Another World - Chapter 14 (part 1)
WARNING - NC17 < dont read if you are likely to be offended.
Disclaimer: I do not nor have i ever owned or had anything to do with LOST or the actors/actresses associated. this is purely on a fictional basis.
Emi
Another World - Chapter 14
If she thought it would change the way she was feeling, she wouldn’t have snapped the top of her computer down, run to her bed, slipped between the cold damn sheets, turned off the night lamp and closed her eyes tightly. She wouldn’t have tried to stop them dithering and give away that she was still awake if it would change anything about the way she was feeling.
“Eve.” He whispered. She held her breath still, hoping he would just slip back down the stairs out the front door and back to where ever it was he had come from. “Eve, you awake?” he said sliding further into the room, dropping something and then coming closer to their bed. Had he seen the glow from the laptop and figured out she was pretending to sleep, even at this hour? The bed tilted on his side. He leant across the mattress and touched her head softly, placing his fingers against the clean waves in her hair, which was scraped back in an untidy ponytail, his fingers melting into the colour. He admired her as she slept and sighed deeply. She contemplated facing him, but felt the rise of tears already threatening her. “Sweet dreams then.” He said flatly and clambered off the bed trundling downstairs.
Fractures were appearing in their relationship. Dom had seen them coming when they were tiny ones just starting to appear at the edges. Now he couldn’t see her for all of the horrific scars ripped through their relationship. But he didn’t know or understand why?
Evie sighed and rolled her face deeper into her pillow. She inhaled deeply, hoping for Matthew’s scent to return, even after all these weeks. A few months ago and she was changing her bed and washing the sheets more often than she could count desperate to cling to his scent, but wary of the strong sexual fragrance their hot bodies were leaving behind after each erotic encounter. She begged now for her tears to disappear because she simply couldn’t risk them anymore. Even Dom was beginning to recognise the similar pattern of her dull face appearing every single day as she rose, and every night when he came home late, wanting everything she wasn’t prepared to offer.
Dom slunk down into his excuse for a sofa. He pressed his head into his hand, weary after a few pints. He knew what he had to do, he thought to himself, he just had to actually do it. Things were changing, things were really changing and he had to face up to that now. His eyes closed before he could stop them but by now he was used to sleeping on the couch. Night after night he had crawled in at some ungodly hour, Evie already asleep upstairs since she had moved in after the house fire. He wasn’t sure anymore whether she was going to bed earlier to avoid him, or he was finding excuses to go and stay out later. Either way, things were no longer as right as they once were. How long was it going to be before they realised it consciously? How long was it before the media told them their relationship was over?
* * *
Matt turned on his side, his body heavy to move at this hour. It was as if sleep was granted only to his limbs, his mind would never be allowed to rest ever again. Ridden with guilt and a burning inside of him, Matt rose and crept out of the bedroom, down the hall and downstairs silently. He slipped into his office, slumped into the chair and rolled it closer to the desk where he laid his head on the cool wood. He remembered the touch of her lips like it was yesterday. Except when he tried to picture her face, it was a dark blur. He could just about imagine the way his hands used to fit around her shoulders, his fingers tight around her arms, even his fist in her hair, but the colour of her eyes, the exact colour he was struggling to find. Just like he couldn’t remember the sparkle her face contained when they saw each other, when they met up together, when their bodies touched, bare and throbbing. Everything was disappearing. Matt knew that if Evie was happier, then he would be too. But since tonight, he knew for a fact that she wasn’t either.
~ Earlier that evening ~
The summer evening was burning hot. Even air conditioning wasn’t curing the sweat that was pouring down the sides of Matt’s face. The kids were outside still in the pool. It was past their bedtime and it had been for a while. But he knew they weren’t going to sleep in this heat. And it was coming up to the end of term, which was a valid excuse to let them play, considering they were getting on so well today. His wife was clearing up, her body darting between rooms, collecting and tidying like she had a mission to complete. Matt was letting the world rush past him. The screams from outside were beginning to get to him, the heat another thing that was niggling at his level of patience. Startling him, his cell phone rang. The number was withheld. He took the phone to his ear and pressed the green button.
“Y-ello,” he croaked scraping back off his chair and pacing outside. There was a long silence and a prolonged answer by which time Matt was outside and rounding the edge of his white glazed house.
“Hiya mate.” The voice, which he immediately recognised bounced down the line.
“Dom…” Matt said.
A short while later and they were a couple of swallows into their first can of beer each. The sun had settled down into the horizon completely and the view was casting a shadow on the world. The darkness was slowly creeping up on them from behind as they stared out to sea.
“Ahhh- just don’t know anymore.” The guy scratched his hairy chin and then wiped his hand over his face, creasing under the cover of his own fingers. Matt swallowed, the coarse fluid cold making him shiver as it slithered down his gullet. Each swallow was like chewing on fire. Tasteless and full of danger. Matt bit the tip of his tongue until his jaw quivered. What was he supposed to say to this? I’m sure she’ll come round? I’m sure she’s fine. Maybe she’s hormonal, tired, sick and tired. He thought his mind buzzing with anxiety as he tried to prevent Dom from circling round to a topic, which Matt felt would break him in half.
“I just don’t think she loves me the way she used to.”
“Ma-maybe that’s a good thing … you know?” Dom turned to look up at Matt, his body leant over his knees as he thought aloud.
“You think?” Dom questioned, wondering how Evie not being in love with him anymore was a good thing.
“Maybe she’s in love with you in a different, way. Perhaps she’s ready to move on to that next level with you, but doesn’t know how to tell you.” Matt let the lie swivel off his tongue like a suggestion would. He thought only afterwards about how he got all those words out without gagging, stuttering or spitting.
Dom shook his head regretfully.
“She barely talks to me,” he shook desperately, swiping his stubby fingers down the side of the can, dragging the condensation with him. “She wants out man. I know it.” Dom settled back in his chair. Matt remained deathly silent. A high pitched scream dragged out through the quiet, the children playing and laughing. Matt turned back to the house, and then out into the calmer more tranquil sea. Each night he would sit out here when his bed got too much to bear. He would sit and stare out at the calm sea. It looked so much stiller when the cover of darkness protected it. At dusk, the waves roared somewhere below them, carrying out with them all the troubles of the day. Soon to be replaced with hope that the night often brought.
“It’s Evie you know,” Matt said in a hushed voice, his mouth forming the words that he said over and over again in his mind constantly. His tongue fell over the letters in her name, she drew an extra heart beat from him, even her name aroused him. Matt shifted in his seat to face Dom, facing the truth regardless of how painful it was. Dom, after all, was still his friend. He deserved the advice he clearly desperately needed.
But staring into the young guy’s face, Matt realised he couldn’t part with such advice. What could he say that didn’t ruin Dom’s chances, or destroy his own heart. There was no in-between. There was no level ground that wouldn’t leave one of them sinking in quick sand. Sooner or later though, like this, they would both suffocate.
“You should talk to her man,” Matthew explained, holding his beer, feeling his fingers crack around the tin can. He wondered why he hadn’t taken his own advice. The metal bent in his hand slightly, the cold case collapsing in on itself on one side. The sound reverberated, the liquid jolted up one side and frothed slightly.
“You think?”
“If you want to know so badly what’s going on, you have to ask her.” Matt looked up, Dom was unaware of the context thank fully, Matt never intended for him to find out. But he needed to know what Evie wasn’t telling him. Perhaps that would even shed light on what she felt about him, he thought and sipped at his beer.
“That’s gonna take some confidence.” Dom spluttered. “Pass us another.” And Matt dug his hand into the ice and passed his friend another drink. Dominic cracked it open and pulled it to his lips.
* * *
Outside the world’s peace is waiting for Matt and as he exited from his office and the house, he notices how the sky is completely clear all but the odd twinkling star and the bright moon at one end of the sky. Across the sea spun a rippling shadow of silver as the water reflects the night’s sky below Matt’s feet. It had been hours since Dom left, no less confused than when he had arrived. The cool box lay open, the ice had become a bucket of warm water and at the bottom two empty cans had sunk. Matt kicks at the bucket, one-foot then the other, the tapping of his feet getting louder until he swings his leg, hits the ice bucket and the water flies out over the patio. It spreads like a fan turning the concrete a musky grey where it becomes wet. The cans roll out, spinning across the path abruptly, hitting a rough stone and bouncing off in the other direction. Perching on the edge of Dom’s former seat, Matt fell head in hands to an almighty stop. He presses his thumbs into his forehead but nothing would stop the beat of Evie’s name throbbing against the front of his skull. She was unhappy. She was unhappy. She was more than unhappy. She was miserable. Should he do something? Was this his fault? Did she need him still? More than she realised? Just how lonely was she? How far away from loosing it? The thoughts progress into mad scenarios, which left Matt blaming himself and Evie nothing but a white sheet of her former felt. Nothing made sense in that place. Should he do something to stop it, before it was too late?
Across the town somewhere, Dom was curled up next to this woman. His hands on her body, his fingers laced through hers. He was smelling the scent of her hair, he was breathing in the air she wasted. He was waking up to the smell of sleep on her shoulder where Matt revelled to kiss her good morning. He was waking up with the possibilities at his fingertips. Since when did Dom deserve so much? Matt thought about his family inside. And creased. His heart plummets, his mind curses as he asks himself when he earned the right to so much happiness? Was it too late to do something about how he was feeling? Was it too late to change the course of his future? Or would he be forced to live a lie forever?
* * *
Downstairs Dom was snoring. It rattled through the thin walls and floor like a hoover would. Evie pushes herself up, listening for the pattern of snores to pass through the carpet and up to her room. Slipping out of bed she tiptoes across the room and lifts the lid of the computer up. She types in her password silently and wipes her fingers across her face lightly, brushing the possibility of sleep aside. Inside her head thumps as she glides the mouse across the screen and clicks in the various places that her hands knew off by heart. The screen burst into colour and she logged in. Once online she sees immediately the updates that had been posted in the last few minutes since she had been curled up in bed. Her face glows from the lit screen, the only source of light other than the gleaming moon present in the burning nights sky. The messages symbolised just what she had wanted to see and she wastes no time in opening the document. She scans the page, searching for one particular part, skipping the formalities and the conversation that was taking place at the beginning of the text. Her eyes scan the page desperately, rooting for the next part, which she was dying inside to read. Was this her entire future played out in words for her, she thought sadly as she realised what she must look like, what she was doing? Letting her eyes drop for just a second, she imagines Matt walking in right now. His hands sliding underneath her heavy bare thighs that were on the chair, picking up her light body smoothly and walking with her to the bed. He would lay her down and stand back to admire her writhing body. Then he would strip her naked, slowly, sensually, with dark long breaths, his teeth grazing her wet skin, outlining her body carefully. The scratch of his face would be nothing compared to the lull of his fingers.
Dom’s snoring cracks through the silence and Evie focuses on the screen. Neither the fantasy or reality seemed real anymore. She swallows and scrolls down until the familiar words trickle onto the page. Her eyes light up as she begins to read, scanning for details at first, then her name followed by Matt’s. This particular author was brilliant at creating a passion on screen that had Evie craning for more each night. How sad it was that her life came down to this now. Once upon a time she had the real thing touching her in such intimate places it made her sore. Now she was an empty void, the words were what touched her skin at night. The images this writer created where what Evie imagined to be her future, because she knew she had given the reality of Matt’s stern hands up for reasons she could no longer remember.
* * *
Daylight brought sense, thank goodness, to most people.
All except Matt. When the world was waking, he was about to drop.
The tingling in his fingers had taken a few minutes sat on the side of a pavement to cure. His head throbbed though now. The blood was pulsing so furiously he could hardly see straight. On the road in front of him, a car crawled by. The earliest of shoppers rising to get done and home before the heat rose to an exceptional and in most cases, unbearable level. Already Matt could feel the stares growing and so he moved away as smoothly as he could back away from the many eyes.
He follows the path back down towards the sea, which led to his home but stops abruptly when he sees a taxi. Waving his arm loosely, the taxi stops and curls round to him. Matt leans into the window, and watches as the driver flinches.
“I need a favour…” he slurs and snaps open the door, falling rather than sliding into the seat.
* * *
By 9am Dom has sunk from the house, surfing board under his arm, his wet suit half way up his body. In the past, I went with him. Not any more. After nine I know I can slither downstairs and go about my way. Loosing my home was bad enough as most of my belongings went with it. Loosing my privacy was something I would never get over and why I was scouring Hawaii for a new place. The doorbell was what made me jump whilst eating my toast. I lick the jam off my fingers and walk to the door, crunching on the next bite. I falter when Matt is revealed, slumped against the doorframe. I swallow my mouthful whole.
“Matt,” I gulp and step back in my pyjamas. His eyes grow wider as he scans my face, my body, the hand holding my breakfast. I swallow again, my throat dry. It had literally been weeks since we had seen each other, since our eyes had met like this. Once LOST had ended for the season, we had no reason to meet anymore. Movies had us all over America, talk shows and magazines had us moving on different tracks.
“Two hours ago I knew what I was going to say.”
“And now.” I say sharply, my toast still hovering against my lips, sticky and warm. Matt doesn’t answer. I look at his body, wasting away in front of me and wondered how we got to the stage where I held the door for him, but wouldn’t dare let him in.
“Now, now,” he repeated gazing at my face, his eyes searching for something that he would never find in me anymore, “I think I might be sick.” He swallows and I step further back, slightly put off.
“What’s the matter?” I ask nervously, knowing whatever it was, I didn’t want to know, and would be better off if I didn’t. But something about having this man in front of me made me want to hear whatever he had to say. Especially if it meant I could be near him for a second longer.
“Can I come in?” Slowly, I shake my head.
“I don’t think…” I begin, “it’s not a very good idea,” I say looking to the floor worriedly. It was Matt, I think to myself, it’s not like he was going to get angry at me denying him that.
“I’ve been waiting till now to come.” He says surely. “I know he’s gone surfing.” Matt explains cleverly but I still shake my head, my eyes turning out to the drive behind him.
“It’s not that.” I say softly. Apparently weeks weren’t long enough apart, to forget the wave of heat that Matt brought over me when he was ten feet never mind two away from me.
“Evie please.” Matt wishes his voice low and husky.
“Matt, I don’t want you here.” There is a long pause, a dreadful silence that lingers like the smell of rain does after a good downpour.
“Too bad.” Matt mutters, searching for my gaze.
“Excuse me.” And then out of know where Matt begins to speak.
“Dom knows…”
* * *
“He what!” I say closing the door behind Matt who hobbles in and then falls to one side. Instinctively my hands go out and touch his back, my fingers melt into his loose shirt and to his skin. I flinch, feeling at the heat of him before I pull back. Wasn’t this where it all began? A touch, a longing gaze. A kiss? But Matt has stopped. He lets me walk in front of him, his eyes burning into the back of my neck. I push the hair off my face, flicking it out. Did he long to touch me in the same was I did him?
“He was over last night, talking…talking,” Matt collapses into the armchair and places his head carefully back against a pillow, groaning as if he was in agony. “Talking about how much you had changed. You act different. Don’t want to…want to be with him.” I pour him a glass of water and force it into his hand, taking care to not let our fingers brush.
“Did he say anything to you?”
“No, he just thinks you don’t love him anymore.” I stand across from Matt with my arms folded. The coffee table a barrier between us. “Do you?” Matt asks. I look up sharply, a great frown covering my face, which warns Matt off in a severe way. He holds up his hands from the wrists in defence and then lets them flop back down wincing.
Matt blinks as the sun shines in through the window. He holds his hand up to his face, protecting and covering his eyes. He looks exhausted. He’s pale and tired looking. He must have drank enough for three men last night as his skin looks saggy and too big to cover his body. I shift to the other leg, wary of his eyes lingering back on the contours of my face. I look down at myself, turning to the mirror behind me to scrape my fingers through my hair, which I hadn’t brushed yet.
“I know you’re unhappy too.” He says like a statement. I turn back to him, folding my arms more tightly across my chest. I was more and more aware that I was barely dressed.
“What makes you think that?”
“Because of what Dom said.”
“You’re an actor Matt, you should know not to believe everything you hear.” I shuffle around the room back to the kitchen and tip my toast into the bin. The flap rattles against the wood until it comes to a halt. I turn the water on, to fill the silence. The liquid bursts from the silver tap, spluttering and filling the sink.
“Dom said you don’t talk anymore.” He’s risen from his chair, and has wavered into the space that linked the lounge and kitchen. “He says you aren’t the person you used to be.” I move away from the sink turning off the tap. Matt was too close, I could feel his eyes crawling all over me like bugs that itch. I shake out a towel, I fold it neatly, placing the corners together so carefully its perfect.
“He says that you go to bed before he gets home, get up after he’s left.”
“Is there nothing he didn’t tell you?” Evie mutters into the tea towel and Matt falls silent again.
* * *
When she is about to turn round Matt’s hands flatten around her upper arms. She is startled when she feels Matt touch her from behind. But she regretfully moves him off her, shrinking away into the corner of the unit, her arms pushing him away.
“Don’t,” she warns fiercely. Matt holds up his hands and takes a step back.
“Evie,” he says, “are you going to tell him?” Matt asks looking petrified she thinks as she looks up at him. What was it that he wanted? What was it he was after by being here? Confirmation that she wasn’t going to blow their secret. This wasn’t in the rules.
“Of course I’m not going to tell him.” She splutters shaking her head. She brushes her hands through her hair and tucks it behind her ears. Matt eyes lie over her like a blanket. He doesn’t answer until she has finished.
“Are you leaving him?” Evie sighs, shaking her head angrily, her mouth turning.
“I told you I was didn’t I?”
“Yeah, almost two months ago Evangeline.”
“Oh fuck off Matt.” She exclaims and holds her hands on each side of the sink, holding herself up. Matt stops under the archway and turns towards her. What did he say to that?
“I just assumed that…”
“That what? That by now I would be a fully functioning person, with…with another boyfriend and prospects? That what?” she says a sarcastic laugh lying in her throat, “that I would have left Hawaii for the summer in search of something bigger, and a hell of a lot better than what I found here this year?”
“Well clearly you’ve already…” Matt began.
“Well clearly what Matt,” she gestured heatedly, “you thought you’d come here for answers did you? Just fuck off home.” She slurred turning back to the dished Dom had left for her.
Matt didn’t move. It was suddenly like time had stopped still. Nothing else around them was moving, except their hearts kept beating. Their lungs kept asking for air, and their eyes kept blinking. Evie leant against the basin and sighed. She didn’t want to fight. She didn’t want to feel like this anymore either.
“Just so you know, I feel just the same.” As he speaks she closes her eyes, lost within his words. She swallowed down the guilt of leaving him, of shrugging him off, of not allowing him inside the second she saw him. Of loosing perhaps the greatest friendship she had ever had. And for what? Matt turned to leave but stopped when he heard her switch the tap on again.
“If…if you need a place to stay Evi,” she looked up slowly. “You know,” he began, “if you do tell Dom, you wouldn’t have to ask.” He watches carefully as her face flickers with a sadness that had been present in Kate when Jack told her he loved her last season, all those weeks ago now. That he had always loved her. She swallows a tear down, and licks her lips trying to smile gently.
“Thank you.” She whispers. Matt nods his head promisingly and smiles back.
“I’ll see ya,” he says smoothly.
“Matt?” She says softly, drawing up her head, her glistening hair sliding down each side of her face. “Do you need a lift or?” Matt looks towards the hallway contemplating for the first time how he was going to get home. He had left nothing, no note, nothing regarding an explanation for his sudden disappearance. To his family, he had been sucked off the face of the earth. He looked back to Evangeline who had emerged in her pyjamas, her shorts tight to her waist and a flowing top showing off the curves of her beautiful body.
“Erm,” Matt said, looking back to her face. “Are you sure…” he muttered.
“No it’s fine.” Evie says confidently, and reaches for a cloth. “I’ll just nip upstairs and…” she throws the towel onto the couch beside her and heads for the stairs. As she passes Matt though he reaches out and grabs her arm, his fingers folding around her elbow. It was a reflex he thought as his fingers passed against the smooth hairs on her arms, and pressed them down between his skin and hers. “And…” she continues, her voice shaking, “and get…get dressed.” Matt’s hand is so hot against her skin but she doesn’t try and break free this time. Instead she lets him hold her for free, for a second. He reels her close to his side, his face close enough to smell her hair and her light skin. She shudders when he bends his head in close, after a second though she tilts her head away from him, sure that one hand on her arm was enough. Enough for both of them to use as fuel for now.
But Matt was itching for more. Touching her just created a wave of emotion, which crashed over him instantly. The softness of her skin only reminded him of what her entire body felt like when it was pressed up against his. With that thought deep in his mind, he switched hands, grabbed her other arm with his free hand and ran her back into the kitchen, pressing her body neatly against the counter. He forced his body down hers and reached for her mouth. She moved her head to the side, her eyes closing tightly, wincing, avoiding his ripe lips. Instead he melted into her neck, his mouth closing on her warm skin. He heard a groan squeak from her throat. He licks her body and tilts down into her shoulder, his mouth moving in waves. His hands let her go and with a few fingers he scrapes the tiny strap of her top down her arm. Rather than kissing her bare shoulder though, Matt forces her back to arch and kisses her bare chest slipping lower. His mouth opens and closes between her breasts, his tongue seeping out to touch and taste her again. Eagerly, he pulls back, noticing how she wasn’t going to push him away. Turning to catch her eye Matt pushes his hands to her breasts, the material of her pyjamas thankfully thin and forgiving as her nipples harden beneath the touch of his fingers.
Her eyes are sad and wide as she watches his grow with anticipation as his hands sink against her warm breasts again, the mounds fitting perfectly in his lost hands as he rolls her in his palms. Their foreheads come together, and he watches her breathe slowly in and out again as he massages her chest. In a second though he pushes down her top and his cold hands move around her breasts more fully, his light fingers touching her properly, his arms moving to grasp the whole of her. She groans as his fingers open and her nipples slide between them. Her eyes flutter closed tears springing and flooding her delicate line of eye lashes as he touches her so carefully. He kisses her eyes, moves to her cheek, nuzzles at her lips but again she turns away.
Matthew doesn’t give in. He rolls her breasts in his tight hands, gripping them harder until his body beneath his jeans grows tight at which point he pushes his groin against Evie’s crotch and hears an agonised mumble move from her lips into his ear. As hard as it was, he didn’t speak, or say her name that was rattling in his mind. Instead he drew back his eyes to look into her hurt face. But nothing inside him told him to stop. He wanted so badly to reach down, lace his fingers with hers and draw her arms up around his neck lovingly, but instead her arms sat straight down either side of her body. Contact wasn’t an issue in this way, not today, not anymore. This was about something other than love.
Pushing his hands round her waist roughly, he moves her top up and his palms flood her back. Instinctively, he crawls into her shorts and pushes the material down until the waistband is half way across her crotch. Gathering her up in his hands, Matt pulls her up against his hard length for a second, lifting her off the ground, holding her body, taking her weight and forcing their bodies together. She places her head tiredly against his chest, her head rolling and Matt nuzzles at her golden hair. And for the first time, he believed what Dom had said last night.
...to be continued
Disclaimer: I do not nor have i ever owned or had anything to do with LOST or the actors/actresses associated. this is purely on a fictional basis.
Emi
Another World - Chapter 14
If she thought it would change the way she was feeling, she wouldn’t have snapped the top of her computer down, run to her bed, slipped between the cold damn sheets, turned off the night lamp and closed her eyes tightly. She wouldn’t have tried to stop them dithering and give away that she was still awake if it would change anything about the way she was feeling.
“Eve.” He whispered. She held her breath still, hoping he would just slip back down the stairs out the front door and back to where ever it was he had come from. “Eve, you awake?” he said sliding further into the room, dropping something and then coming closer to their bed. Had he seen the glow from the laptop and figured out she was pretending to sleep, even at this hour? The bed tilted on his side. He leant across the mattress and touched her head softly, placing his fingers against the clean waves in her hair, which was scraped back in an untidy ponytail, his fingers melting into the colour. He admired her as she slept and sighed deeply. She contemplated facing him, but felt the rise of tears already threatening her. “Sweet dreams then.” He said flatly and clambered off the bed trundling downstairs.
Fractures were appearing in their relationship. Dom had seen them coming when they were tiny ones just starting to appear at the edges. Now he couldn’t see her for all of the horrific scars ripped through their relationship. But he didn’t know or understand why?
Evie sighed and rolled her face deeper into her pillow. She inhaled deeply, hoping for Matthew’s scent to return, even after all these weeks. A few months ago and she was changing her bed and washing the sheets more often than she could count desperate to cling to his scent, but wary of the strong sexual fragrance their hot bodies were leaving behind after each erotic encounter. She begged now for her tears to disappear because she simply couldn’t risk them anymore. Even Dom was beginning to recognise the similar pattern of her dull face appearing every single day as she rose, and every night when he came home late, wanting everything she wasn’t prepared to offer.
Dom slunk down into his excuse for a sofa. He pressed his head into his hand, weary after a few pints. He knew what he had to do, he thought to himself, he just had to actually do it. Things were changing, things were really changing and he had to face up to that now. His eyes closed before he could stop them but by now he was used to sleeping on the couch. Night after night he had crawled in at some ungodly hour, Evie already asleep upstairs since she had moved in after the house fire. He wasn’t sure anymore whether she was going to bed earlier to avoid him, or he was finding excuses to go and stay out later. Either way, things were no longer as right as they once were. How long was it going to be before they realised it consciously? How long was it before the media told them their relationship was over?
* * *
Matt turned on his side, his body heavy to move at this hour. It was as if sleep was granted only to his limbs, his mind would never be allowed to rest ever again. Ridden with guilt and a burning inside of him, Matt rose and crept out of the bedroom, down the hall and downstairs silently. He slipped into his office, slumped into the chair and rolled it closer to the desk where he laid his head on the cool wood. He remembered the touch of her lips like it was yesterday. Except when he tried to picture her face, it was a dark blur. He could just about imagine the way his hands used to fit around her shoulders, his fingers tight around her arms, even his fist in her hair, but the colour of her eyes, the exact colour he was struggling to find. Just like he couldn’t remember the sparkle her face contained when they saw each other, when they met up together, when their bodies touched, bare and throbbing. Everything was disappearing. Matt knew that if Evie was happier, then he would be too. But since tonight, he knew for a fact that she wasn’t either.
~ Earlier that evening ~
The summer evening was burning hot. Even air conditioning wasn’t curing the sweat that was pouring down the sides of Matt’s face. The kids were outside still in the pool. It was past their bedtime and it had been for a while. But he knew they weren’t going to sleep in this heat. And it was coming up to the end of term, which was a valid excuse to let them play, considering they were getting on so well today. His wife was clearing up, her body darting between rooms, collecting and tidying like she had a mission to complete. Matt was letting the world rush past him. The screams from outside were beginning to get to him, the heat another thing that was niggling at his level of patience. Startling him, his cell phone rang. The number was withheld. He took the phone to his ear and pressed the green button.
“Y-ello,” he croaked scraping back off his chair and pacing outside. There was a long silence and a prolonged answer by which time Matt was outside and rounding the edge of his white glazed house.
“Hiya mate.” The voice, which he immediately recognised bounced down the line.
“Dom…” Matt said.
A short while later and they were a couple of swallows into their first can of beer each. The sun had settled down into the horizon completely and the view was casting a shadow on the world. The darkness was slowly creeping up on them from behind as they stared out to sea.
“Ahhh- just don’t know anymore.” The guy scratched his hairy chin and then wiped his hand over his face, creasing under the cover of his own fingers. Matt swallowed, the coarse fluid cold making him shiver as it slithered down his gullet. Each swallow was like chewing on fire. Tasteless and full of danger. Matt bit the tip of his tongue until his jaw quivered. What was he supposed to say to this? I’m sure she’ll come round? I’m sure she’s fine. Maybe she’s hormonal, tired, sick and tired. He thought his mind buzzing with anxiety as he tried to prevent Dom from circling round to a topic, which Matt felt would break him in half.
“I just don’t think she loves me the way she used to.”
“Ma-maybe that’s a good thing … you know?” Dom turned to look up at Matt, his body leant over his knees as he thought aloud.
“You think?” Dom questioned, wondering how Evie not being in love with him anymore was a good thing.
“Maybe she’s in love with you in a different, way. Perhaps she’s ready to move on to that next level with you, but doesn’t know how to tell you.” Matt let the lie swivel off his tongue like a suggestion would. He thought only afterwards about how he got all those words out without gagging, stuttering or spitting.
Dom shook his head regretfully.
“She barely talks to me,” he shook desperately, swiping his stubby fingers down the side of the can, dragging the condensation with him. “She wants out man. I know it.” Dom settled back in his chair. Matt remained deathly silent. A high pitched scream dragged out through the quiet, the children playing and laughing. Matt turned back to the house, and then out into the calmer more tranquil sea. Each night he would sit out here when his bed got too much to bear. He would sit and stare out at the calm sea. It looked so much stiller when the cover of darkness protected it. At dusk, the waves roared somewhere below them, carrying out with them all the troubles of the day. Soon to be replaced with hope that the night often brought.
“It’s Evie you know,” Matt said in a hushed voice, his mouth forming the words that he said over and over again in his mind constantly. His tongue fell over the letters in her name, she drew an extra heart beat from him, even her name aroused him. Matt shifted in his seat to face Dom, facing the truth regardless of how painful it was. Dom, after all, was still his friend. He deserved the advice he clearly desperately needed.
But staring into the young guy’s face, Matt realised he couldn’t part with such advice. What could he say that didn’t ruin Dom’s chances, or destroy his own heart. There was no in-between. There was no level ground that wouldn’t leave one of them sinking in quick sand. Sooner or later though, like this, they would both suffocate.
“You should talk to her man,” Matthew explained, holding his beer, feeling his fingers crack around the tin can. He wondered why he hadn’t taken his own advice. The metal bent in his hand slightly, the cold case collapsing in on itself on one side. The sound reverberated, the liquid jolted up one side and frothed slightly.
“You think?”
“If you want to know so badly what’s going on, you have to ask her.” Matt looked up, Dom was unaware of the context thank fully, Matt never intended for him to find out. But he needed to know what Evie wasn’t telling him. Perhaps that would even shed light on what she felt about him, he thought and sipped at his beer.
“That’s gonna take some confidence.” Dom spluttered. “Pass us another.” And Matt dug his hand into the ice and passed his friend another drink. Dominic cracked it open and pulled it to his lips.
* * *
Outside the world’s peace is waiting for Matt and as he exited from his office and the house, he notices how the sky is completely clear all but the odd twinkling star and the bright moon at one end of the sky. Across the sea spun a rippling shadow of silver as the water reflects the night’s sky below Matt’s feet. It had been hours since Dom left, no less confused than when he had arrived. The cool box lay open, the ice had become a bucket of warm water and at the bottom two empty cans had sunk. Matt kicks at the bucket, one-foot then the other, the tapping of his feet getting louder until he swings his leg, hits the ice bucket and the water flies out over the patio. It spreads like a fan turning the concrete a musky grey where it becomes wet. The cans roll out, spinning across the path abruptly, hitting a rough stone and bouncing off in the other direction. Perching on the edge of Dom’s former seat, Matt fell head in hands to an almighty stop. He presses his thumbs into his forehead but nothing would stop the beat of Evie’s name throbbing against the front of his skull. She was unhappy. She was unhappy. She was more than unhappy. She was miserable. Should he do something? Was this his fault? Did she need him still? More than she realised? Just how lonely was she? How far away from loosing it? The thoughts progress into mad scenarios, which left Matt blaming himself and Evie nothing but a white sheet of her former felt. Nothing made sense in that place. Should he do something to stop it, before it was too late?
Across the town somewhere, Dom was curled up next to this woman. His hands on her body, his fingers laced through hers. He was smelling the scent of her hair, he was breathing in the air she wasted. He was waking up to the smell of sleep on her shoulder where Matt revelled to kiss her good morning. He was waking up with the possibilities at his fingertips. Since when did Dom deserve so much? Matt thought about his family inside. And creased. His heart plummets, his mind curses as he asks himself when he earned the right to so much happiness? Was it too late to do something about how he was feeling? Was it too late to change the course of his future? Or would he be forced to live a lie forever?
* * *
Downstairs Dom was snoring. It rattled through the thin walls and floor like a hoover would. Evie pushes herself up, listening for the pattern of snores to pass through the carpet and up to her room. Slipping out of bed she tiptoes across the room and lifts the lid of the computer up. She types in her password silently and wipes her fingers across her face lightly, brushing the possibility of sleep aside. Inside her head thumps as she glides the mouse across the screen and clicks in the various places that her hands knew off by heart. The screen burst into colour and she logged in. Once online she sees immediately the updates that had been posted in the last few minutes since she had been curled up in bed. Her face glows from the lit screen, the only source of light other than the gleaming moon present in the burning nights sky. The messages symbolised just what she had wanted to see and she wastes no time in opening the document. She scans the page, searching for one particular part, skipping the formalities and the conversation that was taking place at the beginning of the text. Her eyes scan the page desperately, rooting for the next part, which she was dying inside to read. Was this her entire future played out in words for her, she thought sadly as she realised what she must look like, what she was doing? Letting her eyes drop for just a second, she imagines Matt walking in right now. His hands sliding underneath her heavy bare thighs that were on the chair, picking up her light body smoothly and walking with her to the bed. He would lay her down and stand back to admire her writhing body. Then he would strip her naked, slowly, sensually, with dark long breaths, his teeth grazing her wet skin, outlining her body carefully. The scratch of his face would be nothing compared to the lull of his fingers.
Dom’s snoring cracks through the silence and Evie focuses on the screen. Neither the fantasy or reality seemed real anymore. She swallows and scrolls down until the familiar words trickle onto the page. Her eyes light up as she begins to read, scanning for details at first, then her name followed by Matt’s. This particular author was brilliant at creating a passion on screen that had Evie craning for more each night. How sad it was that her life came down to this now. Once upon a time she had the real thing touching her in such intimate places it made her sore. Now she was an empty void, the words were what touched her skin at night. The images this writer created where what Evie imagined to be her future, because she knew she had given the reality of Matt’s stern hands up for reasons she could no longer remember.
* * *
Daylight brought sense, thank goodness, to most people.
All except Matt. When the world was waking, he was about to drop.
The tingling in his fingers had taken a few minutes sat on the side of a pavement to cure. His head throbbed though now. The blood was pulsing so furiously he could hardly see straight. On the road in front of him, a car crawled by. The earliest of shoppers rising to get done and home before the heat rose to an exceptional and in most cases, unbearable level. Already Matt could feel the stares growing and so he moved away as smoothly as he could back away from the many eyes.
He follows the path back down towards the sea, which led to his home but stops abruptly when he sees a taxi. Waving his arm loosely, the taxi stops and curls round to him. Matt leans into the window, and watches as the driver flinches.
“I need a favour…” he slurs and snaps open the door, falling rather than sliding into the seat.
* * *
By 9am Dom has sunk from the house, surfing board under his arm, his wet suit half way up his body. In the past, I went with him. Not any more. After nine I know I can slither downstairs and go about my way. Loosing my home was bad enough as most of my belongings went with it. Loosing my privacy was something I would never get over and why I was scouring Hawaii for a new place. The doorbell was what made me jump whilst eating my toast. I lick the jam off my fingers and walk to the door, crunching on the next bite. I falter when Matt is revealed, slumped against the doorframe. I swallow my mouthful whole.
“Matt,” I gulp and step back in my pyjamas. His eyes grow wider as he scans my face, my body, the hand holding my breakfast. I swallow again, my throat dry. It had literally been weeks since we had seen each other, since our eyes had met like this. Once LOST had ended for the season, we had no reason to meet anymore. Movies had us all over America, talk shows and magazines had us moving on different tracks.
“Two hours ago I knew what I was going to say.”
“And now.” I say sharply, my toast still hovering against my lips, sticky and warm. Matt doesn’t answer. I look at his body, wasting away in front of me and wondered how we got to the stage where I held the door for him, but wouldn’t dare let him in.
“Now, now,” he repeated gazing at my face, his eyes searching for something that he would never find in me anymore, “I think I might be sick.” He swallows and I step further back, slightly put off.
“What’s the matter?” I ask nervously, knowing whatever it was, I didn’t want to know, and would be better off if I didn’t. But something about having this man in front of me made me want to hear whatever he had to say. Especially if it meant I could be near him for a second longer.
“Can I come in?” Slowly, I shake my head.
“I don’t think…” I begin, “it’s not a very good idea,” I say looking to the floor worriedly. It was Matt, I think to myself, it’s not like he was going to get angry at me denying him that.
“I’ve been waiting till now to come.” He says surely. “I know he’s gone surfing.” Matt explains cleverly but I still shake my head, my eyes turning out to the drive behind him.
“It’s not that.” I say softly. Apparently weeks weren’t long enough apart, to forget the wave of heat that Matt brought over me when he was ten feet never mind two away from me.
“Evie please.” Matt wishes his voice low and husky.
“Matt, I don’t want you here.” There is a long pause, a dreadful silence that lingers like the smell of rain does after a good downpour.
“Too bad.” Matt mutters, searching for my gaze.
“Excuse me.” And then out of know where Matt begins to speak.
“Dom knows…”
* * *
“He what!” I say closing the door behind Matt who hobbles in and then falls to one side. Instinctively my hands go out and touch his back, my fingers melt into his loose shirt and to his skin. I flinch, feeling at the heat of him before I pull back. Wasn’t this where it all began? A touch, a longing gaze. A kiss? But Matt has stopped. He lets me walk in front of him, his eyes burning into the back of my neck. I push the hair off my face, flicking it out. Did he long to touch me in the same was I did him?
“He was over last night, talking…talking,” Matt collapses into the armchair and places his head carefully back against a pillow, groaning as if he was in agony. “Talking about how much you had changed. You act different. Don’t want to…want to be with him.” I pour him a glass of water and force it into his hand, taking care to not let our fingers brush.
“Did he say anything to you?”
“No, he just thinks you don’t love him anymore.” I stand across from Matt with my arms folded. The coffee table a barrier between us. “Do you?” Matt asks. I look up sharply, a great frown covering my face, which warns Matt off in a severe way. He holds up his hands from the wrists in defence and then lets them flop back down wincing.
Matt blinks as the sun shines in through the window. He holds his hand up to his face, protecting and covering his eyes. He looks exhausted. He’s pale and tired looking. He must have drank enough for three men last night as his skin looks saggy and too big to cover his body. I shift to the other leg, wary of his eyes lingering back on the contours of my face. I look down at myself, turning to the mirror behind me to scrape my fingers through my hair, which I hadn’t brushed yet.
“I know you’re unhappy too.” He says like a statement. I turn back to him, folding my arms more tightly across my chest. I was more and more aware that I was barely dressed.
“What makes you think that?”
“Because of what Dom said.”
“You’re an actor Matt, you should know not to believe everything you hear.” I shuffle around the room back to the kitchen and tip my toast into the bin. The flap rattles against the wood until it comes to a halt. I turn the water on, to fill the silence. The liquid bursts from the silver tap, spluttering and filling the sink.
“Dom said you don’t talk anymore.” He’s risen from his chair, and has wavered into the space that linked the lounge and kitchen. “He says you aren’t the person you used to be.” I move away from the sink turning off the tap. Matt was too close, I could feel his eyes crawling all over me like bugs that itch. I shake out a towel, I fold it neatly, placing the corners together so carefully its perfect.
“He says that you go to bed before he gets home, get up after he’s left.”
“Is there nothing he didn’t tell you?” Evie mutters into the tea towel and Matt falls silent again.
* * *
When she is about to turn round Matt’s hands flatten around her upper arms. She is startled when she feels Matt touch her from behind. But she regretfully moves him off her, shrinking away into the corner of the unit, her arms pushing him away.
“Don’t,” she warns fiercely. Matt holds up his hands and takes a step back.
“Evie,” he says, “are you going to tell him?” Matt asks looking petrified she thinks as she looks up at him. What was it that he wanted? What was it he was after by being here? Confirmation that she wasn’t going to blow their secret. This wasn’t in the rules.
“Of course I’m not going to tell him.” She splutters shaking her head. She brushes her hands through her hair and tucks it behind her ears. Matt eyes lie over her like a blanket. He doesn’t answer until she has finished.
“Are you leaving him?” Evie sighs, shaking her head angrily, her mouth turning.
“I told you I was didn’t I?”
“Yeah, almost two months ago Evangeline.”
“Oh fuck off Matt.” She exclaims and holds her hands on each side of the sink, holding herself up. Matt stops under the archway and turns towards her. What did he say to that?
“I just assumed that…”
“That what? That by now I would be a fully functioning person, with…with another boyfriend and prospects? That what?” she says a sarcastic laugh lying in her throat, “that I would have left Hawaii for the summer in search of something bigger, and a hell of a lot better than what I found here this year?”
“Well clearly you’ve already…” Matt began.
“Well clearly what Matt,” she gestured heatedly, “you thought you’d come here for answers did you? Just fuck off home.” She slurred turning back to the dished Dom had left for her.
Matt didn’t move. It was suddenly like time had stopped still. Nothing else around them was moving, except their hearts kept beating. Their lungs kept asking for air, and their eyes kept blinking. Evie leant against the basin and sighed. She didn’t want to fight. She didn’t want to feel like this anymore either.
“Just so you know, I feel just the same.” As he speaks she closes her eyes, lost within his words. She swallowed down the guilt of leaving him, of shrugging him off, of not allowing him inside the second she saw him. Of loosing perhaps the greatest friendship she had ever had. And for what? Matt turned to leave but stopped when he heard her switch the tap on again.
“If…if you need a place to stay Evi,” she looked up slowly. “You know,” he began, “if you do tell Dom, you wouldn’t have to ask.” He watches carefully as her face flickers with a sadness that had been present in Kate when Jack told her he loved her last season, all those weeks ago now. That he had always loved her. She swallows a tear down, and licks her lips trying to smile gently.
“Thank you.” She whispers. Matt nods his head promisingly and smiles back.
“I’ll see ya,” he says smoothly.
“Matt?” She says softly, drawing up her head, her glistening hair sliding down each side of her face. “Do you need a lift or?” Matt looks towards the hallway contemplating for the first time how he was going to get home. He had left nothing, no note, nothing regarding an explanation for his sudden disappearance. To his family, he had been sucked off the face of the earth. He looked back to Evangeline who had emerged in her pyjamas, her shorts tight to her waist and a flowing top showing off the curves of her beautiful body.
“Erm,” Matt said, looking back to her face. “Are you sure…” he muttered.
“No it’s fine.” Evie says confidently, and reaches for a cloth. “I’ll just nip upstairs and…” she throws the towel onto the couch beside her and heads for the stairs. As she passes Matt though he reaches out and grabs her arm, his fingers folding around her elbow. It was a reflex he thought as his fingers passed against the smooth hairs on her arms, and pressed them down between his skin and hers. “And…” she continues, her voice shaking, “and get…get dressed.” Matt’s hand is so hot against her skin but she doesn’t try and break free this time. Instead she lets him hold her for free, for a second. He reels her close to his side, his face close enough to smell her hair and her light skin. She shudders when he bends his head in close, after a second though she tilts her head away from him, sure that one hand on her arm was enough. Enough for both of them to use as fuel for now.
But Matt was itching for more. Touching her just created a wave of emotion, which crashed over him instantly. The softness of her skin only reminded him of what her entire body felt like when it was pressed up against his. With that thought deep in his mind, he switched hands, grabbed her other arm with his free hand and ran her back into the kitchen, pressing her body neatly against the counter. He forced his body down hers and reached for her mouth. She moved her head to the side, her eyes closing tightly, wincing, avoiding his ripe lips. Instead he melted into her neck, his mouth closing on her warm skin. He heard a groan squeak from her throat. He licks her body and tilts down into her shoulder, his mouth moving in waves. His hands let her go and with a few fingers he scrapes the tiny strap of her top down her arm. Rather than kissing her bare shoulder though, Matt forces her back to arch and kisses her bare chest slipping lower. His mouth opens and closes between her breasts, his tongue seeping out to touch and taste her again. Eagerly, he pulls back, noticing how she wasn’t going to push him away. Turning to catch her eye Matt pushes his hands to her breasts, the material of her pyjamas thankfully thin and forgiving as her nipples harden beneath the touch of his fingers.
Her eyes are sad and wide as she watches his grow with anticipation as his hands sink against her warm breasts again, the mounds fitting perfectly in his lost hands as he rolls her in his palms. Their foreheads come together, and he watches her breathe slowly in and out again as he massages her chest. In a second though he pushes down her top and his cold hands move around her breasts more fully, his light fingers touching her properly, his arms moving to grasp the whole of her. She groans as his fingers open and her nipples slide between them. Her eyes flutter closed tears springing and flooding her delicate line of eye lashes as he touches her so carefully. He kisses her eyes, moves to her cheek, nuzzles at her lips but again she turns away.
Matthew doesn’t give in. He rolls her breasts in his tight hands, gripping them harder until his body beneath his jeans grows tight at which point he pushes his groin against Evie’s crotch and hears an agonised mumble move from her lips into his ear. As hard as it was, he didn’t speak, or say her name that was rattling in his mind. Instead he drew back his eyes to look into her hurt face. But nothing inside him told him to stop. He wanted so badly to reach down, lace his fingers with hers and draw her arms up around his neck lovingly, but instead her arms sat straight down either side of her body. Contact wasn’t an issue in this way, not today, not anymore. This was about something other than love.
Pushing his hands round her waist roughly, he moves her top up and his palms flood her back. Instinctively, he crawls into her shorts and pushes the material down until the waistband is half way across her crotch. Gathering her up in his hands, Matt pulls her up against his hard length for a second, lifting her off the ground, holding her body, taking her weight and forcing their bodies together. She places her head tiredly against his chest, her head rolling and Matt nuzzles at her golden hair. And for the first time, he believed what Dom had said last night.
...to be continued