Why Have I Fallen for You? [EPILOGUE]

[emilyglh]

“We shall discuss about the cerebral hemispheres and the types of signals it sends to the interneurones and efferent neurones tomorrow” I hurry to scribble down the points that I need to revise for tomorrow’s discussion.

“Class dismiss then” I sighed heavily.

It’s been a long day; all we did so far was to discuss about all the parts of the brain in detail. The medical diagnosis with treatment has yet been touched. But why the rush anyway? I’ll be here for five years.

I decided to take a walk around the park just outside the school compound before calling it a day. My body shivered as the chilly November wind made contact with me despite the thick heavy coat I already have on.

I looked at the beautiful autumn leaves that have begun to shed and paint the campus grounds with shades of dark brown, yellow and red. I’d made the right decision by coming to Boston. This place gives me a sense of peace and happiness.

It’s been three days since I left Korea. I had tried to ring Jae Joong as soon as I touched down here. But sadly, I was only to be greeted by his voicemail leaving a message that he’s on vacation with Yun Ho hyung in Bora Bora now.

I’m really happy for my brother; at least he deserves the happiness that I didn’t get the chance to have.

I miss Yoo Chun deeply.

Vivid images of our night together began flashing through the back of my mind. Every night I close my eyes, I could still feel him throbbing deep inside of me.

I wonder how his wedding went. Are they on their honeymoon now? In Bora Bora as well maybe?

I smiled bitterly; his life would be better off without me anyway. I had almost become a home wrecker that day. I’ve decided to spend the rest of my life here in Boston, until at least Yoo Chun migrates off to Japan or somewhere far away. It would be for our own good. I don’t know what I’ll do if I see him again.

“Jun Su…” I stood rooted to the ground as I heard a familiar voice calling gently to me.

It couldn’t be. I’m in Boston. He’s elsewhere, enjoying his honeymoon.

And so, I did the only thing I could. I ran for my life.

“Jun Su!” I heard him yelling at me. I closed my eyes trying to drain out his voice and willed my legs to run faster.

I missed my footing and kicked on one of the tree root in front of me, I fell on the soft green grass instead. Yoo Chun had caught up with me; I could feel him kneeling next to me before his strong arms went to wrap around me tightly as he tried to help me stand.

“Don’t ever run away again Su. You scared the hell out of me that day” he whispered into my hair as he hugged me.

I wanted so badly to give in, but I didn’t. Instead, I shoved his chest away with my hands “Aren’t you supposed to be enjoying your honeymoon now? Your wife not enough to satisfy you?”

He closed his eyes and chuckled at me “What’s so funny?” I couldn’t help but sound annoyed.

First, he appears out of no where, and then he laughs at my question. Who does he think he is?

Apparently, he had sensed my rising anger and had stopped laughing. He turned and looked at me seriously “I came here for you”

I looked at him and sighed. I would never trust him ever again. So I stood up and leaved. I could sense his panic as he ran to catch up with me in fear of my repeated escape earlier.

“I’m serious Su. I’m here to apologize”

I avoided his eyes and said sarcastically “if you wanted sex. You could have just ask I’m sure I’ll give it to you like I did the last time”

I heard his footsteps coming to an abrupt halt; he grabbed my shoulders roughly so I would face him. I know he’s angry. I wanted to provoke him so he that he would leave.

“I love you. And I never want to let you go ever again. That day when you left, I was scared; scared that you weren’t beside me anymore. Everyone thought that I was the one who would always protect you no matter what happens, but in truth, you were the one that protected me, even until now. You were the one that give me strength to protect you, without you. I feel so lost” he admitted.

“I know why you left Su. I wanted to let you go at first….”

“Thank god you’re home Chun!” Mrs. Park hugged her son tightly. “I was about to report you missing” she joked.

“Now go upstairs and shower, we wouldn’t want the groom to be late and stinky”

“Even until then, I didn’t know what to feel. No matter how had I tried to wash everything away, I could still feel your lingering touch, burning in my skin. Memories of our night together repeated itself like a broken record in my mind. Nothing I do seemed to work. I know it’s wrong, I was supposed to get married”

He stared at the reflection in the mirror; he had on a silky black shirt topped with a pure white coat and matching white slacks. His shoes were black as well, hair neatly combed and styled. Everything was set, perfect in fact. But his heart felt otherwise.

“Here you go hyung” Chang Min pinned a small decorative red rose on the left side of his blazer carefully.

“The ceremony will begin in ten minutes. Remember your lines and don’t faint” Chang Min had noticed Yoo Chun’s rare silence and tried to lighten the atmosphere.

All that replied him was more of Yoo Chun’s silence and he was beginning to stare into space. “Are you alright hyung? Getting cold feet?”

“Huh? I’m fine” he replied absent mindedly.

Chang Min frowned but had to settle with his answer anyway “I’ll be back in a while. Just relax hyung. You only need to experience this day once in a lifetime”

Chang Min patted Yoo Chun’s shoulders gently and left the room with a soft click on the door as he continues to stare into space.

“All I could think of is you. I’d forced myself to go through this day without looking back, but I just couldn’t. I didn’t want to be that selfish bastard who took everything from you. I want you to go chase your dreams, the dreams which I so selfishly took from you five years ago. I tried to convince myself, after all I put you through, and you deserve your chance in Harvard”

Chang Min jogged towards Jae Joong and Yun Ho who were heading their way towards Yoo Chun’s dressing room “thank god you guys are here. I don’t know how long I can pretend anymore”

Jae Joong smiled bitterly “you don’t have to pretend anymore Min. Jun Su left for Boston this morning”

“I know. He called this morning. We need to switch plans” he continued urgently.

“I’m afraid there’s no need to Min. Yoo Chun’s getting married, Jun Su’s finally achieving his dreams. Everything has begun to fall into place, there’s nothing we need to do anymore” Jae Joong voiced out coldly.

Chang Min’s whole being seethed in anger “What? What do you mean there’s no need? Jun Su was crying to me on the phone when he left this morning! Yoo Chun’s sitting in the dressing room ogling his way to Mars! Are they going to be happy like this?!”

“You’re the one that convinced me into this hyung. Are you going to give up half way through?”

“Imagine the number of people that we’re going to hurt if we crashed this wedding! You think I like seeing my brother suffer?!” Jae Joong burst out.

There was thick silence in the atmosphere as everyone was lost for words.

“Often Min, we’re caught between the convenient truth and the bitter truth. We had made ours, so did your Yoo Chun hyung, which is to continue this wedding. Sometimes, we make choices not according to what we want; we make them to what we need.” Yun Ho advised Chang Min.

Chang Min forced a smile and patted Yun Ho’s back “you’re right hyung. Let’s do this then”

All three of them took a deep breath and sighed as they held each for a group hug. What a mess Yoo Chun and Jun Su had got themselves trapped in.

Unknown to the three hugging figures, the eavesdropper left without a word.

Yoo Chun was startled by a knock on the door, assuming it was Chang Min, he left it unheeded.

“Yoo Chun”

He turned to the source of the voice “What are you doing here? I thought we weren’t suppose to see each other till the ceremony”

She smiled “I just thought I’d stop by to talk to you”

Yoo Chun willed himself to smile back, no matter how bad he wanted to cry.

“Are you sure you want this Chun?”

“Huh?” he was caught off guard by her question.

“Can you imagine yourself spending the rest of your life with me?” she asked him again.

Yoo Chun smiled, trying to avoid her question “Silly, we’re already getting married aren’t we?”

“You love him don’t you Chun?”

His brows raised in confusion and shock “Huh?”

“You love Jun Su don’t you?”

Yoo Chun hesitated “I…”

She cut him off “I’d always love to see the friendship you shared with Jun Su, that kind of friendship where you both only had eyes for each other. Sometimes I wonder if you really liked me, like how you liked Jun Su. But no matter how much you said you only love me, your eyes betrayed you. Yesterday, I asked myself, are we going to continue living in denial? How much longer am I going to deny that you don’t love me? How much longer are you going to deny that you love only Jun Su? The truth is, I’m the third party between the both of you.”

“This would get us no where Chun. I asked myself, what if I wake up next to you one day in twenty years ahead, seeing your eyes longing for someone else, and that someone would never be me. I would have ruined both our lives; we would have only lived in pain and more denial. I’m happy with the times we spend together, I really am. But, I think we should just remain only as friends.”

“But I…” he asked dumbly, he would never in his wildest dreams guess that things would end up being this far.

“Go get him. You both deserve each other.” She smiled as she reached for his hand, and for the first time, she felt as if a heavy burden had been lifted off her shoulders. She should have done this a long time ago, and she’s happy she did it today, before things went too complicated and far ahead.

He pulled her for a hug and cried in her arms “I promised myself not to hurt him anymore. I’m really at a lost”

She patted his back to comfort him “I’m sure he wants this as much as you do. Believe me; I could see it in his eyes every time he looks at you”

“You’ll never know if you try, at least, there won’t be any regrets. Like I did”

“Thank you so much Yoona and I’m so sorry”

“Yah, no regrets okay? And you’re very welcome Chun”

She took a deep breath before she exhaled, trying her best to hold her tears in and grinned as they released their embrace off each other “about our honeymoon tickets…”

“I had wanted to let you go at first. Like I had promised Jae Joong, but I owe you an explanation. And I’m really sorry for all the pain I’ve caused you Su. I had let my anger and jealousy cloud my rationality.”

“Yah, you idiot. Make sure you bring my brother back with a smile, or else I’ll get Chang Min to castrate you!” Jae Joong joked half heartedly as he hit Yoo Chun’s shoulders.

“Hyung” Chang Min whined “why is it me?”

Yun Ho chuckled “leave Chang Min and Yoo Chun’s manhood out of this”

Everyone laughed at Yun Ho’s remark “how’s Yoona doing now?”

Yoo Chun shrugged, his hands buried deep in his pockets “she left for Sydney this morning; her band got invited to play at the Opera House this weekend.”

“Honestly hyung, I’ve never thought things would end up this way. I’m a little worried about her” Chang Min began to exaggerate “imagine her, having a crush on Yoo Chun hyung since college, going after him, and finally, hyung accepted her, dated her, got engaged to her and only on the day before the wedding, she found out that her boyfriend is gay and is in love with his best friend. Even I can’t live out from this shock”

Jae Joong and Yun Ho had their arms crossed with their face even more crossed as Chang Min continued to mock Yoo Chun for being an idiot.

Jae Joong glared at him “Yah Shim Chang Min! Are you done?”

Yoo Chun sighed “I was totally caught off guard when she wanted to cancel the wedding. I don’t know how to thank her enough”

“Maybe she realize marrying you would be a big mistake after all” Chang Min ducked in time to Jae Joong and Yun Ho’s punch.

Yoo Chun chuckled at the sight of Chang Min being chased by Jae Joong and Yun Ho as they ran around him with the youngest using him as a shield. He wished Jun Su was here to share the happiness with him. He’s determined to win him back, at all costs.

“Flight BH7456 to Tahiti Faa'a International airport is now boarding” the PA system in the airport announced, calming the three shuffling figures.

Yun Ho clapped his hands together “well, that’s us”

“Win him back Yoo Chun, my brother’s a softie. You of all people should know” Jae Joong winked at the younger man.

“Remember to thank Yoona for the tickets” Yun Ho reminded Yoo Chun.

“Don’t worry hyung. I’ll even make sure she finds another guy better than Yoo Chun hyung” Chang Min butted in happily.

“Yah!” Jae Joong shouted.

“Let’s go Jae, we’re going to be late” Yun Ho managed to stop Jae Joong before he tackles Chang Min to the floor.

Four of them reached in for a for a group hug.

“Make sure you send Yoo Chun hyung off, and take care of yourself alright Min? We’ll be back in two weeks” Jae Joong’s anger had changed to concern for the youngest of the group.

Chang Min nodded obediently like a son would to his mother “Araso hyung. Don’t forget my souvenirs. Have fun in Bora Bora! ”

The couple smiled as they bid their farewells to the other two before Yun Ho and Jae Joong walked with their hands laced tightly together into the terminal.

I felt Yoo Chun’s gentle fingers laced around mine slowly, kneeling down, and his face as serious as ever as his eyes bore into mine.

“Kim Jun Su, I’m here to apologize for being an idiot, for not realizing that you’re beside me all along, never once thinking about yourself, always staying selflessly beside me no matter what happens. And I would like this chance to take good care of you now; I never want to see you tear or see you in pain anymore. I love you, and I want spend the rest of my life with you like how I did nineteen years ago”

“Will you give me this chance?”

My heart thumped loudly, my knees went weak, and I could feel myself trembling as tears threatened to fall down anytime. I love him too. I love Yoo Chun. And this is what I have always wanted.

My tried moving my mouth that wouldn’t budge, I was overwhelmed with tears of joy. I nodded instead.

I saw his teary eyes as he smiled at me, hugging my lower body tightly with his face buried into my thighs as he cried.

I pulled him gently to stand up, our eyes meeting half way and he hugged me tightly.

We stayed like this for a while; hugging each other, swaying to the soft October breeze blowing gently against us, under the beautiful autumn trees here in Boston.

“I love you too” I told him honestly.

He replied me with a soft kiss on my forehead.

I’ve waited too long for this day to come.

I felt wind gushing softly through my ear. I slapped my ear and pulled the sheets higher. The wind came again, this time more urgent and harder, bringing a chilling sensation to my skin. I groaned loudly to tell the source of the wind that I’m annoyed and I have the tendency to bite.

The source of the wind then chuckled and whispered to my ear instead “Su baby, rise and shine”

I can’t help but smile at that sweet low voice, I’ve been dreaming about that beautiful voice all night.

I tried opening my heavy eyelids to find a naked Yoo Chun clad only in his boxers hovering above me.

“You slept well babe?” he kissed my right ear sensually as I was still sleeping sideways.

I nodded as I stretched my sore body; it’s been six months since we made love. That’s right. I’m still in Boston. After Yoo Chun had come after me that day, I’d wanted to follow him back to Korea but he had insisted that I stayed and finished my course.

We had been alternating between Boston and Korea for the past few years, he would visit me every half a year and I would fly back home during semester breaks. The rest of the time, we would call, e-mail, text and IM each other. It’s been hard, especially that time when I failed my first test and Yoo Chun’s song had been rejected at the last minute because there were rumors of him being gay ( I swear that stupid record company’s still living in the sixties!). We missed each other’s company very much; I could remember times where I couldn’t cope and wanted to give up, but Yoo Chun had always been there for me, giving me support and encouragements.

This is the final year, all these four years we’ve been through, our love has become stronger. I can finally head home after so long.

“Penny for your thoughts?” he gently bumped our foreheads together as he stared into my eyes lovingly.

I circled my arms around his neck, pulling him closer to me “I just can’t wait to be back home. I missed Jae hyung’s cooking so much”

My heart melted as he pouted at me cutely, his hand smoothing my messy hair “Don’t you miss me?”

I couldn’t help but laugh “of course I do. I miss Min, and Yun Ho hyung and Jae Hyung. I miss everyone!”

I reached for his wrist to stop him from brushing my hair and nibbled his fingers playfully instead.

He sighed in content “I landed a job at a record company in the city”

I paused from teasing his fingers “You’ve finally achieved your dreams! Congratulations Chunnie!”

“Not really” He grinned and leaned in to kiss me.

I wanted to give him a playful retort but the time on the clock beside our bed caught my attention.

Seven thirty.

Shit! I’ve totally forgotten about my graduation ceremony. I’m going to be late!

“ahh!” I pushed Yoo Chun’s chest so he would get off me.

He refused to budge as he looked at me in amusement.

“What are you doing Park Yoo Chun? I’m going to be late!” I yelled at him alarmingly.

He chuckled as he pushed himself up from the bed, I followed him suit “I’ll wait for you in the car” he gave me another peck and headed for his clothes strewn all across the floor.

Here I am being late and he’s taking his own time to dress, I stood up from bed and made a dash towards the bathroom.

I didn’t care if I was butt naked or if he was staring.

It took me less than ten minutes to shower, brush my teeth and shave. I practically ran towards the closet, I have not even chose my outfit yet! I can’t believe I spent the whole day fooling around with Yoo Chun yesterday. I’m supposed to be a doctor. Doctors are never late!

Then, I saw my navy blue shirt lined with white stripes paired with a pair of my black slacks lying neatly on our bed. There was even a dark blue tie which had already been properly tied next to my clothes.

I couldn’t wipe the silly smile off my face the whole time I was putting them on.

When I left for the kitchen for a glass of milk just to fill my stomach, again, I saw a plate of toasts and eggs together with my glass of milk that I wanted.

I smiled again.

Yoo Chun’s such a softie.

“Congratulations Dr. Kim Jun Su of the National South-Korean Medical University in completing his five years neurology research course here in Harvard Medical School” I could feel my heart thumping and my legs all weak and shaky as I went upstage to receive my certificate.

I couldn’t be happier. Today’s the day Yoo Chun was suppose to marry five years ago, today’s the day I flew here hoping to run away five years ago, today’s also the day Yoo Chun bought me a car so I could get around easily between the school, town and my shared apartment three years ago.

I bowed with respect as I accepted the scroll. As the hard paper material touched my skin, all kinds of emotions ran through me. The years of research, studies, feelings of being homesick and missing Yoo Chun so much had finally paid off.

I can finally go home and be called a real doctor.

Dr Kim Jun Su.

I like that title.

As I stood for my pictures to be taken, my eyes scanned the hall for signs of Yoo Chun. To my dismay, I couldn’t find him anywhere. But I did catch sight of someone blond sitting inn the third row seats of the hall.

My brother Kim Jae Joong! And right next to him is his husband Jung Yun Ho. I also saw Chang Min smirking at me as he sat beside Yun Ho.

I grinned; Jae Joong told me days ago he couldn’t make it because he was swamped with work.

That liar! But I love him anyway. And his kimchi soup even more!

I tried looking around again for Yoo Chun. It took me a while but I finally found him, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed behind the last row seats. My eyes met his; he smiled gently at me and nodded his head. I saw his eyes sparkle with tears, that silly man, I know he feels proud for me.

My heart calls out for him; I want to thank him for pushing me and not letting me give up for the past five years.

Thank you Yoo Chun.

“A toast and three cheers for Jun Su!” Chang Min cheered as he held up his beer can.

“Hip hip hurray! Hip hip hurray! Hip Hip hurray!” everyone chorused loudly.

I smiled; everyone had flew all the way here just to celebrate my graduation. This day couldn’t be any happier. We’re in our apartment celebrating with my favourite kimchi soup Jae hyung promised to make. At first, I had suggested we dine at a nearby restaurant which serves the best steaks and Yoo Chun’s favourite onion rings. But Yun Ho and the rest wanted more privacy. Not that I mind.

“Ahh hyung! Your cooking’s still the best” Chang Min praised my brother as he continued downing everything edible that Jae Joong had on the table. Yun Ho nodded enthusiatically as he continues fighting with Chang Min for his portion of Jae Joong’s kimchi soup.

My brother smiled, proud from everyone’s praises “although some ingredients are missing and I had to replace some with the closests one, it’s good to hear that it still tastes fine”

“What can I say, you have the magic touch hyung” I joined in. It’s been a long time since all five of us had sat down for a delicious dinner, doing nothing but chatting and joking about each other’s life.

I stole a glance at Yoo Chun as he continued stuffing noodles into his mouth; my heart went all warm and ticklish seeing him chew in that cute manner of his, the one where he chews food in a particular corner in his mouth with his lips slightly parted. I also couldn’t help but notice the grin on his face, the one he’s been plastering ever since I walked down from the stage this morning.

He must have noticed that I was staring, he turned his attention from the food on the table to me, he looked even more cute with his mouth full trying his best to smile at me. Yoo Chun then spared me some of his beef strips with his chopsticks to my bowl.

“You should eat more Su. I thought you missed kimchi soup very much”

I looked at him as he continued chewing, making groaning noises as he praised my brother.

I felt myself going all teary eyed. I’ve gotten so used to living myself I’ve forgetten how much I used to depend on him and miss his over-protectiveness. I can’t wait to head home!

Oh no! I’ve seem to have forgotten Jae Joong is now married to Yun Ho and is staying with him. I’ve forgotten that he sold our apartment in the city. I’ve just finished my course here in Boston, I don’t even have a steady job yet, I couldn’t possibly afford an aparment. I definitely don’t want to bunk in with Chang Min; his mum tends to over treat her guests which freaks me out. And I certainly wouldn’t want to be my brother’s lamp post. I’d rather live in the streets than seeing those two getting all romantic.What am I suppose to do?

Where am I suppose to go?

I stared out at the quiet night scenery here in Mission Hill. The streets are dark except the lightly lit street lamps and the beautiful moonlight in the sky. There are trees all around my apartment, I could hear the night insects as they busied around their own business,  and cars occasionally passing by smoothly.

I hugged myself in order to keep warm as the night October breeze began to blow pass me; I only had on a thin layer of sweater as I shivered.

“Su yah” warm, strong arms wrapped themselves around me. I could feel him nuzzling my neck.

“What are you doing all alone here in the balcony? It’s getting cold” his voice laced with concern as his arm tightened around my waist, his whole front leaning on my back, giving me warmth. He swayed us gently to our own rhythm.

Its moments like these I treasure most.

“I’m worried, you’ve been spacing out since dinner. Is something bothering you?”

Yoo Chun has an ability to read my mind accurately, I’m just worried about my stay in Seoul when I get back later. It’s been years since I’ve been in Korea, I’m scared, just like first came here. I don’t even know how to speak english, it was hard. But Yoo Chun’s there to make things better.

“I’m scared” I told him truthfully. I always tell him how I feel, it has become a habit to me during my stay here, maybe it was because how lonely I am.

“About going back to Korea?”

I nodded as he continued to hug me from behind.

I could feel him breathing on my neck, inhaling my scent “you know about the job that I told you?”

I nodded again and let him continue “it’s not just an odinary job. Yun Ho had just started a record company a few months ago, and he needs someone that he can trust to help him handle the company. So he hired me as a composing director and talent scout”

I’m not surprise that Yun Ho added yet another to his list of companies. He’s one of the most successful businessman in Seoul now and used to be the top five most eligible bachelor. But he belongs to my brother now. His family manages all kinds of business; from logistics, to lodging, to restaurant chains, marketing, an upcoming land management project according to Jae Joong and of course now, the record company he wants Yoo Chun to handle.

“I’ve refused at first, I mean, I only have less than five years of experience on composing. I couldn’t imagine the pressure of handling a record company. You know how laid back I am. But I’ve been thinking about our future lately, I want us to have a comfortable life. So I told Yun Ho, I’m willing to take the pressure”

His hands reached for mine; he laced our hands and brought it together. My smaller hands nestled securely inside his warmer and larger ones. He caressed my fingers tenderly as he rested his chin on my shoulders. “ For you. For the both of us”

I smiled inwardly; I’ve never thought Yoo Chun would do this for me. Usually, he couldn’t even keep his own room organized, let alone a recording company. But I have faith in him. He’s a very talented composer. He even wrote me a song for my birthday!

“I got us an apartment in the city, with three rooms. One working room each and a bedroom for us. And I know how much you love sceneries, so I got us a unit with a beautiful night view of the city”

“Who says I want to share a bed with you?” I teased him.

He chuckled at my cheekiness and played along “We could always get two beds. And a nightstand table in between”

I wanted to retort but suddenly I felt his embrace on me thighten and there it was, I saw something shining in his hand.

“Marry me Kim Jun Su?”

Oh my god! This couldn’t be happening. Five years ago, on the exact same day, I would have never even dream for this to happen.

It’s been five years since we’ve promised each other, we’ve been through so much during this course of time. And because of that, I’m sure I love him more than ever.

I wanted to scream my reply and hide my silly grin so I answered, my voice a little shaky instead “Yes Park Yoo Chun….yes!”

I could feel him smilling as he kissed my ear.

His hands slip on my shoulders so he could turn me to face him. we stared at each other for a while, his hands still resting on my waist; I could see happiness in his eyes, I could see comfort and love. I love Yoo Chun, I always do. No matter what he does, my love to him will never fade.

For after it seemed like eternity, he began to lean in.

“I love you” he murmured as our lips brushed.

I love you too Yoo Chun, I rather show him how I feel instead of telling him; I circled my arms around his neck and deepen our kiss.

Hmm… Park Jun Su.

I like that better than I like Dr. Kim.

“Wooho hyung!” I heard Chang Min’s distant shouting.

I wanted to turn to see what’s going on; all I could see was Chang Min making woo-ing noises and smirking as Yun Ho and Jae Joong  had their hands over his mouth, dragging him back to the house before Yoo Chun cupped my face and pulled me back so my attention would be on his lips again.

“Continue!” I heard Jae Joong screamed from inside the house.I have my family, my friends and most importantly Yoo Chun beside me.I couldn't ask for anything more.

I’m glad things turned out to be this way; it’s worth all the pain and wait.

It definitely is.