whats up everybody?
so i've got a decision to make by the end of the summer and i need some major help. i told craig i wanted to take a break this summer just so i could have a little fun, flirt a little harder and not feel guilty. so now im seeing this guy artie. hes really cool, i told him i had a boyfriend but we're on a summer break and im just looking for a summer fling, and i wasnt asking him if he wanted to have a fling with me but he said he'd do it anyway. its only been about two weeks but he knows me pretty well. after the first couple of days he already knew about my depression and my meds and even my overdose that got me in the hospital almost 2 years ago, craig doesnt even know about that! artie shows at least some interest in me, he asks questions and hes not afriad to say or ask anything. craig on the other hand, totally is. artie saw me taking my happy pills one day and asked me what they were for right off the bat, then he asked me why i had depression, if i still think i have it and how bad did it ever get. it took craig maybe 3 or 4 months to ask me what those pills i was taking every day were and i told him what they were and he didnt ask anything else...ever. craig is hard to talk to but he is such a nice guy and he treats me pretty well. he's fun to be around most of the time, but because hes so quiet it can get a little boring but we never fight because he doesnt disagree...he could be afraid to disagree i dont know..anyway, its been smooth and nice but i still dont know what makes him tick, i can hardly talk about his birth mother or anything about his adoption he doesnt let me in on what hes thinking about that, i've maybe had one or 2 actual deep conversations with him in the 8 months we've dated. but artie is different. he is hilarious, and stubborn, doesnt take shit from anyone, if he gets mad he'll jokingly tease me about it so i dont think hes mad i just think he is joking but i know he is a little mad....and i do the same fucking thing, i yell at people with a smile on b/c i dont wanna come off as up tight...hehe!! we argue a lot b/c i have a hard time showing any guy how much i like them so i tease and make fun... a lot (mark, you know that) artie doesnt take that tho, he gets pissy and we fight and it gets really annoying...he pisses me off more than most people can..oh, and he smokes and that takes a lot of points off him if im gonna compare him to craig, which i shouldnt but im doing that anyway... craig is gonna be right there at school when i go back and we have all the same friends...im having a lot of fun but i think i have a lot of the power in that relationship and thats nice but it can also get boring and difficult b/c i always have to make decisions about what we're gonna do and where we're gonna eat.
i think artie is used to have most of the control of his relationships too and so we're having a power struggle right now..if i say i wanna go out and party and he doesnt, i cant just run away and have him chase after me, he wont and vice versa...i cant get all cute and make a puppy face and expect him to give in...he wont give in, and i fucking hate it! he wants just as much as attention as i do...i dont want to give attention, i want to recieve it..i know it, i dont give, i take take take, and i dont really wanna change that, if i just give give give to him all the time then he wins and i dont want that, i might give in tho, he is a lot more stubborn than i am i think...i might show him up tho..i am stubborn and im gonna show him i can be more stubborn . im pretty much happy with him i think, until he gets mad and storms out and then i cry and so i dont think hes really good for me at all, but at the same time hes forcing me to open up, im a fucking closed book when it comes to craig, he doesnt ask questions so i dont think hes interested and so i dont tell him anything b/c i dont think he cares, its probably not true but he makes it so hard to tell him anything serious, his reaction is usually jsut an 'oh...' he's so innocent i dont think he can teach me anything about life, i dont think im growing as a person in that relationship but im not unhappy with it so much either. b/c things go so slow w/ me and craig i think we could probably last until we get out of university, so its nice to think of having someone for the rest of my stay at bishops...im pretty sure artie and me will get on eachothers nerves and break up sooner or later but we might not, we might figure out how not to piss the other off and make it last too. he loves it when he storms out of my room all pissy and i chase after him and apologize..i dont storm out...hes always in my room so i cant storm out, but im pretty sure that if i did, he would be too stubborn to chanse after me...im starting to feel like a fucking pathetic guy, iliked to be chased after..i want that attention damnit
alright, so its a toss up...i could just break up with both and be single but i like them both too much. i guess time will tell, and a 'follow your heart' type of answer wont help, its pretty much equal with both. my heart i think might be with artie but my head is saying he'll heart my heart and craig is the better choice. in the long run i think craig would win but artie is just this challenge that i want to figure out...i've been waiting for a challenge, its makeing my life a little less dull
long post..i could say im sorry, but fuck you i havnt posted in months!
i think artie is used to have most of the control of his relationships too and so we're having a power struggle right now..if i say i wanna go out and party and he doesnt, i cant just run away and have him chase after me, he wont and vice versa...i cant get all cute and make a puppy face and expect him to give in...he wont give in, and i fucking hate it! he wants just as much as attention as i do...i dont want to give attention, i want to recieve it..i know it, i dont give, i take take take, and i dont really wanna change that, if i just give give give to him all the time then he wins and i dont want that, i might give in tho, he is a lot more stubborn than i am i think...i might show him up tho..i am stubborn and im gonna show him i can be more stubborn . im pretty much happy with him i think, until he gets mad and storms out and then i cry and so i dont think hes really good for me at all, but at the same time hes forcing me to open up, im a fucking closed book when it comes to craig, he doesnt ask questions so i dont think hes interested and so i dont tell him anything b/c i dont think he cares, its probably not true but he makes it so hard to tell him anything serious, his reaction is usually jsut an 'oh...' he's so innocent i dont think he can teach me anything about life, i dont think im growing as a person in that relationship but im not unhappy with it so much either. b/c things go so slow w/ me and craig i think we could probably last until we get out of university, so its nice to think of having someone for the rest of my stay at bishops...im pretty sure artie and me will get on eachothers nerves and break up sooner or later but we might not, we might figure out how not to piss the other off and make it last too. he loves it when he storms out of my room all pissy and i chase after him and apologize..i dont storm out...hes always in my room so i cant storm out, but im pretty sure that if i did, he would be too stubborn to chanse after me...im starting to feel like a fucking pathetic guy, iliked to be chased after..i want that attention damnit
alright, so its a toss up...i could just break up with both and be single but i like them both too much. i guess time will tell, and a 'follow your heart' type of answer wont help, its pretty much equal with both. my heart i think might be with artie but my head is saying he'll heart my heart and craig is the better choice. in the long run i think craig would win but artie is just this challenge that i want to figure out...i've been waiting for a challenge, its makeing my life a little less dull
long post..i could say im sorry, but fuck you i havnt posted in months!