(no subject)
I thought I had registered to take the GRE in the last week or so of April. Apparently I registered to take it in the last week or so of March. That's this month. In fact, it's in just 3 weeks. I have 3 weeks to prepare for this test that is so important, that if I fail I'll end up dumpster diving or sleeping on vents on the street or trying to steal ketchup from Mickey Dee's to heat and make tomato soup.
And I haven't had a math class in a year. I think. See how bad at math I am? I can't even count how long it's been since I took a math class. I couldn't even count how many days in advance I should start thinking about this stupid test.
At least it's only algebra and geometry. I was good at those.
I want so many things, all at once, all contradicting each other.
I want to be editor of the Marr's Field Journal, so I can make sure no crap gets into it. But I don't want to deal with people I don't know and might not like.
I want to go to India for the summer, or maybe for the rest of my life. But I want to take the London Internship, too.
I want more scholarships, so I can do study abroad and internships and not worry about having to work all summer.
I want to just be done with school and already doing my dream job. I want to decide what that dream job is.
But college has been the best part of my life so far, and I'm afraid of it ending and throwing me out into the "real world."
I don't know if there is a real world, or if I'm already in it.
I want to graduate with some astronomical gpa, but I hate doing the work.
I want to be in DC. I want Adam there with me.
I want to be independent.
I want someone to take care of me.
I want food, lots and lots of it to make me feel better and think clearer, but I want to lose some weight.
I want pretty clothes, pretty jewelry, pretty decorations, but I want to save money.
I want to be more responsible.
I want to be more of a free spirit.
I want to be alone.
I hate to be alone.
I want to be selfish.
I want to be compassionate.
You see what I mean? Sometimes I wonder if I even know what I want. Or if I want anything at all. And if I do, will I ever get it? If I get it, will I still want it, or something else entirely?
And I haven't had a math class in a year. I think. See how bad at math I am? I can't even count how long it's been since I took a math class. I couldn't even count how many days in advance I should start thinking about this stupid test.
At least it's only algebra and geometry. I was good at those.
I want so many things, all at once, all contradicting each other.
I want to be editor of the Marr's Field Journal, so I can make sure no crap gets into it. But I don't want to deal with people I don't know and might not like.
I want to go to India for the summer, or maybe for the rest of my life. But I want to take the London Internship, too.
I want more scholarships, so I can do study abroad and internships and not worry about having to work all summer.
I want to just be done with school and already doing my dream job. I want to decide what that dream job is.
But college has been the best part of my life so far, and I'm afraid of it ending and throwing me out into the "real world."
I don't know if there is a real world, or if I'm already in it.
I want to graduate with some astronomical gpa, but I hate doing the work.
I want to be in DC. I want Adam there with me.
I want to be independent.
I want someone to take care of me.
I want food, lots and lots of it to make me feel better and think clearer, but I want to lose some weight.
I want pretty clothes, pretty jewelry, pretty decorations, but I want to save money.
I want to be more responsible.
I want to be more of a free spirit.
I want to be alone.
I hate to be alone.
I want to be selfish.
I want to be compassionate.
You see what I mean? Sometimes I wonder if I even know what I want. Or if I want anything at all. And if I do, will I ever get it? If I get it, will I still want it, or something else entirely?