Oh, the things we will do...
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what I will be doing next year at this time. With “part one” of my program passing the halfway point, I need to start thinking of where I’m going to get my nursing experience before continuing with the Master’s portion. I love pediatrics, but also continue my fascination with psych. Lately I’ve been drawn back to Emergency medicine and am thinking about the ER. Most new nurses don’t set foot in the ER- it’s an “experience based” position; however, with the extreme shortage, and my EMT background, it’s a definite possibility.
Here’s my problem-my extreme self-doubt and self-consciousness. I am not good at being new at something. I love experiencing new things, I welcome them…but when it comes to performance based activities that I take pride in, I turn into this uncertain, second-guessing, hesitant, thumbsy, indecisive wimp. I constantly question my instincts, get unbelievably nervous with people observing me and “grading/evaluating” me, and most co-workers watch me and think- “this one’s not going to make it”. I know that. But what I also know is that as my comfort level increases, so does my confidence, and so does my performance. I’m not completely self-loathing, I know that in time I would prove myself and be a good ER nurse, but it’s only 8 months of employment before I start back to full-time school and never again function as a bedside nurse. Is it worth it?
My clinical instructor said to me today: “Once you do the ER, you can do anything, and I think you would be fine there”. It made me feel good to hear that, but again…how long will it take me to be “fine”? I don’t want to hate my job!
I want it. I want the challenge, I want the pride of being at the top of my game, but I am so scared. I don’t want to hate something that I have such an extreme love for. If anything, I have gained so much more of an appreciation of the job nurses do and I am so proud to be a part of the profession, and I don’t want to make it look bad. I don’t know what to do…HELP!
Here’s my problem-my extreme self-doubt and self-consciousness. I am not good at being new at something. I love experiencing new things, I welcome them…but when it comes to performance based activities that I take pride in, I turn into this uncertain, second-guessing, hesitant, thumbsy, indecisive wimp. I constantly question my instincts, get unbelievably nervous with people observing me and “grading/evaluating” me, and most co-workers watch me and think- “this one’s not going to make it”. I know that. But what I also know is that as my comfort level increases, so does my confidence, and so does my performance. I’m not completely self-loathing, I know that in time I would prove myself and be a good ER nurse, but it’s only 8 months of employment before I start back to full-time school and never again function as a bedside nurse. Is it worth it?
My clinical instructor said to me today: “Once you do the ER, you can do anything, and I think you would be fine there”. It made me feel good to hear that, but again…how long will it take me to be “fine”? I don’t want to hate my job!
I want it. I want the challenge, I want the pride of being at the top of my game, but I am so scared. I don’t want to hate something that I have such an extreme love for. If anything, I have gained so much more of an appreciation of the job nurses do and I am so proud to be a part of the profession, and I don’t want to make it look bad. I don’t know what to do…HELP!