Fic: "My Body Betrays Me," Chapter Five. Non-con Kurt/Karofsky, Kurt/Blaine -- COMPLETE!!!!!!
I can't believe it's over, you guys. I almost don't want to post this, so that the experience of sharing "Body" with you all will still be happening. But all things must come to an end.
I'm so, so happy to have shared this experience with each and every one of you. Thank you for being such incredible individuals and giving me such an amazing ( Read more... )
I'm so, so happy to have shared this experience with each and every one of you. Thank you for being such incredible individuals and giving me such an amazing ( Read more... )
Like he was willing to ruin him.
You’re weak. The words pound in his ears, high and beautiful and horrible. You’re weak, and awful, and you repulse me.
So sad! I'm glad that Karofsky is finally coming to the realization of the wrongs he has done. It's too little too late, but at least he's finally there. And the fact that he is so scared and running is much more powerful than simply being caught, because if he was taken into custody and given a sentence he would be done with the whole thing (though still guilty), but living with the fear is forcing him to think about what he has done and the hopelessness and fear that Kurt himself had felt.
Blaine looks into the hazel eyes that are so, so like his own; there is sadness there. Sadness, and heartbreak, and anger at the world. “Oh, beloved,” she whispers, voice snagging on the endearment. “Not again.”
YOU JUST HAD TO BRING THAT UP AGAIN WAHH! I love how you've portrayed his mom here, so perfect.
And he just can’t hold back any longer. Unbuckling his seatbelt with trembling fingers, Kurt closes the space between them and lets his dad pull him into a tight, warm hug. It’s an awkward position; leaning over sideways with the gearshift digging into Kurt’s side, but none of that matters. The smell of Old Spice and motor oil makes nostalgia edge alone hid mind as he buries his face in his father’s shoulder.
Okay. Can I just. This is too much. Burt is the only person that Kurt has probably ever had a really intimate relationship with, but that was taken away from him by Karofsky, and now he finally has his dad back... And the power in the moment when he says that one simple word, "No." Burt can finally see his son becoming a normal and successful young man someday, living without fear. So beautiful.
Kurt, he thinks desperately as he clings to the hard, cold porcelain. Kurt, Kurt, Kurt, Kurt, Kurt. <--Ooooohhhhhh. Ooooooooooohhhhhh you are GOOD. I fucking love this. I assume you made this metaphor on purpose, because it's just too fabulous. So symbolic of their whole relationship. I'm going to talk about this more later.
It’s instinctual and base and raw and Kurt wants it so badly, wants to feel safe and held and cared for by people he loves. By people who thinks he matters.
You hit on this in earlier chapters with Blaine, when he was afraid to touch Kurt's knee and whatnot after having found out what happened to him, and I think that you put it into words very well. As a rape victim it would be horrible to have others afraid to touch you, and for Kurt it seems to only strengthen his belief that he is dirty or a whore.
(How much time has passed since he left Dalton???)
WHEN BURT MEETS BLAINE AND REALIZES WHO HE IS:
I'm going to talk about this now, because I'm sure that my review of the continued chapter 5 will be mountainous: I absolutely LOVE the metaphors made in this story. I'm not sure if they were always intentional, and I'm interested to know if they were, but they are wonderful either way. The metaphor I specifically want to talk about is when Karofsky is lying against floor of the bathroom - the cold, hard porcelain. I mean, we all know that's his nickname, and you're just a genius for using it that way. It's what Kurt has always been towards Karofsky, whether it was manifested outwardly or not. No matter how desperately Karofsky held Kurt or tried to make him fall in love too, Kurt was entirely emotionless and frigid, and unyielding to Karofsky's touch. The English major nerd in me rejoices at this little tidbit!
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"...but living with the fear is forcing him to think about what he has done and the hopelessness and fear that Kurt himself had felt." <--- This. This, this, this. If Dave had been caught and put into a correctional facility, in some way it would have been over. It would be finished, and he could start getting over it. With him on the run, it's never going to be over. He's always going to be looking over his shoulder, and be frightened of being found out. He's going to have to live knowing exactly what he did, and in some ways that's a worse punishment than anything. It's certainly destroying him from the inside out, in any case.
And oh, I thought that line might hit you a bit. :( *hugs* I love Blaine's mum so much, actually, and I think that in my headcanon he takes after her in a very profound way. And she loves him very much -- both his parents do, in my head, even if his dad isn't always so good at showing it.
And oh, Burt. :( I'm completely with you: because of Kurt's condition in this, he's only ever really been able to have meaningful relationships with his family. Finn and Carole are new additions, too, and his mother's gone. So Burt is the only living person he's been able to be 100% himself with before, to be truly intimate and close with. Karofsky took that away from him, and now he has it back again. And poor Burt: having his son finally have a chance at a normal life again is so, so powerful for him. Because he hasn't just been sad at what Kurt's missed out on already: Burt has raised his son already grieving for everything he was going to miss. Every career that was too dangerous, every person who he shouldn't get close to. Burt saw Kurt's life as endless missed opportunities, and now he gets to have every one of them. It's a very powerful moment for Burt, too, for sure.
I DID MAKE THE METAPHOR ON PURPOSE OH MY GOD YOU CAUGHT IT NO ONE ELSE CAUGHT IT I LOVE YOUUUUUUUU~! I'm not sure about all the metaphors in this (because sometimes I write something out and go "HEY! HEY, LOOK! Jesus, I'm clever. *stupid smile*"), but the porcelain metaphor was completely intentional, and I'm delighted that you picked up on it! Kurt was always cold, hard porcelain to Dave, no matter how much Dave clung to him. So glad that you enjoyed that! (I love the English nerd in you. <3 Did you go to uni for it?
It's been a few weeks since he left Dalton. :) Kurt's recovery section is kinda a big mish-mash of time, touching on a lot of aspects during those weeks. And as for physical contact: everyone reacts so differently to sexual assault. Some people shy away from physical contact afterward, yes, but not everyone. There's a whole range of responses, and Kurt is reacting in a way where he wants physical contact so very badly it aches. And I can't even imagine how horrible it would feel to WANT to have people reach out and touch you, and to have them instead shy away. For totally valid reasons, yes, but it would just feel awful. It emphasizes all the bad things Kurt can't stop himself from thinking about himself. :( Fortunately, Kurt is finally starting to let people know what he wants, which is a huge step forward.
YOU LIKED THE BURT/BLAINE SCENE YAY!!! :D :D :D
Thank you so much for this AMAZING first half of feedback -- I LOVE LIVEBLOGS, seriously, it means so much to me that you go to all this trouble and I LOVE it. I'm off to start going through the reviews for the 2nd half! <3
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