(no subject)
So, I have this friend. For annonimity's sake, I'll call her A. Well, A is a great person. Smart, pretty, motivated, ambitious, stylish, talented, and creative. Good stuff.
But I guess A was crushing on a cute guy at her university. And the guy went from ignoring her to all out avoiding her. Understandably, A was frustrated and dissapointed. She put up a facebook status update to vent about some current stressors in her life, and mentioned the A situation. All completely normal and reasonable.
My problems come from the replies she received to the comment. Of course plenty of cliché, "you're too good for him! You'll find someone better someday!"s. Whatever.
But then there were comments stating that guys who ignore girls' advances are immature. What, do guys not have the right anymore to decide who they do/do not want to get with? Maybe he has a girlfriend. Maybe he's just not that into A. He obviously didn't want to cause drama with a classmate, so he's choosing to ignore and hope A takes the hint. As a woman, I follow this approach all the time. I'm more direct if the guy persists beyond my more subtle clues. Maybe ignoring and avoidance are not the most mature way to handle a situation such as this one, but this is how many people were raised to act and believe is the most polite option. I don't think it automatically makes this guy in question a complete douche.
Also posted were some comments about how "guys are afraid of strong women." ok, some guys might be, some are not. Some guys may be sexually attracted to strong woman, some may find it unattractive. To each is own, I think. My friend A is a strong woman, though I'm not sure how this guy could have figured this out about her in a class.
And, personally, I'm really beginning to hate the term 'strong woman'. What makes up a 'strong woman?' And does that mean that everyone who doesn't fit themselves in that definition is a 'weak woman'? What does it take to be a strong woman in today's society? Most women are pretty independent (well, at least I'd say the average American woman is about as independent as the average American man). We hold down jobs, we pay our bills, we take care of ourselves. There aren't too many women waiting around for a man to take care of her. And there are plenty of men who expect the woman to do everything. So I'm not sure what makes a woman a strong woman. Are most modern women strong women (and if that's ok, how can it be a special compliment?)? Or is a strong woman something different? The term just pisses me off. People should be able to be strong and weak, something that it seems the label 'strong woman' does not accomodate. Men should be allowed to be strong or weak too. That's the way people are. But it feels like in today's society, especially amongst 'progressive' people, a choice needs to be made. Either a woman is a 'strong' woman, or she is a regular (weak) woman. And if she is a 'strong' woman, she should be entitled to any guy she wants to be with. If, God forbid, he doesn't want to be with her, he is obviously "not man enough to be with a strong woman." It all just feels very sexist to me. These statements imply that a woman's stength is partially a tool for attracting a man, and they take away the rights of men to choose who he wants/does not want to be romantically involved with without being dubbed a pussy.
Ok, rant over now. I just keep hearing this kind of language and it's so frustrating to me, especially when coming out of the mouths of so-called liberals and progressives. And maybe it's not fair of me to use A's example, since the commenters really were just trying to be encouraging and ego-boosting, but it just annoyed me enough that I had to vent. Maybe I'm way off base in these interpretations of the words being said. If anybody else has opinions on the subject I'd love to hear them!
But I guess A was crushing on a cute guy at her university. And the guy went from ignoring her to all out avoiding her. Understandably, A was frustrated and dissapointed. She put up a facebook status update to vent about some current stressors in her life, and mentioned the A situation. All completely normal and reasonable.
My problems come from the replies she received to the comment. Of course plenty of cliché, "you're too good for him! You'll find someone better someday!"s. Whatever.
But then there were comments stating that guys who ignore girls' advances are immature. What, do guys not have the right anymore to decide who they do/do not want to get with? Maybe he has a girlfriend. Maybe he's just not that into A. He obviously didn't want to cause drama with a classmate, so he's choosing to ignore and hope A takes the hint. As a woman, I follow this approach all the time. I'm more direct if the guy persists beyond my more subtle clues. Maybe ignoring and avoidance are not the most mature way to handle a situation such as this one, but this is how many people were raised to act and believe is the most polite option. I don't think it automatically makes this guy in question a complete douche.
Also posted were some comments about how "guys are afraid of strong women." ok, some guys might be, some are not. Some guys may be sexually attracted to strong woman, some may find it unattractive. To each is own, I think. My friend A is a strong woman, though I'm not sure how this guy could have figured this out about her in a class.
And, personally, I'm really beginning to hate the term 'strong woman'. What makes up a 'strong woman?' And does that mean that everyone who doesn't fit themselves in that definition is a 'weak woman'? What does it take to be a strong woman in today's society? Most women are pretty independent (well, at least I'd say the average American woman is about as independent as the average American man). We hold down jobs, we pay our bills, we take care of ourselves. There aren't too many women waiting around for a man to take care of her. And there are plenty of men who expect the woman to do everything. So I'm not sure what makes a woman a strong woman. Are most modern women strong women (and if that's ok, how can it be a special compliment?)? Or is a strong woman something different? The term just pisses me off. People should be able to be strong and weak, something that it seems the label 'strong woman' does not accomodate. Men should be allowed to be strong or weak too. That's the way people are. But it feels like in today's society, especially amongst 'progressive' people, a choice needs to be made. Either a woman is a 'strong' woman, or she is a regular (weak) woman. And if she is a 'strong' woman, she should be entitled to any guy she wants to be with. If, God forbid, he doesn't want to be with her, he is obviously "not man enough to be with a strong woman." It all just feels very sexist to me. These statements imply that a woman's stength is partially a tool for attracting a man, and they take away the rights of men to choose who he wants/does not want to be romantically involved with without being dubbed a pussy.
Ok, rant over now. I just keep hearing this kind of language and it's so frustrating to me, especially when coming out of the mouths of so-called liberals and progressives. And maybe it's not fair of me to use A's example, since the commenters really were just trying to be encouraging and ego-boosting, but it just annoyed me enough that I had to vent. Maybe I'm way off base in these interpretations of the words being said. If anybody else has opinions on the subject I'd love to hear them!