It's a New Year!
So I don't know why I am always so excited about the New Year. But I am. I get just as bad for birthdays. I mean, Birthdays. Maybe it's because I get bored too easily and so am in awe of changes and new things. Shinyness, of course, always helps, and New Year's is always shiny because of all the leftover Christmas lights.
Anyway, the point is that on the New Year I always try to make either an LJ entry or a real journal entry. I was already online, so the LJ is first, but I plan on breaking out the old journal next. I mean, I have been journalling (is that a word? sure, what the heck) for about 14 years now. I haven't been too good about it lately, due to actually having a life, something I sadly lacked for the first 10 years or so of keeping a journal, but I do resort to pen and paper when things are just THAT intense. You know, the times when you just have to write it all out because telling someone just wouldn't give you the same release,because you can't say the things you want to say to a face that is listening, and when you're also wondering in the very back of you're mind whether or not they are listening, or judging, or possibly just not caring either way.
This year, I am getting somewhere. I have been graduated from college for too long and done too little. I already applied to one real job, but I need one of those so badly that I should really apply for a lot. None of the ones I have found are even remotely what I would like to do, neither do they lead to something I might be interested in, but I suppose they do look better on a resume than waiting tables, which is how I currently pay the rent and some of the bills.
Or maybe, I'll just become a stripper. Yeah! Make men pay to see that T & A.
I have had various chances, some of which still stand, to move back to VA. Of course, that may involve moving back in with the parents and going to bed with the chickens and rising at the crack of dawn and being just as miserable as my sis who opted to live at home while going to college. However, there are alternatives, like living in DC with my soon to be married cousin and her (almost) equally awesome soon to be husband, but there is a flaw in this plan, as well. I've gone and gotten attatched to people here, and I would hate to leave them. I know I have done that before, when I came here 4 and a half years ago, but this is different. And there's that one person in particular that I feel I just can't leave right now, because I will always wonder what would have happened, and yet I don't want to do the same thing I did before and let someone else hold me back from living life to the fullest.
Either way, it appears, I'm screwed. I'll still always wonder what would have happened. But I've always been one of those hopeless romantics, so I am going to go with my heart on this one and hope for the best.
Anyway, the point is that on the New Year I always try to make either an LJ entry or a real journal entry. I was already online, so the LJ is first, but I plan on breaking out the old journal next. I mean, I have been journalling (is that a word? sure, what the heck) for about 14 years now. I haven't been too good about it lately, due to actually having a life, something I sadly lacked for the first 10 years or so of keeping a journal, but I do resort to pen and paper when things are just THAT intense. You know, the times when you just have to write it all out because telling someone just wouldn't give you the same release,because you can't say the things you want to say to a face that is listening, and when you're also wondering in the very back of you're mind whether or not they are listening, or judging, or possibly just not caring either way.
This year, I am getting somewhere. I have been graduated from college for too long and done too little. I already applied to one real job, but I need one of those so badly that I should really apply for a lot. None of the ones I have found are even remotely what I would like to do, neither do they lead to something I might be interested in, but I suppose they do look better on a resume than waiting tables, which is how I currently pay the rent and some of the bills.
Or maybe, I'll just become a stripper. Yeah! Make men pay to see that T & A.
I have had various chances, some of which still stand, to move back to VA. Of course, that may involve moving back in with the parents and going to bed with the chickens and rising at the crack of dawn and being just as miserable as my sis who opted to live at home while going to college. However, there are alternatives, like living in DC with my soon to be married cousin and her (almost) equally awesome soon to be husband, but there is a flaw in this plan, as well. I've gone and gotten attatched to people here, and I would hate to leave them. I know I have done that before, when I came here 4 and a half years ago, but this is different. And there's that one person in particular that I feel I just can't leave right now, because I will always wonder what would have happened, and yet I don't want to do the same thing I did before and let someone else hold me back from living life to the fullest.
Either way, it appears, I'm screwed. I'll still always wonder what would have happened. But I've always been one of those hopeless romantics, so I am going to go with my heart on this one and hope for the best.