There goes the sun...

[emily1224]

It's raining and cloudy and dreary...BLAH! This hasn't been such a great day, and it's only 11:45. Beth is having her first chemo today, and I'm so worried. She said it was nothing for us to worry about, but I just worry...story of my life. She sent us an email this morning saying that she would miss studio class and that Angela was going to the hospital with her. Why couldn't I go?? I went to the practice room after reading the email and just had a meltdown. I sat there and cried for about 30 minutes. I can't handle this anymore. I feel so selfish for crying because I know that Beth is going through so much more than me, but this has been a very emotionally draining semester. I was crying for her this morning, and crying about the fact that I wasn't there to comfort her at the hospital. Why is it always Angela? I just want to be there for Beth and be able to tell her that I care about her, but I never seem to get the chance. I just like helping people that I love and giving all that I can. Maybe I give too much and I'm too emotional about things, and I'm not saving any energy for myself...but I just want to keep giving. I just get so attached to people, and I can't let go. I need someone to talk to, but it seems like there is no one here to turn to. And I just want to give Beth a huge hug and tell her everything that I've said here. I think I need a hug.
Well, enough wallowing in misery...I'm going to class, and I'm going to attempt to have a good day. On another note, I can't play my violin. I think I'll probably practice after class.

Love to all my friends...
I miss you guys!
Em