RECOVERY!!!!!! IloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyou!!!!!!! Oh, this is everything I've been wanting. The difficult recovery, but the definite truth that life goes on, and while it's forever different, it can still be wonderful and good. That yes, something utterly horrible happened to Kurt and he- and Blaine- will always carry the scars of that, but that doesn't mean that those scars will define their lives forever. I have so much love for this ending.
I really, really like what you did with Karofsky. I love that he was never caught, because so often, that's the truth of it. And I love that both Blaine and Kurt hit the point where they accepted that. (I wonder if Burt did?) But that Karofsky also self-destructed, not in some glorious, ridiculous way, but quietly and over time. It reminds me a bit of the original ending of Cinderella, where the stepsisters have their eyes pecked out and have to live blind.
And speaking of fairy tales, this paragraph:
In a strange way, it makes Blaine angry with the fairy tales and children’s books his mother used to read to him when he was small. The ones where the good guys always saved the day, and the bad guys got punished, and everything ended in happily ever after no matter how horrible everything had been before. Those books had never prepared him for anything like this; for how unfair it could all be.
Summed up exactly what I love about recovery stories in general and this story specifically. Because so often we do expect life to be like a fairy tale, and it's not. And this story, despite the fairy tale premise, is not a fairy tale. It just... yes. Yes, yes, and more yes. I'd like to be more profound, but it ain't happening :)
I loved the continued theme about Kurt really wanting that contact, too, and how everyone is shying away from it and letting Kurt take the initiative. Because both reactions seem so true to life for me, and I definitely think if I was Carole I'd be acting like that myself. You really caught that I'm-not-sure-how-you-want-me-to-act, if-I-do-this-will-you break feeling that people have when someone they love goes through a deep trauma. And I really liked watching Blaine learn that while a little mistake might cause ripples, it wasn't going to destroy Kurt, and that both Kurt and their relationship would survive.
(Also, side note, I might have grinned hugely when Finn and Kurt hugged. It wasn't the focus of this fic, but my platonic OTP of Glee is Finn-Kurt brothers, so huge squee :) )
I said last chapter how glad I am that you gave them time apart, but at the same time, I'm glad you brought them back together before too long. I'm a casual Kurt/Blaine shipper as far as the show goes (mainly just because Blaine's character hasn't been overly developed yet), but a good fic can turn me into a raving one, and in this fic I really, really thought they were excellent for each other. We've talked about how much I respect Blaine for being willing to give Kurt that space, but watching it play out was even better. And seeing those tentative steps... lovely. And while there was space, I felt like the timing was good as well. Because if Kurt had kept Blaine away too long, it might have eventually been too hard to put things back together.
As much as I loved Kurt's recovery, I loved that you addressed Blaine's recovery (and to a lesser extent, Burt's, although that was harder because POV) as well. Because yeah, what Blaine saw and heard and had to deal with was a lot, and he really seemed like an overwhelmed kid now that all the action was gone.
And what Blaine told Kurt- that he just wanted his best friend back- I totally teared up at that point. One thing I liked is that you really rationed out Blaine saying exactly the right thing, because you only do say exactly the right thing on lucky occasions, but you saved that for when it mattered the most. Because that feeling- that the friendship mattered most and that Blaine just wanted his best friend back- is exactly what makes me love them as a pair in this and think that, in this timeline, they will stay together forever. (In the actual Glee universe, I prefer that they either eventually break up and always have a special sort of friendship, or that they break up and eventually (after Kurt has actually had the chance to date a few other people) get back together, this time for good. Anyway.) But yeah- I'm a big believer that partnership is built on a strong basis of friendship, so seeing that from Blaine in this universe- not that he was just saying it because he thought it was what Kurt wanted and needed, but because he really felt it- just made me adore them together.
Another little detail I really liked, btw, was Mercedes being the barista, and Kurt's burgeoning friendship with her. That was a neat touch, especially since we know their friendship from canon, and it's another measure of how much Kurt's life is changing and how much Kurt is recovering that doesn't relate to Blaine. That he's able to open himself up to new friendships and take emotional risks like that, even if they aren't as big.
Anyway, I absolutely, completely adored this fic, and you did an amazing job on it! So. Much. Love, and than you so much for writing it! My only disappointment is it had to come to an end (although it definitely needed one and I adored the ending ;) But you know what I mean). Looking forward to reading more of what you write!
I'm so happy that this fic was able to convince you of the viability of my Kurt and Blaine. <3 It's so funny that you mention Blaine's character development, because I will say that as an author Blaine is one of my very favourite characters to write simply because I get the opportunity to flesh him out in the ways I want. I get to add depth, and tweak things, and explain things, and it's all a jolly good time. :) I'm so glad you thought they were excellent for one another here. Even though both of them can be complete fuck-ups at times, they -- especially Blaine -- managed to handle the distance thing very, very well in the end. Again, I totally agree with you timing-wise. Space was necessary, but too much of it would have ruined any possibility of rekindling their friendship.
I really do wish I could have had more of a chance to deal with Burt in this, but the POV just wasn't going to let it happen. Because we only saw him through the eyes of Kurt (who was mostly dealing with his own shit above all else, and who Burt was really trying not to pile stuff on top of) or Blaine (who doesn't know him very well), so it just wasn't going to happen as much. :( But I'm glad it was there, at least a little bit. And oh, Blaine. He really had been through a lot, and he was really just waiting for a chance to completely fall apart. He was only holding in there for Kurt, Kurt leaves, and boom. Floodgates. (Especially when his mum comes in, because really, if you're maybe about to cry and your mum comes in feeling sorry for you, YOU ARE GOING TO CRY FOR SURE.)
Oh, I'm so happy that their phone conversation worked for you. Honestly, I think that was the most emotional I got writing this chapter, and the "I miss my best friend" revelation is perhaps my favourite part of Chapter Five at all. Most of the time in this story? Blaine says completely the wrong thing all the time -- as most of us do, most of the time, in a situation where we have no idea what's going on. He mentions his friendship with Kurt to Dave, talks about court cases when he shouldn't, and the police, and mentioning that Kurt hates Dave during the confrontation in the woods. Blaine makes a lot of mistakes in this, but he's always coming in with the best possible intentions. Writing their phone conversation was so organic, because I hadn't actually planned out what they were going to say. I ended up just getting into character for each of them, going back and forth, because it was one of those 'almost-ideas' where I knew they were on different pages but I wasn't exactly sure specifically what they were misunderstanding. And oh, there it was. That's what Kurt was assuming, and that's where he was wrong, because all along in this fic Kurt's been Blaine's best friend before anything else and that's what's killing Blaine about all this. Honestly, such an emotional scene to write. I love their relationship in this too for that very reason, actually: there's a strong, strong connection of friendship before anything else. There just has to be. I'm so, so glad that worked for you. <3
And aha, barista!Mercedes! :D I wanted an aspect of Kurt branching out his relationships that didn't relate to Blaine at all, and Mercedes seemed a great chance to do that. (After I decided that it was like, where do they meet...? Wait, Emiliana, she can just work at the coffee shop, derp derp derp.) I didn't want all of Kurt's recovery to be Blaine-centric: and besides, I think that Mercedes and Kurt would gravitate towards one another however they met. <3
Thank you so, so very much for this amazing response. <3 I really wanted for you in particular to enjoy this Chapter, so I'm COMPLETELY over the moon that you did. Thank you so much; I'm sad that this had to come to an end, too, honestly, because writing "Body" has been the most amazing fandom experience I've ever had, and I don't know if I'll ever be able to replicate it. So thank you so much for being a part of this amazing experience. <3 There should be something fun and short by my standards coming fairly soon! :D I'm excited for a brief break from angst, and I hope to see you there, bb!! Looooove!!!
Oh, my goodness, bb, I've been so excited for you to read this chapter!!! I'm SO happy that you thought I did it at least a little bit of justice, so THANK YOU so much! (It was frustrating to write, a bit, because if I wanted I could write tens of thousands of words just about this, but it just wasn't going to fit into the narrative of this particular story. I kept second-guessing myself, though. Like, "oh, fuck, this isn't NEARLY enough recovery. ;_;" I wanted to touch on the recovery at least a little bit, and having it take place over a period of time worked well, I think!) I'm so glad you enjoyed this ending: because there are good things, even after something so awful, and even if you never really quite go back to the way you were before. Thank you. <3
Thank you so much about Karofsky! I knew from the beginning that he was going to get away and not ever be caught, so it was very interesting watching people really badly want him to get his comeuppance. Which I totally understand, I do, but... far too often, people who do bad things get away in the end. But of course, for Karofsky, it isn't all-scot free. He's going to have to live for the rest of his life knowing what he did, and being afraid of getting caught, and looking over his shoulder. In some ways, I think, it's a worse punishment than being caught: like you said, his self-destruction is drawn-out and long and never-really-ending. He just fades into nothing in a horrible way; and after a while, Kurt and Blaine just have to accept that they might never find out what happened. It'll be harder for Burt, I think, because he wasn't as directly involved. I don't know if he'll ever be okay with not punishing Dave.
I really wanted this story to have an at least-sort-of realistic ending despite its fairy-tale-influenced premise. To show some of the real world implications to a magical problem like that, and to really talk about the fact that, no, life isn't simple like that. Sometimes the bad guys get away and the good guys really never get better again, and that's just how it goes. I'm so, so pleased that you enjoyed that paragraph, because I've been dying to type it since chapter one. :D
We've talked about different reactions to have to sexual assault before, and I'm glad that you liked the continuation of Kurt's desire for platonic physical contact. I think that, to an extent, it's just a natural reaction for loved ones to edge on the side of caution with something like this: "I don't want you to get freaked out, so I'll just not", and I'm just so happy that Kurt finally took the initiative to tell the people in his life that he wants that physical closeness from them. Because otherwise, they just aren't going to know.
You really caught that I'm-not-sure-how-you-want-me-to-act, if-I-do-this-will-you break feeling that people have when someone they love goes through a deep trauma. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Oh, my goodness, you have no idea how happy this comment is making me all over the place. SO many things I was hoping to convey that you're picking up on! There is always that discovery, when someone you love has gone through trauma, I find. "Can we talk about this? How about this? Can I touch you like this? Is this okay?" is completely normal, because most people have no fucking idea what to do and it's a trial-and-error situation. But they can both come through it, in the end. Some things might shake Kurt up, but if they keep communicating they're going to get through it in the end.
(OMG BROTHERS!FINN/KURT IS MY OTP TOO! As evidenced by the entirety of "For Which I Have to Howl", I think, which is basically a love letter to brotherly Finn/Kurt, haha!)
I really, really like what you did with Karofsky. I love that he was never caught, because so often, that's the truth of it. And I love that both Blaine and Kurt hit the point where they accepted that. (I wonder if Burt did?) But that Karofsky also self-destructed, not in some glorious, ridiculous way, but quietly and over time. It reminds me a bit of the original ending of Cinderella, where the stepsisters have their eyes pecked out and have to live blind.
And speaking of fairy tales, this paragraph:
In a strange way, it makes Blaine angry with the fairy tales and children’s books his mother used to read to him when he was small. The ones where the good guys always saved the day, and the bad guys got punished, and everything ended in happily ever after no matter how horrible everything had been before. Those books had never prepared him for anything like this; for how unfair it could all be.
Summed up exactly what I love about recovery stories in general and this story specifically. Because so often we do expect life to be like a fairy tale, and it's not. And this story, despite the fairy tale premise, is not a fairy tale. It just... yes. Yes, yes, and more yes. I'd like to be more profound, but it ain't happening :)
I loved the continued theme about Kurt really wanting that contact, too, and how everyone is shying away from it and letting Kurt take the initiative. Because both reactions seem so true to life for me, and I definitely think if I was Carole I'd be acting like that myself. You really caught that I'm-not-sure-how-you-want-me-to-act, if-I-do-this-will-you break feeling that people have when someone they love goes through a deep trauma. And I really liked watching Blaine learn that while a little mistake might cause ripples, it wasn't going to destroy Kurt, and that both Kurt and their relationship would survive.
(Also, side note, I might have grinned hugely when Finn and Kurt hugged. It wasn't the focus of this fic, but my platonic OTP of Glee is Finn-Kurt brothers, so huge squee :) )
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As much as I loved Kurt's recovery, I loved that you addressed Blaine's recovery (and to a lesser extent, Burt's, although that was harder because POV) as well. Because yeah, what Blaine saw and heard and had to deal with was a lot, and he really seemed like an overwhelmed kid now that all the action was gone.
And what Blaine told Kurt- that he just wanted his best friend back- I totally teared up at that point. One thing I liked is that you really rationed out Blaine saying exactly the right thing, because you only do say exactly the right thing on lucky occasions, but you saved that for when it mattered the most. Because that feeling- that the friendship mattered most and that Blaine just wanted his best friend back- is exactly what makes me love them as a pair in this and think that, in this timeline, they will stay together forever. (In the actual Glee universe, I prefer that they either eventually break up and always have a special sort of friendship, or that they break up and eventually (after Kurt has actually had the chance to date a few other people) get back together, this time for good. Anyway.) But yeah- I'm a big believer that partnership is built on a strong basis of friendship, so seeing that from Blaine in this universe- not that he was just saying it because he thought it was what Kurt wanted and needed, but because he really felt it- just made me adore them together.
Another little detail I really liked, btw, was Mercedes being the barista, and Kurt's burgeoning friendship with her. That was a neat touch, especially since we know their friendship from canon, and it's another measure of how much Kurt's life is changing and how much Kurt is recovering that doesn't relate to Blaine. That he's able to open himself up to new friendships and take emotional risks like that, even if they aren't as big.
Anyway, I absolutely, completely adored this fic, and you did an amazing job on it! So. Much. Love, and than you so much for writing it! My only disappointment is it had to come to an end (although it definitely needed one and I adored the ending ;) But you know what I mean). Looking forward to reading more of what you write!
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I really do wish I could have had more of a chance to deal with Burt in this, but the POV just wasn't going to let it happen. Because we only saw him through the eyes of Kurt (who was mostly dealing with his own shit above all else, and who Burt was really trying not to pile stuff on top of) or Blaine (who doesn't know him very well), so it just wasn't going to happen as much. :( But I'm glad it was there, at least a little bit. And oh, Blaine. He really had been through a lot, and he was really just waiting for a chance to completely fall apart. He was only holding in there for Kurt, Kurt leaves, and boom. Floodgates. (Especially when his mum comes in, because really, if you're maybe about to cry and your mum comes in feeling sorry for you, YOU ARE GOING TO CRY FOR SURE.)
Oh, I'm so happy that their phone conversation worked for you. Honestly, I think that was the most emotional I got writing this chapter, and the "I miss my best friend" revelation is perhaps my favourite part of Chapter Five at all. Most of the time in this story? Blaine says completely the wrong thing all the time -- as most of us do, most of the time, in a situation where we have no idea what's going on. He mentions his friendship with Kurt to Dave, talks about court cases when he shouldn't, and the police, and mentioning that Kurt hates Dave during the confrontation in the woods. Blaine makes a lot of mistakes in this, but he's always coming in with the best possible intentions. Writing their phone conversation was so organic, because I hadn't actually planned out what they were going to say. I ended up just getting into character for each of them, going back and forth, because it was one of those 'almost-ideas' where I knew they were on different pages but I wasn't exactly sure specifically what they were misunderstanding. And oh, there it was. That's what Kurt was assuming, and that's where he was wrong, because all along in this fic Kurt's been Blaine's best friend before anything else and that's what's killing Blaine about all this. Honestly, such an emotional scene to write. I love their relationship in this too for that very reason, actually: there's a strong, strong connection of friendship before anything else. There just has to be. I'm so, so glad that worked for you. <3
And aha, barista!Mercedes! :D I wanted an aspect of Kurt branching out his relationships that didn't relate to Blaine at all, and Mercedes seemed a great chance to do that. (After I decided that it was like, where do they meet...? Wait, Emiliana, she can just work at the coffee shop, derp derp derp.) I didn't want all of Kurt's recovery to be Blaine-centric: and besides, I think that Mercedes and Kurt would gravitate towards one another however they met. <3
Thank you so, so very much for this amazing response. <3 I really wanted for you in particular to enjoy this Chapter, so I'm COMPLETELY over the moon that you did. Thank you so much; I'm sad that this had to come to an end, too, honestly, because writing "Body" has been the most amazing fandom experience I've ever had, and I don't know if I'll ever be able to replicate it. So thank you so much for being a part of this amazing experience. <3 There should be something fun and short by my standards coming fairly soon! :D I'm excited for a brief break from angst, and I hope to see you there, bb!! Looooove!!!
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Thank you so much about Karofsky! I knew from the beginning that he was going to get away and not ever be caught, so it was very interesting watching people really badly want him to get his comeuppance. Which I totally understand, I do, but... far too often, people who do bad things get away in the end. But of course, for Karofsky, it isn't all-scot free. He's going to have to live for the rest of his life knowing what he did, and being afraid of getting caught, and looking over his shoulder. In some ways, I think, it's a worse punishment than being caught: like you said, his self-destruction is drawn-out and long and never-really-ending. He just fades into nothing in a horrible way; and after a while, Kurt and Blaine just have to accept that they might never find out what happened. It'll be harder for Burt, I think, because he wasn't as directly involved. I don't know if he'll ever be okay with not punishing Dave.
I really wanted this story to have an at least-sort-of realistic ending despite its fairy-tale-influenced premise. To show some of the real world implications to a magical problem like that, and to really talk about the fact that, no, life isn't simple like that. Sometimes the bad guys get away and the good guys really never get better again, and that's just how it goes. I'm so, so pleased that you enjoyed that paragraph, because I've been dying to type it since chapter one. :D
We've talked about different reactions to have to sexual assault before, and I'm glad that you liked the continuation of Kurt's desire for platonic physical contact. I think that, to an extent, it's just a natural reaction for loved ones to edge on the side of caution with something like this: "I don't want you to get freaked out, so I'll just not", and I'm just so happy that Kurt finally took the initiative to tell the people in his life that he wants that physical closeness from them. Because otherwise, they just aren't going to know.
You really caught that I'm-not-sure-how-you-want-me-to-act, if-I-do-this-will-you break feeling that people have when someone they love goes through a deep trauma. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Oh, my goodness, you have no idea how happy this comment is making me all over the place. SO many things I was hoping to convey that you're picking up on! There is always that discovery, when someone you love has gone through trauma, I find. "Can we talk about this? How about this? Can I touch you like this? Is this okay?" is completely normal, because most people have no fucking idea what to do and it's a trial-and-error situation. But they can both come through it, in the end. Some things might shake Kurt up, but if they keep communicating they're going to get through it in the end.
(OMG BROTHERS!FINN/KURT IS MY OTP TOO! As evidenced by the entirety of "For Which I Have to Howl", I think, which is basically a love letter to brotherly Finn/Kurt, haha!)
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