant, slid his cock in between Dave’s crease once more. When he didn’t hear any objections, Kurt began moving at a more frantic pace than before. Dave was making noises in the back of his throat, spurring Kurt to go faster. “I have to warn you,” Kurt kissed the back of Dave’s neck, “I’m sofuckingclose, you have no idea.”
“That’s fine,” Dave choked out, breathing heavily. “Me too.”
“Oh, well then.” Kurt left Dave’s happy trail to return to his groin and began jerking him off.
Between the hand job and the dick on his ass, Dave had about another minute before he came undone, spilling all over Kurt’s hand. “Fuck,” Dave growled, leaning back into Kurt’s touch. A droplet of sweat ran down his nose. “Oh-my-fucking-God.”
Kurt teased Dave’s spoiled little hole, cock reaching almost unpleasant levels in pleasure. He came, biting down on Dave’s shoulder blade. “You,” Kurt kissed the wound tenderly. “That was wonderful. Best fricking Christmas present ever.”
“What?” Dave barked a laugh, making no effort to clean himself up or even move. “I thought that scarf I got you was the best present ever?”
“I will admit to it leading to the best,” Kurt joked, nuzzling his nose into the back of Dave’s jaw bone. “No, I’m kidding I swear. That scarf is fantastic. I may even let you borrow it to cover up those nasty hickeys. Who gave them to you anyway?”
“Man, I don’t fucking know, some jerk who pulled me into the bathroom for getting him some kind of spectacular Christmas present.”
“Am I going to have to have to beat this jerk up? That’s my boyfriend he’s giving hickeys to.”
“Excuse me? This is the manager.” Someone rapped quickly on the door. “I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”
“Oh my god, you just got me kicked out of my favorite coffee shop,” Kurt bitched.
** I give Magz credit for that buttocks sentence, lmao.
TIS THE SEASON FOR DAVE'S WHOREDOM FA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA
Summary: Dave needs to be educated. Kurt helps him out a little bit.
Rating: (IN CASE YOU WEREN'T AWARE) NC-17
“Dave, I swear to god if you don’t stop right now I’m going to come all over your face.”
Then man in question grinned around Kurt’s dick, sliding off with a soft slurp. He slowly stood, legs shaking a little from kneeling so long. Dave draped his arms around Kurt and kissed him slowly, relishing the taste of the other man’s mouth. When they parted, Dave whispered, “What’s the matter, you don’t like it when I do that?”
“I’m pretty sure the entire Lima Bean just heard how much I liked that,” Kurt muttered, caressing Dave’s cheeks with his knuckles.
Dave snorted, “Nah, not at all. You’re a lot quieter than you think you are.” His expression twisted into something filthy. “Which leaves me to round two. Going down?” And without waiting for an answer, Dave dropped to the floor again, opening his mouth to suck up as much of Kurt as possible.
Kurt hissed, clamping both hands over his mouth. “Oh god,” he sobbed, leaning back against the wall. “Oh I don’t believe in god but ohfuckingchrist.” Kurt jerked a bit and bit down on his lip. “You are so good at this, fuck.”
“Hank-hyew,” Dave mumbled with a mouth full of cock. The vibrations ripped another noise from Kurt’s throat. Dave ran his tongue along the countertenor’s frenulum and sucked hard, spit dribbling down his jaw.
Someone banged on the door to the restroom.
“Fucking a,” Dave hissed, pulling off. “Can a man not take a crap in peace?” he yelled towards the door. Without another word, the jock swirled his tongue around the head of Kurt’s erection a few times. Kurt went back to holding his cries in with his hand. Dave swallowed Kurt’s member greedily, alternating between sucking and licking up the long vein on the underside Kurt’s shaft. To deter him from coming too soon, Dave swirled his tongue around the head once more and slowly licked down to Kurt’s balls. He sucked them into his mouth gingerly.
“Oh crap, oh,” Kurt whispered, reaching down to cradle Dave’s face. He swiped his thumb to catch a bit of drool. “Do you have a--” Kurt faltered with a nervous giggle. “Oh tell me you have a condom.”
“I,” Dave started. He flushed suddenly, reaching into his back pocket for his wallet. “Yeah,” he confirmed, pulling the packet out of his wallet. “Don’t ask where I got it from, for the love of God.”
“Wasn’t even planning on it,” Kurt confirmed, bending over to meet Dave halfway. He swiped his tongue across Dave’s lower lip and hummed in appreciation. “Would you...” Kurt’s lids fluttered and his eyes darkened as he looked down at Dave. “Do you mind if I...?” He seemed unable to fully voice his question.
“Mind if you...?” After a second Dave caught on and his eyes widened. “Oh,” he whispered, eyes dilating. “I mean.” He huffed a sigh, setting the condom on the sink. “I don’t really think I’m ready for that yet,” he admitted, cheeks blazing. “I mean, I’ve seen other guys do it in porn and shit, but,” Dave looked down at Kurt’s crotch, “dude your dick is huge. That is never going to fit in me.”
“And that is a perfectly acceptable answer,” Kurt acquiesced, tugging Dave up into a standing position. He finger-walked down Dave’s chest to the front of his jeans. With the skill only an expert beadazzler could manage, Kurt snapped open the button to Dave’s pants and dove in. Wrapping his fingers gingerly around Dave’s shaft, Kurt used his thumb to explore Dave’s cock. He was cut, a little thicker than Kurt was, and Dave’s dick curved up, whereas Kurt’s was straight.
“Fuck,” Dave hissed, squeezing his hands into fists. A bit of precome leaked from the tip, much to Kurt’s glee.
With a satisfied smirk, Kurt slowly began to pump his hand up and down. Kurt swiped his thumb around the tip of Dave’s erection, spreading the viscous liquid about. Then he used the palm of his hand to massage Dave’s head, reveling in the needy sounds coming out of the back of Dave’s throat. “David,” Kurt whispered into his ear. Using Dave’s own precome as lubricant, Kurt continued with, “Oh Dave, you have no idea the things I want to do to you. Fuck,” Kurt groaned, biting down at the junction between Dave’s neck and shoulder. “There’s different kinds of sex besides anal, you know.”
“I am,” Dave choked. “I am aware of a few of them.”
“There is one method,” Kurt started, pumping Dave’s cock. “There’s no penetration, you just take your dick and,” Kurt gave a little twist of his hand, “you can fuck them in between their thighs or...” Kurt curved a hand over Dave’s ass, the tips of his fingers grazing the crease between his buttocks1.
Dave panted into Kurt’s neck, bringing his arms around Kurt’s shoulders and holding on for dear life.
The pounding on the door resumed.
“DO YOU UNDERSTAND,” Kurt yelled, “THAT I HAVE HAD THE WORST SUSHI OF MY LIFE?”
“I -- could be okay with that,” Dave admitted with a shiver. He blindly grasped on the counter for the condom wrapper.
Sensing Dave’s nerves, Kurt resumed his ministrations double time. “It’s just something to think about,” Kurt sang with a feral grin.
“Yeah no, I.” Dave laughed and bit the inside of his cheek. “Oh fuck, fuck!” Breathing hard, he continued with, “Let’s do it, man.”
“You did not just call me man,” Kurt snarked, accepting the condom from Dave and rolling it on ever so slowly. “That is the least sexy thing I’ve ever been called.”
“I am a bad boy,” Dave said with a semi-straight face. “I guess you’ll just have to punish me for my improper nicknames.”
“Oh-ho-ho,” Kurt declared, brushing their cocks together. “You’ll get what’s coming to you, alright. Let me just.” Kurt reached down and tucked his laces into his boots. Then he kissed Dave’s jaw tenderly. “I’m going to turn you around now.”
Dave complied cautiously, bracing his elbows against the wall. Kurt slowly slid his fingers down Dave’s backside, dick throbbing impatiently. He grabbed a handful of Dave’s ass and squeezed, grinning at the other man’s jump.
“Shh, relax,” Kurt mumbled, kissing the back of Dave’s neck. Then he grabbed his erection and slowly guided it between the jock’s thighs. “Oh,” Kurt gurgled. “Oh, fuck.” He began slowly thrusting, just barely hitting the back of Dave’s balls as he did so.
Dave moaned, reaching down to grab his dick. Kurt reached around and slid his hand over Dave’s. “Oh my god, oh my god.” Dave keened, bucking back into Kurt. “This is actually a lot hotter than I thought it’d be,” he whispered as Kurt continued to fuck his thighs at an agonizingly steady pace.
“Mmm,” Kurt agreed, letting go of Dave’s member to skim over his stomach. Dave flinched back, hand moving back to the wall again. “Ah ah ah,” Kurt scolded, tangling his fingers in the hair there. “I cannot properly express how turned on I am by you right now.”
“My stomach is--”
“Unbelievably delicious,” Kurt finished, whispering it directly into Dave’s ear. He shivered. “You are just my type,” Kurt confirmed, dick sliding up and over Dave’s crack.
“Oh fuck,” Dave hissed, curling his hands into fists once more. He smacked his hands on the wall of the bathroom.
Kurt, feeling triumphant, slid his cock in between Dave’s crease once more. When he didn’t hear any objections, Kurt began moving at a more frantic pace than before. Dave was making noises in the back of his throat, spurring Kurt to go faster. “I have to warn you,” Kurt kissed the back of Dave’s neck, “I’m sofuckingclose, you have no idea.”
“That’s fine,” Dave choked out, breathing heavily. “Me too.”
“Oh, well then.” Kurt left Dave’s happy trail to return to his groin and began jerking him off.
Between the hand job and the dick on his ass, Dave had about another minute before he came undone, spilling all over Kurt’s hand. “Fuck,” Dave growled, leaning back into Kurt’s touch. A droplet of sweat ran down his nose. “Oh-my-fucking-God.”
Kurt teased Dave’s spoiled little hole, cock reaching almost unpleasant levels in pleasure. He came, biting down on Dave’s shoulder blade. “You,” Kurt kissed the wound tenderly. “That was wonderful. Best fricking Christmas present ever.”
“What?” Dave barked a laugh, making no effort to clean himself up or even move. “I thought that scarf I got you was the best present ever?”
“I will admit to it leading to the best,” Kurt joked, nuzzling his nose into the back of Dave’s jaw bone. “No, I’m kidding I swear. That scarf is fantastic. I may even let you borrow it to cover up those nasty hickeys. Who gave them to you anyway?”
“Man, I don’t fucking know, some jerk who pulled me into the bathroom for getting him some kind of spectacular Christmas present.”
“Am I going to have to have to beat this jerk up? That’s my boyfriend he’s giving hickeys to.”
“Excuse me? This is the manager.” Someone rapped quickly on the door. “I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”
“Oh my god, you just got me kicked out of my favorite coffee shop,” Kurt bitched.
** I give Magz credit for that buttocks sentence, lmao.