(no subject)
at the moment existence feels....weird and complex.
i've seen some heady days and i'll be honest, i really hope that i am not going crazy.
i've decided to lay off the psychedelic drugs for a while...all drugs for a while. even pot. (not that i was doing anything more than that.)
it's just that lately the potency drives me to paranoia.
it's like i feel like everyone is against me or making fun of me or something. and today i felt like i was tripping again.
i saw everyone's cell phones on the counter of a kitchen decked in stainless steel, dark mahogony, and granite.
it freaked me out.
it was so futuristic. haha
it's like everything is backwards in my head.
i really hate civilization and society.
i hate that in 40 years we are going to run out of oil and the entire world will change.
i hate how polar bears are now an endangered species, and my dad is seriously worried about procuring our future survival.
i hate that i now feel like i have to dedicate my life to a cause that i support, because no one else will...rather than doing what i truly want, because i fucking care about humanity and our planet. haha.
we are so fucked.
seriously..why was there no one looking out for us? ever before?
yea..i know i sound like a nut.
i'm really ok though.
this break has been interesting.
i miss school.
snowboarding was awesome. i love alison and rebecca and bianca and sam and raquel. it's good to be in glen cove.
but long island is and always will be, distinctly long island. and i can't help but feel excitement in going to ct this wednesday.
i reallly miss forrest.
it's been tough on my dad's whole family, finding out that his oldest sister has pancreatic cancer.
it's been tough on my grandparents. rediculously so.
they canceled our trip to florida..but we've seen them almost every day.
we made an entire quilt in 5 days for my aunt. it's truly beautiful an amazing.
it's weird.
in different moments, i feel different ways.
normally when i get around to writing in here, i'm in the same usual drab moods. not pessimistic, just blahh.
i've been writing a lot. and reading sylvia plath.
poetry used to intimidate me. but if i do say so myself, i'm pretty good at it.
i used to feel like i had a handle on figuring things out.
now i just don't even know what i think about things and quite frankly, i think i'm adjusting to the thought, that maybe somethings are better left a mystery.
i'd better get some sleep before i start falling down the rabbit hole even further.
haha
i've seen some heady days and i'll be honest, i really hope that i am not going crazy.
i've decided to lay off the psychedelic drugs for a while...all drugs for a while. even pot. (not that i was doing anything more than that.)
it's just that lately the potency drives me to paranoia.
it's like i feel like everyone is against me or making fun of me or something. and today i felt like i was tripping again.
i saw everyone's cell phones on the counter of a kitchen decked in stainless steel, dark mahogony, and granite.
it freaked me out.
it was so futuristic. haha
it's like everything is backwards in my head.
i really hate civilization and society.
i hate that in 40 years we are going to run out of oil and the entire world will change.
i hate how polar bears are now an endangered species, and my dad is seriously worried about procuring our future survival.
i hate that i now feel like i have to dedicate my life to a cause that i support, because no one else will...rather than doing what i truly want, because i fucking care about humanity and our planet. haha.
we are so fucked.
seriously..why was there no one looking out for us? ever before?
yea..i know i sound like a nut.
i'm really ok though.
this break has been interesting.
i miss school.
snowboarding was awesome. i love alison and rebecca and bianca and sam and raquel. it's good to be in glen cove.
but long island is and always will be, distinctly long island. and i can't help but feel excitement in going to ct this wednesday.
i reallly miss forrest.
it's been tough on my dad's whole family, finding out that his oldest sister has pancreatic cancer.
it's been tough on my grandparents. rediculously so.
they canceled our trip to florida..but we've seen them almost every day.
we made an entire quilt in 5 days for my aunt. it's truly beautiful an amazing.
it's weird.
in different moments, i feel different ways.
normally when i get around to writing in here, i'm in the same usual drab moods. not pessimistic, just blahh.
i've been writing a lot. and reading sylvia plath.
poetry used to intimidate me. but if i do say so myself, i'm pretty good at it.
i used to feel like i had a handle on figuring things out.
now i just don't even know what i think about things and quite frankly, i think i'm adjusting to the thought, that maybe somethings are better left a mystery.
i'd better get some sleep before i start falling down the rabbit hole even further.
haha