Fic: "My Body Betrays Me," Chapter Four -- Part One. Non-con Kurt/Karofsky, Kurt/Blaine

[emilianadarling]

So... fun fact. This entire portion started as one bullet point note in my outline for this fic. But it became apparent pretty quickly that the boys had a lot to talk about, and it just... morphed into its own autonomous entity.

Regardless, I hope you all enjoy. :) If this part feels like a great deal of lead-up... it is. Yeah... sorry about that

Comments

[lls_mutant]

I hit this link as soon as I saw it was up :) I've been looking forward to the comfort in this fic, and this didn't disappoint at all. I love that Kurt acknowledged that it was stupid to trust Blaine so completely, but at the same time, the groundwork was there for Kurt to think that Blaine was trustworthy. I love the whole acknowledgement that, although Kurt wishes Blaine could play the white knight, Blaine is still a sixteen year old kid who's in way over his head. I love Kurt's response to the word "rape" and the way he's unsure about his craving for physical contact, but that you didn't go the route of Kurt flinching from physical contact. While I can definitely and completely understand where that happens, there's such a range of responses to sexual assault, and I feel like Kurt's reactions in this really reflect that and are true to his relationship with Blaine and a lot of Kurt's character.

I love that you revisited the mental part of Karofsky's domination as well. I still think that is by far the creepiest part, and I'm so glad that you let Kurt out from under that yoke. The flashbacks were poignant and powerful and creepy, and what an absolute horror for Kurt. And for Blaine, to realize that his actions had these consequences. I like that Blaine felt guilty but you avoided the manpain aspect of it, and he didn't drown in that guilt.

I'm really, really looking forward to seeing what Kurt's idea is!

[emilianadarling]

As always, I'm completely over the moon that you were so eager to read this! I think that a lot of people have really been looking forward to/desperately needing to get to something a little brighter in this fic. By this point, any sort of comfort was long overdue. Especially since -- well, this was a once-sentence bullet point in my original outline: "Kurt and Blaine talk." But there was just so much that was necessary for them to talk about, you know? And now... there is so much to talk about in this comment, my lovely. I'm really, really happy that you hit on a few things here. <3

I'm really pleased that you found Kurt deciding to tell Blaine a likely decision, even in spite of what happened the last time he told someone. I wanted to set it up so that all of the queues and indicators would be there to show that yes, Blaine could be trusted -- but I think it would be impossible to confess such a condition to someone without being terrified that they would use it against you. I think there would always have to be an element of "god, I'm an idiot, what am I doing, what if they take advantage" about it, no matter what. And yes... it would be amazing if Blaine had all the answers, but he really really doesn't. I mean -- from his POV in Chapter Three, what could have prepared him for this? He's been caught completely off-guard and has no idea what to do or how to respond in a way that won't make Kurt uncomfortable.

Oh, god, the mental aspect. That is, without a doubt, the most disturbing aspect of this fic for me personally. The idea of changing someone's mind around, altering who they are, stopping them from thinking right... ugh. So glad that the flashbacks were powerful reminders of that. And with regards to Blaine; I think that, while Blaine does feel guilty about everything, he knows that Kurt does not need him having a crisis right now. It's the very last thing that Kurt needs, and that's why we see Blaine schooling his expressions and trying to keep calm and not freak out.

And now for the two things I wanted to talk about the most!

Yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Thank you so much for highlighting Kurt's response to the word "rape" as well as his need for physical contact. (I was really hoping that someone would bring those two things up!) With regards to physical contact: you are so, so right that there's a massive range of reactions and responses that people have in response to sexual assault. Everyone is different, every assault is different, and people respond in different ways. However, this is not something that a lot of people talk about. It always seems to me that, in media and pop culture in general, it's indicated that the only "normal" response is to shy away from physical contact altogether. That isn't how everyone feels, but I think that a young man like Kurt would be socially indoctrinated to assume that there must be something wrong with him for feeling differently. There isn't, of course, but he doesn't know that. Blaine has always been more physically affectionate with Kurt than a lot of his other friends, and I wanted to explore the confusion and angst that could come from wanting that kind of friendly comfort and not knowing why. And Blainers, in his infinite wisdom, doesn't ask what Kurt wants; he just shies away at first, assuming Kurt doesn't want the contact.

And with regards to the word "rape"... Kurt is having very, very complicated feelings about that word right now. There's a lot going on inside his head, and I don't think he fully understands it yet. But, yes. Complicated feelings.

*deep breath* Whew! Thank you so much, and I'm sorry for rambling at you in my response. Those last things in particular were two things I've been dying to talk about for ages. <3 Thank you, thank you, thank you for the incredibly thoughtful feedback. You are, as ever, a complete wonder. <3 <3 <3