How?

[emily_breathes]

what do you do when the only thing you've ever truly wanted is JUST out of arms reach? so close you can smell it, see it, hear it; but it is unobtainable. how do you handle that?

if you know something that brings you beauty to the world, would you just let it go? i hurt so much, because i'm still waiting. what if I let go though? what would happen then? would the one person i want come back to me, and i have an empty heart towards him? i wish i could go back to the moment when i first knew i loved him and pause. maybe i wouldn't change a thing about that moment, but maybe i would. i don't regret what we had, but it's so hard to let go. maybe letting go won't hurt as bad as holding on, if only it were that simple.

i told him i would wait, and i meant it.
i meant everything i said to him.

but is it worth it? is this process that's killing me inside worth it?

please, all i ask of you is to help me see clearly. i don't understand why it's so hard to be with somebody that makes you happy.

meanwhile i'm just a bit confused, frustrated and lonely.

nightmares have returned to my sleep... insomnia is creeping into me. i'm scared.

i... i'm fearing my sanity.