(no subject)
i havent posted in ages. life is stressful. good alot of the time, but with stressful mixed in. bad thing is that the stressful sometimes comes as a result of the good times. planning spring break or a birthday dinner shouldnt be stressful, but they have proven to be just that. everyone is stressed b/c its senior yr. but they're taking it out in the wrong ways. people are being selfish or getting mad or upset by the stupidest things. i feel like our groups of friends is falling apart and i have to be the one to hold everyone together. people rely on me to be the messenger and i'm always in the middle of everything. i feel like if i backed away from it all, everything would fall apart. nothing would get planned and people would all be mad at each other. i feel like no one has their priorities straight. all we should want to do is spend time with each other and have fun because we have so little time left to do so. it shouldnt matter where we hang out, what we do, as long as we're together we have fun. same goes for spring break. i think i try too hard to please everyone. but if i didnt, everyone would get mad at each other or never hang out together. i'm just thinking now that its probably good i dont drive or i'd end up offering to drive everywhere all the time just to keep everyone happy.
work is starting to pile up. and i never have any interest in doing it. i love my classes and they all (except maybe 1) are topics i am very very interested in. but i never want to do any work for them b/c i just want to hang out with people all the time. plus i have no idea where i'm doing service next year. and i know i have to start figuring that out. everytime i think about the future, sometimes even the future meaning next week, i freak out. my whole body gets tense and stuff. sometimes i think i'm having anxiety attacks. sometimes its not even for any particular reason. i think the notion of having no idea where i'll be next year is quite scary. its scary when you have no idea whatsoever. and after next year is even more of a mystery. it helps when you have something to picture. i think thats what freaks me out. i cant picture myself anywhere b/c theres so many places i could end up. i dont want college to end. i feel like this is the best part of my life and after this everything goes downhill. i feel like theres never going to be anything to look forward to and i'm never going to be able to have fun b/c my friends wont be right next door. i feel like i'm going to have to start all over from scratch. make new friends, find new things to get involved with. theres no community in the real world. theres not just friends living next door. i dont know what to do.
time to go grocery shopping. bye
work is starting to pile up. and i never have any interest in doing it. i love my classes and they all (except maybe 1) are topics i am very very interested in. but i never want to do any work for them b/c i just want to hang out with people all the time. plus i have no idea where i'm doing service next year. and i know i have to start figuring that out. everytime i think about the future, sometimes even the future meaning next week, i freak out. my whole body gets tense and stuff. sometimes i think i'm having anxiety attacks. sometimes its not even for any particular reason. i think the notion of having no idea where i'll be next year is quite scary. its scary when you have no idea whatsoever. and after next year is even more of a mystery. it helps when you have something to picture. i think thats what freaks me out. i cant picture myself anywhere b/c theres so many places i could end up. i dont want college to end. i feel like this is the best part of my life and after this everything goes downhill. i feel like theres never going to be anything to look forward to and i'm never going to be able to have fun b/c my friends wont be right next door. i feel like i'm going to have to start all over from scratch. make new friends, find new things to get involved with. theres no community in the real world. theres not just friends living next door. i dont know what to do.
time to go grocery shopping. bye