Tuesday, January 18, 2000
they say that in everyone's life, there is a day that the wish they could go back to and start over. i know what that day is for me. its january 18th, 2000, the day i broke up with my first high school boyfriend. i remember, i broke up with him for the stupidest reason in the world! he's the only person who's been truly understanding of me, even through the tough times weve been through. i'm not saying that i wish we were still together today, but i wish i hadn't hurt him then the way i did. what kind of idiot breaks up with someone who brings them home gifts from disneyworld, makes them cds, calls me every night just to tell me he loves me, over something so insignificant as a kiss?? my life would be so different now, so much simpler.. if i hadnt made a stupid decision like the one i did that night. i've never felt loved like the way he loved me, and i know now that it is the reason i've been so confused about all of my sexual experiences since then. i was stupid, to think that his words were meaningless, thinking that love meant nothing unless there were actions to support that claim.
he's in a wonderful relationship now, and has been for nearly 3 years, and i am truly happy for him that he found love. i just wish that i had spent more time with him then so i could learn how to love, and to accept simply being loved for the person i am.
i wouldn't be the miserable person i am now if i had made a different decision that day, but the reality of life is that you cant change the past, you can only change yourself for the future. so i want to thank him for that realization, and apologize for doing all the terrible things i did in the past 2 years trying to get him back. i'm so grateful that he forgave me for my wrongdoings and can still consider me a friend, and gives me the respect i so do not deserve from him.
so thank you, you know who you are, because you have finally taught me that i need to respect myself before others are going to respect me.
and by the way, to all of you out there who have a PROBLEM with the things i say here, stop reading my livejournal! why do you care so much about my opinion that you read about it every day?
he's in a wonderful relationship now, and has been for nearly 3 years, and i am truly happy for him that he found love. i just wish that i had spent more time with him then so i could learn how to love, and to accept simply being loved for the person i am.
i wouldn't be the miserable person i am now if i had made a different decision that day, but the reality of life is that you cant change the past, you can only change yourself for the future. so i want to thank him for that realization, and apologize for doing all the terrible things i did in the past 2 years trying to get him back. i'm so grateful that he forgave me for my wrongdoings and can still consider me a friend, and gives me the respect i so do not deserve from him.
so thank you, you know who you are, because you have finally taught me that i need to respect myself before others are going to respect me.
and by the way, to all of you out there who have a PROBLEM with the things i say here, stop reading my livejournal! why do you care so much about my opinion that you read about it every day?