Fic: "My Body Betrays Me," Chapter Five. Non-con Kurt/Karofsky, Kurt/Blaine -- COMPLETE!!!!!!

[emilianadarling]

I can't believe it's over, you guys. I almost don't want to post this, so that the experience of sharing "Body" with you all will still be happening. But all things must come to an end.

I'm so, so happy to have shared this experience with each and every one of you. Thank you for being such incredible individuals and giving me such an amazing

Comments

[cassidychase]

I'm just gonna post a comment here, so that the final one doesn't get too freaking long, and cause there is so much to say as it is.

The one that will take the least time is Karofsky, so let's start there. I glad he's running, taking Kurt's threat seriously right from the start, instead of maybe hiding first till Kurt had time to report everything. This way, he actually 'gets away' and has to live with himself. Personally I feel that KNOWING exactly what he did to Kurt and realizing the gravity of his actions and his situation and being so guilty and scared is harder than being actually being taken into custody. Right now he's scared of what might happen to him, but the guilt and disgust is going to haunt him for the rest of his life. Some people might see serving time as being a compensation for their crime, to help them ease their conscience a bit. But I never believed that. Karofsky is going to be forever looking over his shoulder, be freaked at any signs of recognition and will probably never get over his actions, unless he mans up and begs Kurt for forgiveness or something, which we know will never happen cause Kurt will END him. Interested to see where Karofsky will end up after this.

Blaine... Poor Blaine dear. I'm really glad you gave him parents that care, like they are not not talking to him or are disgusted with him for being gay (though I suppose we don't REALLY know about that), but yea, I have uber happy that Blaine's mom does care/love her son enough to rush to his bedside, and those little descriptions of her shoving away her sunglasses as if they weren't expensive did help to visualize Blaine's mom's concern very well.

Blaine hurting so much after Kurt left... I KNEW he was gonna have that epic break down from holding everything in, to spare Kurt from having to deal with him. Emotionally, mentally and physically BATTERED. His breakdown was horrible to read and you keep going on and on about his injuries and I'm like OMG HANG IN THERE BB, WISH I COULD DO SOMETHING TO MAKE THE HURT GO AWAY!!

And there it is, Blaine's amazing empathy and understanding and KNOWING for what Kurt is going through, even though he feels he can't begin to imagine what Kurt might be feeling. I love how while he is totally suffering and hurting, he still has the presence and mindfulness to remember that Kurt is the one who needs the recovery period, and that he is so willing to steel himself against himself breaking down on Kurt and confusing him. <3 <3 <3 your Blaine always.

Kurt showing Burt that the curse was gone. EPIC. I loved how you made sure to highlight not only Kurt's reaction and long pent up desire for that moment, but also Burt's thankfulness and happiness. Watching your child go through hell all his life for something that you can't change...I imagine Burt (and Elizabeth) feeling so helpless and angry at the world/god/life that they couldn't protect their son who they love so much, and watching him being controlled by the curse as a little child... OMG That scene was so beautiful and such a long time coming for bot the characters. ;__;, yes i was crying so many happy tears

For a moment there I was terrified that you were going to make Kurt NOT tell Burt the full story. The contrast between his 'coming out' to Burt and Blaine was very nicely discussed there, and the whole 'everything was gonna become real if he told his father' dilemma was so rightly penned out. That hesitation was lovely, though super scary.

Kurt's recovery and dunno-what-to-do-with-himself SO EPIC-LY HEART-WRENCHING! The slow build up of the days, how time just passed by, the Hudmel's individual reactions... All of it just wringed out my tear ducts. It was relatively short and yet every sentence was so weighed out and packed with emotion. Love that Kurt is reaching out for physical attention, that he's comfortable enough to do it with Finn and Carol, Crying so freaking hard at how Burt is handling it, and that one part where Kurt called himself a whore out loud... OMG I just about died there. The fact that he's still slipping back into that mindset is HORRIBLE. ;_____;

[cassidychase]

I dunno, I wasn't so into Burt's reaction to Blaine, just because I didn't get enough of a solid emotion from Burt. I know it's told from Blaine's perspective, but a more definite response would have been good. And I NEED Burt to thank Blaine for getting his son out of that god awful mess! Does Burt know that?! Did Kurt tell him?!

I'm glad Blaine has distractions in the form of school etc, poor bb still waiting for Kurt to reply his message. Just... ;____;

I am going to continue now, will wait for your epic response as usual XD <3 ;__; Yea, still crying....

[emilianadarling]

Hmmmm. When it comes to Blaine and Burt's scene, I think we have to remember that the story Kurt's probably told his dad is the extremely emotionally abbreviated version, and Blaine probably doesn't fit in there very prominently. Burt doesn't have the same emotional connection to Blaine that we do as readers, because he wasn't there. He didn't see exactly how much Blaine did, and how much he struggled, and how much he sacrificed for Kurt to be okay.

Because this something similar to the story Kurt told his dad: "This horrible thing happened to me, and I couldn't tell you. Luckily a friend at school found out. I went to confront Karofsky, and my friend came with. Things got serious, it was a close call, and Karofsky ordered me to do forget everything and I broke the curse because I just couldn't. The friend and I aren't talking right now. And here I am."

That story doesn't give you any idea how important Blaine was in everything. Kurt just didn't talk about Blaine very much in detail: Blaine in general was a very emotionally confusing and difficult subject for Kurt, and Kurt just didn't want to go over it. So all Burt knows is that Blaine is Kurt's friend from school who kinda-helped-him-a-bit to confront his rapist, and now they aren't talking. Burt doesn't know why they needed to take time apart. Was Blaine disgusted by Kurt? Could Blaine just not handle Kurt at all in his emotional state? Burt doesn't know. Kurt's story is very much "I did this, and my friend helped a little" -- in it, Blaine was almost more like a plot device than an actual person. It isn't until Burt meets Blaine that Burt starts to realize that the situation is a little bit different than he thought, which is why his reactions are so understated.

Does that help? Does that make any sense? :)

[cassidychase]

Yea, totally get that Burt prob wouldn't have known just how much Blaine had gone through, just wish that he did you know? Blaine goes through so much for Kurt, just wish that he could get some more recognition out of it?

But WHAT THE HELL am I talking about? Of course he got something out of it. SOMEONE NAMED KURT!! He got back his best friend, newly freed forever from his stupid stupid curse and they are gonna go off into the world together and be happy forever and ever!! *squee! *cue yet another love sick sigh XD XD

And don't worry bb, I totally get that Kurt would have given an extremely watered down version to everyone else, and he and Blaine are the only ones (well, not counting Karofsky of course) who know the real full story. In a way it makes the memory(read: nightmare) special I guess, and it will bond them for life, no matter what happens between them in the future.

[emilianadarling]

ALL RIGHTY! Time to get started with responding to lovely comments. :) Hi, honey!! Probably wise to split them in two; you know how much both of us can chatter on! (I love it!)

I'm completely, 100% with you on Karofsky. I know that a lot of people were eager to see him "get punished" in a bigger way, but I just felt that this made so much more sense. (And oh, man, are you right about Karofsky taking Kurt's threat seriously right away. He fucking booked it and never stopped. He knew that it wasn't an empty threat right from the get-go, which was the only thing that stopped him from getting caught by the authorities.) And I think you're totally right in that, in some ways, this is a far worse punishment. Karofsky is going to be looking over his shoulder his entire life, never making real connections, never really being anyone, and feeling the guilt from what he did forever. I think there's something very powerful about that. (Also, I also wanted to highlight the unfortunate fact that people who do bad things don't always get caught. :( It sucks, but there it is.)

And oh, Blaine. :( In my own headcanon, his parents really do care. They love him, they do. They're not always around, and they're often quite busy, and Blaine and his dad especially have a hard time being on the same page a lot of the time. But they do love him: he's still their son, and they're horrified that this happened to their son again. (Blaine's mum, I feel, deals with emotions a bit better than Blaine's dad, who's awkward about it.) I'm so glad that you liked the 'shoving the glasses aside' image, as it was one that really stuck with me from a long time ago and I was eager to include. :)

And oh, yes, his breakdown. :( It was just inevitable, wasn't it? He's been shoving everything down for days, and shoving down how much pain he's in because he was excited for Kurt, and now all of the sudden all of the emotions are pain are front and centre. You're so right: he was just BATTERED. And oh, Blaine. <3 I love him so much. He always tries to do what's right, even if it isn't the correct choice, but in this case it really is. Blaine knows that Kurt needs time, and has been tearing himself up trying to not breakdown for him. Oh, Blaine.

Aha, glad you enjoyed the Kurt/Burt scene. :) I knew it was going to be difficult, because we're only seeing flashes of Kurt's family's reactions to everything. Plus, it's all through either his or Blaine's eyes: and both of the boys are pretty caught up in themselves/each other right now. They're not really paying all the attention they could to how other people are reacting: Kurt, in particular, just can't if he wants to keep himself sane. But, oh, Burt. You're so right, I think, that they must have just been furious at god/life/everything for making their son go through this. We have to remember the Burt's been going through grief for Kurt's condition for far, far longer than Kurt's really understood it. He must have been so, so happy. And I think that Kurt just had to hesitate; he finally had the choice to tell someone, and he needed to be able to have a moment where he hung on the edge. I'm glad he told his dad, though, in the end.

I knew that there wasn't going to be enough time to write an entire recovery!fic, because it just wasn't going to fit into the overall narrative of the story. (And it would turn into something as long as a fic like "Weightless" if I wanted to properly cover everything, and that fic is like 180,000 words long!!) So all we could get were little glimpses into Kurt-after-everything. Days continuing to pass, emotional confusion, the need for physical contact... and oh, Kurt, calling himself a whore. :( He was so in that mindset for so long, there are traces that just won't go away just yet.

[cassidychase]

Love everything about your response XD Totally agree with the Karofsky situation... so many people get away with these things, and I commented in the second half, there are so many ways that Karofsky could have ended up, but I like the route that you took. In a way, he doesn't get brought to justice, but his life is miserable and empty, so the torture is completely internalized and kinda pitiful, though completely deserved for what he put everyone else through.

Blaine's caring parent: Thank god for them. I would have been completely shattered if Blaine had to go back to parents who didn't really care about him, or think he brought it upon himself for being gay or whatever. Poor poor darling didn't need anymore stress in his life and I am sooooo glad his mom is awesome, and his dad cares, but is unsure how to approach this. Major relief there. XD

(And lol, I read 'inevitable' in Megagirl's voice and burst out laughing for no reason XD Just watched starship again the other day XD XD XD) Blaine's breakdown... Major sob session there. But yes, It Gets Better.

Your reasoning for Kurt and Burt's reactions: PERFECT. Your characters are always so human and real, and you know them so very well (I mean, of course, you should, after all you are writing them, but half the time if I'm writing fan fic, I focus on the main character, and the others are sort of floating around without real gravity to hold them to sense. So I am in awe of your control and how you just articulate exactly what you think/KNOW the characters are up to and their own thoughta and motives and reasons.)

Length: Perfect. Moments: Perfect. Overall Absolutely Fucking PERFECT. Love this fic sooooooooo much, I'm gonna miss waiting holding my breath for updates, but I know there's gonna be more awesome things to come, so I'm just happy to along for the ride XD