pride
to think that the rest of us are living in a world deviod of arrogance, pity, spite, pride, concietedness and the rest of them is fucking impossible. where would we be without the lovable emotion that makes us so damn suceptable to mental breakdown.
ironic.
that the one thing saving us from the pain, is what's causing it in the long run.
pride.
to hear the word spoken, is so different as to seeing it take place. it's like you get to see a fucking play right infront of you, one that involves you, and exhausts you till you don't want to do it any more. do what? it, anything. this is how it's always been. don't try to change it. don't try to change me.
my acid has run dry. i'm left seeing the world in black and white again. i'm smoking weed again, which is a big step for me, seeing as i've preached/bitched/bragged about how i 'so don't smoke anymore'. bullshit. i'm such a hypocrite. and i'm drinking again. and i'm not trying to get off any of the other drugs.
ahhhh...to see it written down, for the whole of who ever to read my failure, my weakness. it shatters everything. makes me, sigh, funnily enough. one of those sighs that's just so damn relieving\ everything's not going to be alright-don't patronise me-fuck off-i'm done here-i feel better now\sighs.
i hear footsteps walking towards me. i can see the confusion in my face, reflecting back at me. this morning is one of those horrible mornings when i'm so damn emo i would rather fuck razor blades than explain myself.
me, nic, sari and le julian are the perfect group. i love them, i think that i just used that word out of context, but it gets my point across. to rephrase that statement of love, they are the three people i would choose over anyone to hang out with. seeing matthew last night was spiffy as well, not that the fucker was being entertaining or anything. he also left the camera on, meaning that we didn't get to use it 'cos the battery ran out. i hope that you're sincerly sorry about that you sock.
that's right. a sock.
rhys came out as well. i like rhys. he doesn't try to pull any emo shit on my ass when we're high. you know how people do that? it gets so irratating. especially when i don't initiate that kind of conversation, and even more so when they start trying to analyse me and my family. that shit is not cricket. don't ever try that on me. all you'll get is instant dislike.
don't take offense though.
i'm sure you're a nice person and such.
but fuck off.
the only people i talk to about my problems are nick, sometimes matthew and phil. i used to be able to talk to fletcher, but since he's come back, somethings missing/changed. i don't know. but i just want things to be the way they were. but hey, you can't force those things. maybe the moment's just passed. and anyway, why should i always have my way?
fuck you.
this entry sucks. it's too long, too emo, too boring, and most of all, too boring.
bah.
lick the left one if you don't like it. i wanted to whinge, and whinge i fucking did.
ironic.
that the one thing saving us from the pain, is what's causing it in the long run.
pride.
to hear the word spoken, is so different as to seeing it take place. it's like you get to see a fucking play right infront of you, one that involves you, and exhausts you till you don't want to do it any more. do what? it, anything. this is how it's always been. don't try to change it. don't try to change me.
my acid has run dry. i'm left seeing the world in black and white again. i'm smoking weed again, which is a big step for me, seeing as i've preached/bitched/bragged about how i 'so don't smoke anymore'. bullshit. i'm such a hypocrite. and i'm drinking again. and i'm not trying to get off any of the other drugs.
ahhhh...to see it written down, for the whole of who ever to read my failure, my weakness. it shatters everything. makes me, sigh, funnily enough. one of those sighs that's just so damn relieving\ everything's not going to be alright-don't patronise me-fuck off-i'm done here-i feel better now\sighs.
i hear footsteps walking towards me. i can see the confusion in my face, reflecting back at me. this morning is one of those horrible mornings when i'm so damn emo i would rather fuck razor blades than explain myself.
me, nic, sari and le julian are the perfect group. i love them, i think that i just used that word out of context, but it gets my point across. to rephrase that statement of love, they are the three people i would choose over anyone to hang out with. seeing matthew last night was spiffy as well, not that the fucker was being entertaining or anything. he also left the camera on, meaning that we didn't get to use it 'cos the battery ran out. i hope that you're sincerly sorry about that you sock.
that's right. a sock.
rhys came out as well. i like rhys. he doesn't try to pull any emo shit on my ass when we're high. you know how people do that? it gets so irratating. especially when i don't initiate that kind of conversation, and even more so when they start trying to analyse me and my family. that shit is not cricket. don't ever try that on me. all you'll get is instant dislike.
don't take offense though.
i'm sure you're a nice person and such.
but fuck off.
the only people i talk to about my problems are nick, sometimes matthew and phil. i used to be able to talk to fletcher, but since he's come back, somethings missing/changed. i don't know. but i just want things to be the way they were. but hey, you can't force those things. maybe the moment's just passed. and anyway, why should i always have my way?
fuck you.
this entry sucks. it's too long, too emo, too boring, and most of all, too boring.
bah.
lick the left one if you don't like it. i wanted to whinge, and whinge i fucking did.