seasons of love
ever since it got to be cooler out, everything in my life has seemed to be going down the drain. i can't tell if it's all in my head or what. i hate everything. 2 weeks ago, it was HOT, life was amazing...i didn't think it would change so fast, so suddenly...my mind that is. in the 23 years i have gone through the seasons changing, i can't remember this happening, at quite a sudden rate. i don't feel right. nothing feels right. in the past, even if something was missing, i was always "alright". not now. this new feeling is saddening and uncontrollable. if i seem happy at times, it's fake. nothing is real to me. i can't feel what i want to feel. it's all forced. i have fantastic friends who care for me, a family who's always there, and a boyfriend who unconditionally loves me beyond belief. you'd think that would be enough, but it's not. call me hard to please, but everything feels surreal. and when i say everything i mean everything. the thought of having to get out of bed tomorrow saddens and scares me at the same time. it makes me not even want to go bed now even though im dead tired. im scared of the truth, and the nite always brings truth. the ultimate answers surface at nite...always. in conclusion, i just.dont.believe in myself or anything anymore. such is life.