First post; A little about myself
Hey all,
My name is Emily, and yes, I am queer. Queer, queer, queer, queer, and queer! I am fucking proud to be able to call myself Queer. I'm Queer, and don't you forget it!
Now that I have emphatically declared myself as queer, why the hell am I calling this LiveJournal "Straight Talk?" The answer is simple: I'm fed up with meeting too many straight people who don't know the first thing about what it means to be queer. However, I don't want to use this as a ranting forum against all you heteros out there - I want to do something positive with this journal and build a bridge between us. It's my hope that straight people can read this journal to learn something about being queer, and in return, I hope that some of you straight readers can leave comments that can help us queer people learn something about being straight - because as much as we'd like to say we know what it's like living in a straight world, let's be honest. We're here, we're Queer, and we were born that way. We haven't lived a single straight day in our lives, so how could we possibly understand what it's like to be straight?! So let's build that bridge, people, one span at a time.
Before I continue, I must make a bit of a disclaimer here, just so that I don't have the whole straight world and half the queer world at my throat... What I write is purely my thoughts and opinions on these issues, no matter how hard I try to claim that I am right. I am NOT right, nor am I wrong. I am simply voicing my thoughts in an attempt to reach across the boundaries of sexual orientation and gender identity.
In order to understand my writings, you're going to need to understand a little about myself to understand why I write what I write. Otherwise, while you'll be able to get most of what I'm talking about, some of it will be lost on you. If you feel like you're missing something in my posts, you can always come back to this post to see if it helps. So here I am, opened up for all to see!
My name is Emily (yes, I know I said it once before, but I needed a good segue...), and I am queer. What do I mean by 'queer' you ask? Good question. 'Queer' can mean just about anything or nothing at all in the queer community. It can mean gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered, transsexual, two-spirited, bigendered, genderqueer, or a whole other slew of identities. It can even just mean simply 'queer,' with no other specific identity attached to itself. For many in the queer world, it's an umbrella term meant to be inclusive of everyone who is a part of the queer community. A lot of straight people use the term derogatorily toward us. Within the queer community itself, however, we're reclaiming it back and using it positively (remember 'umbrella term?'). You have my permission to use the term 'queer' in your comments, as long as you don't use it in a negative way.
I personally prefer the term 'queer' to identify myself because I cannot find another identity that describes me so perfectly. Why, you ask? Well, in sexual orientation and gender identity terms, I'm a mutt. Part gay, part lesbian, part guy, part girl. Hell, I'm even part straight. I suppose bisexual and bigendered could work, but that's assuming I even adhere to binary concepts of gender and sexual orientation. The truth is, I'm completely off the map here. Born a male, I am finally discovering my inner girl. I may or may not transition fully (to being female, with all the parts) later in life, I will figure that out as I embark on this quest of self-exploration. However, I don't see gender in terms of male vs. female; I see it in terms of, "how feminine am I, and how masculine am I, and how can I express the two in perfect harmony as it applies to my personal identity." Feminine and Masculine are simply two reference points on a wide spectrum of genders. If you're having trouble understanding this, that's ok. You're allowed to be confused. Hell, you better be allowed, because it's confusing to me too! See, even though this has always been a part of who I am, I really only 'discovered' it less than a year ago (By 'discovered' I mean 'stopped suppressing'). But essentially, I have no gender, I am simply between genders.
As you may have figured out by now, Emily is not my 'real' name. Personally I consider 'Emily' to be just as real a name to me as my legal name, which I am not going to post on here. If you know who I am, then please don't reveal my 'real' name to anyone, and if you don't know who I am, then don't ask me to reveal my 'real' name because I'm not gonna. So, what's in a name? Well, nothing and everything at the same time. A name is nothing more than a label, and labels mean nothing to me anymore. A name is just a way to identify myself over everyone else around me. However, the name that one chooses speaks volumes about who one is. Take 'Emily' for example. The name 'Emily' says to everyone that I have a female identity. I've been using this name for about 6 months now, among my friends who know about my gender issues. To everyone else I am 'Chris' (not my real name, just a name used to represent my male self). Yes, for the most part I am in the closet about my gender identity. BTW, while 'Chris' is just an alias to cover my real name, 'Emily' is a name that I use daily, so it can be considered my 'real' name. On this journal, I will expect you to call me Emily in any of your comments, with the possible exception that you are referring specifically to the masculine side of who I am, in which case you may call me 'Chris,' though I do not consider it to be my name.
As for my sexual orientation, I am for the most part out of the closet about that. I don't go out of my way to make it publicly visible, but if it's brought up in conversation, I'm not making any effort to hide it, either. Since you're going to need to know my sexual orientation to understand what I write, I will put it out here for all to know. I am pansexual. What is 'pansexual?' It's bisexual acknowledging the existence of more than two genders. No, it doesn't mean that I want to sleep with everybody. It simply means that I have the potential to be attracted to anybody, irregardless of gender. I still prefer a monogamous relationship, I just don't care if you're female, male, or anything else. Actually, since my own gender is unclear, it's kinda hard to apply an identity like 'gay' or 'straight' or 'lesbian' because they all require a reference to your own gender in the first place. I'm gay, lesbian, and straight all at the same time, and yet I am none of the above.
Ok, so by now I'm sure you've all noticed the common theme resonating across the last few paragraphs. If not let me explain. It's the (highly confusing) concept of duality. I've got one foot in the world of guys, and one foot in the world of girls. One foot in the gay/lesbian world, and one foot in the straight world. Yet despite having two more feet than I can count, I don't fully fit in with any of the above. I can't claim to understand what it's like to live in any of the above-mentioned worlds. I can only claim to understand what it's like to be me. So yeah, I'm a big fan of duality, it seems to fit me very nicely. You'll find that the more I write, the more you'll find this concept throughout my writings.
My hope is that this journal will be much like some sort of "Dear Abby" newspaper column about queer issues. Not that I'm giving advice here, or am even qualified to do so, but I do want to write this in the style of a newspaper column - with one major exception - it needs to be raw and unedited. The only parts I'm ever going to fix up here are spelling mistakes (I can be very anal-retentive about my English). However, what I write is meant to reflect my immediate thoughts and opinions. It's pure, raw, and emotional. If I ever start to box myself in, then please give me a virtual slap across the face. (I said virtual... not physical!) I'm also going to include a dictionary of sorts, made in a comment after each post. I will be providing definitions of terms that I use in order that you are clear about what I am talking about. I strongly encourage you to comment, whether it may be your own beef, thought or opinion, or simply to say hello. You can also use the comments page to request a definition that I haven't included (because I will forget, or think a term is clear when it isnt). Remember, they're not official definitions, they're simply how I understand and use each word. Because I am personally affected by transgender issues, you're going to see the transgender issues overrepresented here - no matter how hard I try to balance my topics, I'm still going to be talking a hell of a lot about trans and gender issues. Just keep that in mind, please. I do promise that I will make an effort, however, to keep a healthy amount of general gay/lesbian/bisexual issues that are not trans/gender related.
As I've said before, I'm still partially in the closet (particularly to my family), and although I have 24/7 internet access, my ability to post here may be a bit erratic. (Hey, I have a life, too!) I'm not going to establish a M/W/F or weekly pattern or anything like that, I'll just post when I can. Please understand that, and be patient if you've been waiting a long time for my next post.
Some final words before I go: with everything said, I'm going to enjoy doing this. And I do get something out of it; I get the satisfaction of knowing that I'm helping people to understand queer issues and that I'm building a bridge between our two worlds. I'll leave you to sit on what I've said today; give you some time to let it sink in and get to know me. I'll post the first 'column' at the next chance I get.
Luv you all,
Emily
My name is Emily, and yes, I am queer. Queer, queer, queer, queer, and queer! I am fucking proud to be able to call myself Queer. I'm Queer, and don't you forget it!
Now that I have emphatically declared myself as queer, why the hell am I calling this LiveJournal "Straight Talk?" The answer is simple: I'm fed up with meeting too many straight people who don't know the first thing about what it means to be queer. However, I don't want to use this as a ranting forum against all you heteros out there - I want to do something positive with this journal and build a bridge between us. It's my hope that straight people can read this journal to learn something about being queer, and in return, I hope that some of you straight readers can leave comments that can help us queer people learn something about being straight - because as much as we'd like to say we know what it's like living in a straight world, let's be honest. We're here, we're Queer, and we were born that way. We haven't lived a single straight day in our lives, so how could we possibly understand what it's like to be straight?! So let's build that bridge, people, one span at a time.
Before I continue, I must make a bit of a disclaimer here, just so that I don't have the whole straight world and half the queer world at my throat... What I write is purely my thoughts and opinions on these issues, no matter how hard I try to claim that I am right. I am NOT right, nor am I wrong. I am simply voicing my thoughts in an attempt to reach across the boundaries of sexual orientation and gender identity.
In order to understand my writings, you're going to need to understand a little about myself to understand why I write what I write. Otherwise, while you'll be able to get most of what I'm talking about, some of it will be lost on you. If you feel like you're missing something in my posts, you can always come back to this post to see if it helps. So here I am, opened up for all to see!
My name is Emily (yes, I know I said it once before, but I needed a good segue...), and I am queer. What do I mean by 'queer' you ask? Good question. 'Queer' can mean just about anything or nothing at all in the queer community. It can mean gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered, transsexual, two-spirited, bigendered, genderqueer, or a whole other slew of identities. It can even just mean simply 'queer,' with no other specific identity attached to itself. For many in the queer world, it's an umbrella term meant to be inclusive of everyone who is a part of the queer community. A lot of straight people use the term derogatorily toward us. Within the queer community itself, however, we're reclaiming it back and using it positively (remember 'umbrella term?'). You have my permission to use the term 'queer' in your comments, as long as you don't use it in a negative way.
I personally prefer the term 'queer' to identify myself because I cannot find another identity that describes me so perfectly. Why, you ask? Well, in sexual orientation and gender identity terms, I'm a mutt. Part gay, part lesbian, part guy, part girl. Hell, I'm even part straight. I suppose bisexual and bigendered could work, but that's assuming I even adhere to binary concepts of gender and sexual orientation. The truth is, I'm completely off the map here. Born a male, I am finally discovering my inner girl. I may or may not transition fully (to being female, with all the parts) later in life, I will figure that out as I embark on this quest of self-exploration. However, I don't see gender in terms of male vs. female; I see it in terms of, "how feminine am I, and how masculine am I, and how can I express the two in perfect harmony as it applies to my personal identity." Feminine and Masculine are simply two reference points on a wide spectrum of genders. If you're having trouble understanding this, that's ok. You're allowed to be confused. Hell, you better be allowed, because it's confusing to me too! See, even though this has always been a part of who I am, I really only 'discovered' it less than a year ago (By 'discovered' I mean 'stopped suppressing'). But essentially, I have no gender, I am simply between genders.
As you may have figured out by now, Emily is not my 'real' name. Personally I consider 'Emily' to be just as real a name to me as my legal name, which I am not going to post on here. If you know who I am, then please don't reveal my 'real' name to anyone, and if you don't know who I am, then don't ask me to reveal my 'real' name because I'm not gonna. So, what's in a name? Well, nothing and everything at the same time. A name is nothing more than a label, and labels mean nothing to me anymore. A name is just a way to identify myself over everyone else around me. However, the name that one chooses speaks volumes about who one is. Take 'Emily' for example. The name 'Emily' says to everyone that I have a female identity. I've been using this name for about 6 months now, among my friends who know about my gender issues. To everyone else I am 'Chris' (not my real name, just a name used to represent my male self). Yes, for the most part I am in the closet about my gender identity. BTW, while 'Chris' is just an alias to cover my real name, 'Emily' is a name that I use daily, so it can be considered my 'real' name. On this journal, I will expect you to call me Emily in any of your comments, with the possible exception that you are referring specifically to the masculine side of who I am, in which case you may call me 'Chris,' though I do not consider it to be my name.
As for my sexual orientation, I am for the most part out of the closet about that. I don't go out of my way to make it publicly visible, but if it's brought up in conversation, I'm not making any effort to hide it, either. Since you're going to need to know my sexual orientation to understand what I write, I will put it out here for all to know. I am pansexual. What is 'pansexual?' It's bisexual acknowledging the existence of more than two genders. No, it doesn't mean that I want to sleep with everybody. It simply means that I have the potential to be attracted to anybody, irregardless of gender. I still prefer a monogamous relationship, I just don't care if you're female, male, or anything else. Actually, since my own gender is unclear, it's kinda hard to apply an identity like 'gay' or 'straight' or 'lesbian' because they all require a reference to your own gender in the first place. I'm gay, lesbian, and straight all at the same time, and yet I am none of the above.
Ok, so by now I'm sure you've all noticed the common theme resonating across the last few paragraphs. If not let me explain. It's the (highly confusing) concept of duality. I've got one foot in the world of guys, and one foot in the world of girls. One foot in the gay/lesbian world, and one foot in the straight world. Yet despite having two more feet than I can count, I don't fully fit in with any of the above. I can't claim to understand what it's like to live in any of the above-mentioned worlds. I can only claim to understand what it's like to be me. So yeah, I'm a big fan of duality, it seems to fit me very nicely. You'll find that the more I write, the more you'll find this concept throughout my writings.
My hope is that this journal will be much like some sort of "Dear Abby" newspaper column about queer issues. Not that I'm giving advice here, or am even qualified to do so, but I do want to write this in the style of a newspaper column - with one major exception - it needs to be raw and unedited. The only parts I'm ever going to fix up here are spelling mistakes (I can be very anal-retentive about my English). However, what I write is meant to reflect my immediate thoughts and opinions. It's pure, raw, and emotional. If I ever start to box myself in, then please give me a virtual slap across the face. (I said virtual... not physical!) I'm also going to include a dictionary of sorts, made in a comment after each post. I will be providing definitions of terms that I use in order that you are clear about what I am talking about. I strongly encourage you to comment, whether it may be your own beef, thought or opinion, or simply to say hello. You can also use the comments page to request a definition that I haven't included (because I will forget, or think a term is clear when it isnt). Remember, they're not official definitions, they're simply how I understand and use each word. Because I am personally affected by transgender issues, you're going to see the transgender issues overrepresented here - no matter how hard I try to balance my topics, I'm still going to be talking a hell of a lot about trans and gender issues. Just keep that in mind, please. I do promise that I will make an effort, however, to keep a healthy amount of general gay/lesbian/bisexual issues that are not trans/gender related.
As I've said before, I'm still partially in the closet (particularly to my family), and although I have 24/7 internet access, my ability to post here may be a bit erratic. (Hey, I have a life, too!) I'm not going to establish a M/W/F or weekly pattern or anything like that, I'll just post when I can. Please understand that, and be patient if you've been waiting a long time for my next post.
Some final words before I go: with everything said, I'm going to enjoy doing this. And I do get something out of it; I get the satisfaction of knowing that I'm helping people to understand queer issues and that I'm building a bridge between our two worlds. I'll leave you to sit on what I've said today; give you some time to let it sink in and get to know me. I'll post the first 'column' at the next chance I get.
Luv you all,
Emily