"Even now just looking @ you feels wrong....."
So as I saw happening, things w/ Ben blew up. We've been hanging out the past couple weeks & on tuesday I get a nasty msg from his GF on facebook- gotta fucking love facebook, right?!?! Anyone can get a hold of anyone on that damn site! IDK who said something or if that even matters at this point, but now Ben won't really talk to me & he also took me off his facebook to boot!
Now i'm left feeling like the dirty skank, I mean he won't even talk to me & while I know what happened is wrong, this isn't ALL my fault! I never once initiated anything! I'm just glad we didn't have sex b/c I know it probably would have happened had I not stopped it. But to be honest I didn't WANT to have sex w/ him. I'm just so confused as to how I feel or don't feel?!?! Now that he's not talking to me I find myself wanting to talk to him/see him!!!!
It's like all of a sudden I feel like my feelings have changed & maybe I really did just fight my feelings that whole time I turned him down?! Or maybe I just like the attention?!?!?! Either way I feel like shit. :( No matter what he was my friend, so now I kinda feel like that went down the toilet. I was stupid in thinking she didn't know what was going on, the other night I had to go home b/c she was on her way over! I can't want that for my life, can I?!?!
Why would I want to be w/ someone who cheated on his GF, if he really liked me he would have dumped her. & if he did dump her would I really want to be w/ him?!?! I have all these questions & NONE of the answers! :( God it's so fucked up! I mean there's a reason I didn't like him b4, we should have just left it alone!
When I txt him to tell him about the lovely msg I got, he seemed to have no idea. He tells me we'll talk later & the next thing I know he's ignoring me & taking me off facebook- now a days that's a HUGE sign. Fuckin facebook!!!!!!!! So i txt him today & was like ok have it your way, bye ben......he writes back telling me he's at work. I said i'm not dumb i know you're ignoring me & he asks where I am. I say why?!?! & then I tell him I have class.....so he says he'll call later, it's 9:30 now & he still hasn't called. I highly doubt he will either. I told him he didn't have to call me, that I "got it"; but I still wanted him to pick up the phone anyway. :(
I just don't think he is that happy w/ his GF, I mean he flat out told me he went w/ her b/c he gave up on me! What kind of reason is that to date someone?!?! & they've been dating for a long time, over a year i'd say. I'm sure somewhere in there he does like her, but his initial intentions for dating her were fucked up if you ask me.
IDK if she knows that he kissed me, I hope not.....but then again she probably does cuz she found the rest of it out! Then to top things off I see Kyle on my way to class & he high fives me like we're buddies or something. I walk away & wanna burst into tears. I think part of the reason this whole thing has been going on w/ Ben is b/c i'm trying to find comfort in my situation w/ Kyle.....
That's what I do, I jump from one bad situation to another in hopes that the first situation won't bother me anymore. Only to create another situation that's not that great either!!!!! :( I just can't win. I do hope at some point he talks to me, b/c I don't even really understand what all went down....I just know that things changed in the blink of an eye.
Now i'm left feeling like the dirty skank, I mean he won't even talk to me & while I know what happened is wrong, this isn't ALL my fault! I never once initiated anything! I'm just glad we didn't have sex b/c I know it probably would have happened had I not stopped it. But to be honest I didn't WANT to have sex w/ him. I'm just so confused as to how I feel or don't feel?!?! Now that he's not talking to me I find myself wanting to talk to him/see him!!!!
It's like all of a sudden I feel like my feelings have changed & maybe I really did just fight my feelings that whole time I turned him down?! Or maybe I just like the attention?!?!?! Either way I feel like shit. :( No matter what he was my friend, so now I kinda feel like that went down the toilet. I was stupid in thinking she didn't know what was going on, the other night I had to go home b/c she was on her way over! I can't want that for my life, can I?!?!
Why would I want to be w/ someone who cheated on his GF, if he really liked me he would have dumped her. & if he did dump her would I really want to be w/ him?!?! I have all these questions & NONE of the answers! :( God it's so fucked up! I mean there's a reason I didn't like him b4, we should have just left it alone!
When I txt him to tell him about the lovely msg I got, he seemed to have no idea. He tells me we'll talk later & the next thing I know he's ignoring me & taking me off facebook- now a days that's a HUGE sign. Fuckin facebook!!!!!!!! So i txt him today & was like ok have it your way, bye ben......he writes back telling me he's at work. I said i'm not dumb i know you're ignoring me & he asks where I am. I say why?!?! & then I tell him I have class.....so he says he'll call later, it's 9:30 now & he still hasn't called. I highly doubt he will either. I told him he didn't have to call me, that I "got it"; but I still wanted him to pick up the phone anyway. :(
I just don't think he is that happy w/ his GF, I mean he flat out told me he went w/ her b/c he gave up on me! What kind of reason is that to date someone?!?! & they've been dating for a long time, over a year i'd say. I'm sure somewhere in there he does like her, but his initial intentions for dating her were fucked up if you ask me.
IDK if she knows that he kissed me, I hope not.....but then again she probably does cuz she found the rest of it out! Then to top things off I see Kyle on my way to class & he high fives me like we're buddies or something. I walk away & wanna burst into tears. I think part of the reason this whole thing has been going on w/ Ben is b/c i'm trying to find comfort in my situation w/ Kyle.....
That's what I do, I jump from one bad situation to another in hopes that the first situation won't bother me anymore. Only to create another situation that's not that great either!!!!! :( I just can't win. I do hope at some point he talks to me, b/c I don't even really understand what all went down....I just know that things changed in the blink of an eye.