its too hard to do this alone
Pfc. Stephen C. Benish, 20, of Clark, N.J., died Nov. 28 in Ar Ramadi,
Iraq, when he received enemy fire while on a dismounted patrol. Benish
was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 503rd Infantry Regiment, 2nd Brigade
Combat Team, 2nd Infantry Division, Camp Howze, Korea.
i hate not having doug to talk to this week. its the one week where i really need him to be here for me, and i can't even call him. i dont know what i would have done senior year without him beside me, holding me up. i'm sure he doesnt even know about steve, and that makes it even harder, because he has no idea that im going through all this pain. it sounds so simple, but all i need is someone to give me a hug, and tell me i'm going to get through this. i wont talk to him until saturday, and by then i will have (hopefull) gotten through the worst of this. but it wouldnt be so bad if SOMEBODY could tell me they cared. sometimes i feel like im losing him... that we are never going to be as close as we were. and that's part of life, but its just hard knowing that the friendship is changing.
steve and i were never really close. and i dont want people thinking that im using his death as a way to get sympathy. its just that steve is just like mike, never really boasted about being in the army, just considered it his duty to the government to sign up and go. thats why losing him is so hard on me, because i cant help but think, what if this was mike? what if i never had the chance to apologise to him, not just for the way i treated him, but the way i made him think that i didnt care. mike was a great guy, could have been a great boyfriend, and i just left him in the dust when i thought something else was what i wanted. i should have realised what i meant to him, what guy would call a girl almost every day when he was stationed overseas if he didnt reall care about her?? i screwed up bigtime with him, and i'm sorry.
so to all you girls out there, if there's someone who cares about you and truly makes an effort to talk to you, or to spend time with you, dont ignore that. dont take it for granted. be grateful that he wants you, wants to be with you. knowing someone cares about you is better than pretending not to care about them back.
embrace love, enjoy it, and dont forget to take the time every day to appreciate it
Iraq, when he received enemy fire while on a dismounted patrol. Benish
was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 503rd Infantry Regiment, 2nd Brigade
Combat Team, 2nd Infantry Division, Camp Howze, Korea.
i hate not having doug to talk to this week. its the one week where i really need him to be here for me, and i can't even call him. i dont know what i would have done senior year without him beside me, holding me up. i'm sure he doesnt even know about steve, and that makes it even harder, because he has no idea that im going through all this pain. it sounds so simple, but all i need is someone to give me a hug, and tell me i'm going to get through this. i wont talk to him until saturday, and by then i will have (hopefull) gotten through the worst of this. but it wouldnt be so bad if SOMEBODY could tell me they cared. sometimes i feel like im losing him... that we are never going to be as close as we were. and that's part of life, but its just hard knowing that the friendship is changing.
steve and i were never really close. and i dont want people thinking that im using his death as a way to get sympathy. its just that steve is just like mike, never really boasted about being in the army, just considered it his duty to the government to sign up and go. thats why losing him is so hard on me, because i cant help but think, what if this was mike? what if i never had the chance to apologise to him, not just for the way i treated him, but the way i made him think that i didnt care. mike was a great guy, could have been a great boyfriend, and i just left him in the dust when i thought something else was what i wanted. i should have realised what i meant to him, what guy would call a girl almost every day when he was stationed overseas if he didnt reall care about her?? i screwed up bigtime with him, and i'm sorry.
so to all you girls out there, if there's someone who cares about you and truly makes an effort to talk to you, or to spend time with you, dont ignore that. dont take it for granted. be grateful that he wants you, wants to be with you. knowing someone cares about you is better than pretending not to care about them back.
embrace love, enjoy it, and dont forget to take the time every day to appreciate it