(no subject)
Disclaimer: i do not own anything to do with LOST,actors/characters.
NC17
Im not sure if ive ever mentioned them before .. but i have these incredible friends who inspire me to write mavie fics (granted most of them are of 'high' rating .. but that's all my doing! :) anyway .. i just wanted to take the time and say thankyou - they certainly know who they are ..
Extra thanks on top of that .. to Shiran for adding her 'one liners' that aspire into massive ideas for me .. and who also should take credit for some of the (better written) lines in this fic .. she's a star! :)
finally .. please enjoy and be sure to comment!!
Another World - continued chapter ..
“Tell me how,” she moans, winding her body forwards to look into his dark face. She holds her hands against the rough dark stubble. She floods her mind with the picture of his sleeping face, and the sounds of his deep husky voice, the way it sounded on her skin, the way it tasted on her lips.
He never speaks again. He wouldn’t, Evie guessed. She smiles at his sincerity. He wasn’t going to ask to screw her like he would any girl, like any man would to any girl. He wasn’t going to break the silence to ask Evie to lie down on the rocks and let the waves of his emotion, of the pressure in his body pour out into her in such a way that would make her ache for days. Let alone scream as his powerful urges filled her core. He wouldn’t ask. But in this world, just because you don’t ask, doesn’t mean you don’t get.
Evangeline continues the motion, she pushes herself off Matt’s limp figure that hangs forwards for more. She spreads her hands on his legs having slipped off the end. She allows only for his hands to hold her hips as she firmly pushes her hands, with all her weight of her body, up his thighs and to his broad hips where his delight pounds and stretches for her to hold and caress him in a way she knew he was desperate for. She leans in and takes his bottom lip between her teeth. At first she suckles gently but as she moves her hand underneath his thumping shaft she feels him push forwards into his mouth and begins to bite down, gnawing at his flesh. Matt’s hands slope into her lower back and urge her back towards his craning cock. She resists for now, and moves only to kiss him on the mouth. Her lips soak into his, but with courage she tears away and kisses his high cheeks and then the rise of his nose. She pushes up her body, his hands falling to her round naked bottom again and holding there as she smothers his forehead with soft petting lips, and kisses that smile him roll his head, sighing for release already.
“You still want me to make love to you,” she whispers against his lower neck, pushing an urgent kiss into his scent. She licks his jaw, her tongue sloping into his mouth, dipping and drawing out quickly. “Slow, and long.” She whispers, drawing something else out of him now.
Her hands move below his raised cock, and between his tight legs that close around her hands as she tries to prise them open, with no effect. She grins at his face as he slides his hands between her buttocks, the warmth bathing the edges of his fingers. “Feel that love Matthew,” she groans trailing her hands up from the hot sweaty join in his legs, up, stroking the entire length of his tingling cock. “Feel that heat.” She says wrapping her hand tightly around his shaft. “You got it,” she moans to him, her face rolling against his, their wide gasping mouths rotating over one another’s each time. Matt reaches his hand between her legs from behind again.
“Hard Matt,” she moans jerking him towards her firmly. Only once, just enough to make his facial expression change dramatically, his body falter and his breath to burst from his lips and into her mouth. She blocks off his lips instantly afterwards, covering his mouth with her own. As if saving his life. “You’re so hard,” she moans, stroking him gently again, holding the length of him with one loose hand, the other turning, her fingers opening and closing over the bulging tip. “Harder Matt,” she urges, her hand clasping tighter, barely noticeable to him, but equally tempting as she slowly sets a rhythm upon his body, in her hands.
Matt folds into her shoulder, smothering her skin with wet kisses. His tongue slides against her wet skin, his groans the result of pleasure running through his veins as Evie jerks his cock against her soft long fingers. She climbs on his lap and the wet, now cold, panties seep on his lap, “touch me Matt. Feel it.” She drives. “You want it,” she temps and taken by surprise, looses her thought as he pushes his fingers directly up into her. Two fingers thumping, fumbling, widening her ready, and for what, Evie thought, he wanted ‘love’…right? He was desperate now, less care in his trembling fingers that crawl through her, touching her walls like he was lost.
“Yeah,” she breaths out into his ear, stands up on her knees, his fingers holding onto her insides. His face grazes her chest. And then his other hand, eager to hold her in every way, touches her breast, the nipple falling between his fingers, twirling, pulled, jaunted against his firm solid movements. His fingers holler inside her, gravity working against them until Evie pulls him down over her, carefully opening her legs without him realising and pulling his cock to her opening. The back of his hand feels his cock so close and he pushes up his body to look at her.
“Take me Matt, anyway you want,” she strokes her opening with his length. “Hard,” she moans into his lips as he persuades her with kisses. Though she wasn’t the one that needed persuading. “Fast.” She moans and guides him between her opening.
Her juices, her swollen opening allows the tip of his cock through, and only then does he have to buck up to her, to push through her, his fingers no match for his actual size, encouraged by Evie’s tempting fingers. She cries out when he bucks into her again. “It’s okay,” she lulls smiling, she holds her hand up to her head holding back a fit of giggles, “it’s more than okay,” she says pulling him down over her, opening her legs wider, pulling back her knees to allow him more of her. To allow his body to settle against her waist, use her for support as he filled her so completely, so completely that it made her groan, her insides twist and her mind thud.
Matt thrusts up inside of her aching body, her walls expanding so slowly, he can almost feel the flesh growing around his cock, and then shuddering as her body realises what is happening. It’s slow at first, a thrust that pushed his growing length further inside of her each time. Drawing out of her now would be like punishment and so he urges deeper, his body craning, crawling against hers, like there was no other way out but through.
Evie holds down his head, holds his face against her neck, expecting nothing other that to feel him pushing down on her. “Don’t stop,” she tells him honestly, when he pauses, realising there was no other way out. Matt draws out of her slowly, carefully, making her wince with his size. He pushes up, lowering his gaze to the join of their red heated bodies. She watches him and smiles at the only man in the world that would be like him, to her at least.
“Don’t stop,” she says into his eyes. “Never stop.” She cries.
He pulls up his hands, his body weighted down on his strong arms as he hovers above her, his mouth pushing out and drawing in air like clockwork. His eyes fall to hers. She seems to settle when their gazes meet, the love grows instantly between them and the ideas that were pounding in her mind about Matthews hard body pinning her down left her mind.
He collapses down onto his elbows, their faces coming so closer, she can hear the tickle of his breath. She could feel the burrow of his length, the deep pounding hardness pushed so deep between her legs, the initial pain had subsided and he was buried, deep. She closes her legs around his back, her hands coming around his back as well. “What is it?” she gasps, “why’ve you stopped?” she whispers, searching his face.
“I’ve never wanted to hurt you,” he explains. Evie smiles.
“You haven’t.” she shakes, her hand coming to his head and stroking back against his soft skin. “You couldn’t…” she begins, smiling that smile that made Matt somehow weaker still.
“I really do just want to make love to you.” He admits, and holds their gaze, watching Evie weigh out whether he was telling the truth. What more did she want exactly?
“In that case…” she begins. But his mouth is already lowering to hers, and the sweet ripe lips of his spread into her mouth like chocolate milk. Stunned, she reacts the only way she knows how and clasps his face with her trembling hands, and kisses him deeply back. The kiss reaches her heart, it momentarily touches her soul as Matt’s lips caress hers so profoundly that their lips seem sewn together when he tries to pull back. She opens her eyes to find Matt’s already open, studying her face, every intricate detail, from the shape of her eyelashes to every freckle on her tanned face. She smiles, embarrassed, shy, reserved as he begins to move inside of her again, their eyes locked together. She nuzzles to kiss him again, but he avoids her, tilting his head to the other side and rising higher within her body so that it makes her arch her back. Their stomach’s touch, the hairs on the back of her neck stand up on edge, and Matt holds his body deep inside of her core.
Her fingers glide against his waist. No particular pattern, just a way of their own. Matt unfolds her legs carefully and lays them flat on the ground, each side of his body. He leans on his elbows, resting them above her shoulders, and watches with admiration as he rolls into her body, every time making her twitch and twist around him.
“Evie,” he nuzzles her face with his lips. She wakens before him and he smiles. “Stay with me,” he mutters, and kisses her forehead deeply, his lips sticking to her salty skin. “Stay with me always,” she hears him moan, bowing his head down on hers.
* * *
The build of up passion was slow, yearning her from the depths of a darkness towards what she could only describe as a possibility of hope that she trusted enough to take her towards where she belonged. Matthew waited, he expanded between her legs, he grew inside of her, but all the same waited and thrust carefully inside of her rhythmically until the burning inside her body built up and the powerful wall collapsed around him. She came, panting and searching in her mind for truth and honesty as to why they couldn’t experience this every day for the rest of their lives. But she found no answers, and before she could gasp for air, the world was murky clear again and she was left cold, beneath his shuddering body that collapsed moments after she had.
He rolls off her, only to gather her quickly up and reach for a blanket to throw over them. She shivers, the darker air drawing in and casting over them what could only be described as doubt.
“You’re cold.” Matthew noticed and hugs her closer still, though the warmth between them had suddenly left. When he looked down to find her answer, he saw and felt the tears, one after the other. He rolls her to her back, and hovers over her again, this time disdain lingering against them both. “What’s the matter Eve?” he asked, brushing away her tears lightly.
For a long time, her cries possess her, and Matthew does the only thing he can, holds her face deep in his body, his fingers spreading beneath her hair and comforts her. His eyes are drifting, he can feel them closing, when she speaks. Her fingers tap his chest lightly.
“Matt, are you awake?” she whispers slightly through the silence.
“Yeah,” he whispers back. The air around them is dark, the daylight sucked from the cave leaving them alone. “Are you okay?” he asked. She hears him move his head down, his chin banging against the top of her head.
“Yeah.” She whispers back.
She wasn’t sure how long since she had felt her body let go, how long ago he had come inside of her and made her feel so alive it scared her. But now, the darkness had become so real that she knew it had been a while. It had made her unusually sleepy, the sex sucking out of her the ability to stay wide-awake for long. She hears him yawn.
“Could I ask you a question?”
“Sure,” he looks down again, rustling her hair with dry kisses. He sighs into her lank strands from the seawater.
“If you had a daughter, what would you call her.” Matt’s eyes widen. “Another daughter.” Evie clarifies.
Matt is aware that the silence makes his answer or his lack of an answer much clearer. Her eye’s search for the words, perhaps they were drifting with her dreams above her head. His words may have been temporarily ripped from his mouth, she thinks, but his fingers are still dwelling in circular shapes on her lower back, his leg is still folded over hers. His body was symbolising their biggest problem, a split world. The mind/body debate.
“I don’t know.” He says clearly, eventually she thinks. “What would you call your daughter?”
“That’s why I was asking you,” she sighs, pushing herself up until she met Matt’s face, their glinting eyes level in the darkness, their lips as close as the rest of their bodies were. She hears him gulp. “It’s all innocent,” I swear, she promises. “Aside from the fact that we do generally have unprotected sex, I trust you and I am most definitely still on the pill.” She hears a sigh, it’s unmistakable. She smiles. Apparently Matthew Fox wasn’t too different from all other men on the planet.
“I don’t mean…” he begins and feels her hand press to his jaw.
“It’s okay,” she persuades. “I was just asking because I don’t know what I’d call her.”
“Well having a baby…”
“I don’t want a lecture…” she warns.
“I’m not giving you one,” he plays and slaps a kiss on her mouth.
“Good.” she swallows, her body relaxing against his again, “aren’t girls supposed to know what they want to call their children. Aren’t they supposed to have had them in their heads since they were children themselves, just bursting with readiness to bring a child into the world.”
Was this rhetorical? Matthew wondered.
“I think…”
“If I don’t have children, get married, again,” she adds nervously, “if I just be me, am I letting myself down?” she speaks aloud, her voice trembling so much that the last few words drift away with the moving tide outside. His fingers hold her tighter, as if clinging to her for something. However, it was she that needed the support. He wished the sun to rise again, so she could see and feel the emotion in his eyes this second. Then again, he realised, his grip loosening, it was only pity he felt for her now. And he never wanted to let her see that. She didn’t deserve it. She deserved so much more. Even from him.
“I think,” he begins, strength within his heart for her alone making him continue as he heard her muffled cries against his arm and against his neck, “I think you would make a wonderful mother. And a beautiful,” he kisses the side of her face, “dedicated, incredible wife.” She swallows down, a mouthful of cries spilling out inside her gut. She wipes the tears from her eyes with her fingers, pushing the water across her cheeks and down from her neck. She didn’t want to spoil this night with yet another one of her impending fears, but it was growing inside of her like a baby itself, the idea that she was never going to get what deep down, she was realising she wanted after all.
Coming to terms with the fact that that wasn’t Matthew’s fault had certainly taken its time. But now, lying in his arms, she realised whose fault it was, and she cried. How could she have been so stupid as to fall for someone, when she knew she wouldn’t escape with her heart intact. Once upon a time ago, she had told someone that working with someone like Matthew Fox, a married man, was a relief. She had lied. And she was paying for that lie.
“Look at me Evie,” she hides her face away, reduced to tears once more. “Evangeline, look at me.”
“No please…” she begs, her face bounding up, the tears in her eyes reflecting into his and making his heart flip inside his body as he watched them spill out down her shining face. “Please don’t call me that.” She begs desperately.
“Wh-why?” he gasps, holding her face now, trying to stop the tears with his own force. Nothing could. She pulled back out of his hands.
“Be-because,” she hiccups, her cries holding her in a whirlwind of sadness, “because whenever you do, it means you are going to let me down…”
NC17
Im not sure if ive ever mentioned them before .. but i have these incredible friends who inspire me to write mavie fics (granted most of them are of 'high' rating .. but that's all my doing! :) anyway .. i just wanted to take the time and say thankyou - they certainly know who they are ..
Extra thanks on top of that .. to Shiran for adding her 'one liners' that aspire into massive ideas for me .. and who also should take credit for some of the (better written) lines in this fic .. she's a star! :)
finally .. please enjoy and be sure to comment!!
Another World - continued chapter ..
“Tell me how,” she moans, winding her body forwards to look into his dark face. She holds her hands against the rough dark stubble. She floods her mind with the picture of his sleeping face, and the sounds of his deep husky voice, the way it sounded on her skin, the way it tasted on her lips.
He never speaks again. He wouldn’t, Evie guessed. She smiles at his sincerity. He wasn’t going to ask to screw her like he would any girl, like any man would to any girl. He wasn’t going to break the silence to ask Evie to lie down on the rocks and let the waves of his emotion, of the pressure in his body pour out into her in such a way that would make her ache for days. Let alone scream as his powerful urges filled her core. He wouldn’t ask. But in this world, just because you don’t ask, doesn’t mean you don’t get.
Evangeline continues the motion, she pushes herself off Matt’s limp figure that hangs forwards for more. She spreads her hands on his legs having slipped off the end. She allows only for his hands to hold her hips as she firmly pushes her hands, with all her weight of her body, up his thighs and to his broad hips where his delight pounds and stretches for her to hold and caress him in a way she knew he was desperate for. She leans in and takes his bottom lip between her teeth. At first she suckles gently but as she moves her hand underneath his thumping shaft she feels him push forwards into his mouth and begins to bite down, gnawing at his flesh. Matt’s hands slope into her lower back and urge her back towards his craning cock. She resists for now, and moves only to kiss him on the mouth. Her lips soak into his, but with courage she tears away and kisses his high cheeks and then the rise of his nose. She pushes up her body, his hands falling to her round naked bottom again and holding there as she smothers his forehead with soft petting lips, and kisses that smile him roll his head, sighing for release already.
“You still want me to make love to you,” she whispers against his lower neck, pushing an urgent kiss into his scent. She licks his jaw, her tongue sloping into his mouth, dipping and drawing out quickly. “Slow, and long.” She whispers, drawing something else out of him now.
Her hands move below his raised cock, and between his tight legs that close around her hands as she tries to prise them open, with no effect. She grins at his face as he slides his hands between her buttocks, the warmth bathing the edges of his fingers. “Feel that love Matthew,” she groans trailing her hands up from the hot sweaty join in his legs, up, stroking the entire length of his tingling cock. “Feel that heat.” She says wrapping her hand tightly around his shaft. “You got it,” she moans to him, her face rolling against his, their wide gasping mouths rotating over one another’s each time. Matt reaches his hand between her legs from behind again.
“Hard Matt,” she moans jerking him towards her firmly. Only once, just enough to make his facial expression change dramatically, his body falter and his breath to burst from his lips and into her mouth. She blocks off his lips instantly afterwards, covering his mouth with her own. As if saving his life. “You’re so hard,” she moans, stroking him gently again, holding the length of him with one loose hand, the other turning, her fingers opening and closing over the bulging tip. “Harder Matt,” she urges, her hand clasping tighter, barely noticeable to him, but equally tempting as she slowly sets a rhythm upon his body, in her hands.
Matt folds into her shoulder, smothering her skin with wet kisses. His tongue slides against her wet skin, his groans the result of pleasure running through his veins as Evie jerks his cock against her soft long fingers. She climbs on his lap and the wet, now cold, panties seep on his lap, “touch me Matt. Feel it.” She drives. “You want it,” she temps and taken by surprise, looses her thought as he pushes his fingers directly up into her. Two fingers thumping, fumbling, widening her ready, and for what, Evie thought, he wanted ‘love’…right? He was desperate now, less care in his trembling fingers that crawl through her, touching her walls like he was lost.
“Yeah,” she breaths out into his ear, stands up on her knees, his fingers holding onto her insides. His face grazes her chest. And then his other hand, eager to hold her in every way, touches her breast, the nipple falling between his fingers, twirling, pulled, jaunted against his firm solid movements. His fingers holler inside her, gravity working against them until Evie pulls him down over her, carefully opening her legs without him realising and pulling his cock to her opening. The back of his hand feels his cock so close and he pushes up his body to look at her.
“Take me Matt, anyway you want,” she strokes her opening with his length. “Hard,” she moans into his lips as he persuades her with kisses. Though she wasn’t the one that needed persuading. “Fast.” She moans and guides him between her opening.
Her juices, her swollen opening allows the tip of his cock through, and only then does he have to buck up to her, to push through her, his fingers no match for his actual size, encouraged by Evie’s tempting fingers. She cries out when he bucks into her again. “It’s okay,” she lulls smiling, she holds her hand up to her head holding back a fit of giggles, “it’s more than okay,” she says pulling him down over her, opening her legs wider, pulling back her knees to allow him more of her. To allow his body to settle against her waist, use her for support as he filled her so completely, so completely that it made her groan, her insides twist and her mind thud.
Matt thrusts up inside of her aching body, her walls expanding so slowly, he can almost feel the flesh growing around his cock, and then shuddering as her body realises what is happening. It’s slow at first, a thrust that pushed his growing length further inside of her each time. Drawing out of her now would be like punishment and so he urges deeper, his body craning, crawling against hers, like there was no other way out but through.
Evie holds down his head, holds his face against her neck, expecting nothing other that to feel him pushing down on her. “Don’t stop,” she tells him honestly, when he pauses, realising there was no other way out. Matt draws out of her slowly, carefully, making her wince with his size. He pushes up, lowering his gaze to the join of their red heated bodies. She watches him and smiles at the only man in the world that would be like him, to her at least.
“Don’t stop,” she says into his eyes. “Never stop.” She cries.
He pulls up his hands, his body weighted down on his strong arms as he hovers above her, his mouth pushing out and drawing in air like clockwork. His eyes fall to hers. She seems to settle when their gazes meet, the love grows instantly between them and the ideas that were pounding in her mind about Matthews hard body pinning her down left her mind.
He collapses down onto his elbows, their faces coming so closer, she can hear the tickle of his breath. She could feel the burrow of his length, the deep pounding hardness pushed so deep between her legs, the initial pain had subsided and he was buried, deep. She closes her legs around his back, her hands coming around his back as well. “What is it?” she gasps, “why’ve you stopped?” she whispers, searching his face.
“I’ve never wanted to hurt you,” he explains. Evie smiles.
“You haven’t.” she shakes, her hand coming to his head and stroking back against his soft skin. “You couldn’t…” she begins, smiling that smile that made Matt somehow weaker still.
“I really do just want to make love to you.” He admits, and holds their gaze, watching Evie weigh out whether he was telling the truth. What more did she want exactly?
“In that case…” she begins. But his mouth is already lowering to hers, and the sweet ripe lips of his spread into her mouth like chocolate milk. Stunned, she reacts the only way she knows how and clasps his face with her trembling hands, and kisses him deeply back. The kiss reaches her heart, it momentarily touches her soul as Matt’s lips caress hers so profoundly that their lips seem sewn together when he tries to pull back. She opens her eyes to find Matt’s already open, studying her face, every intricate detail, from the shape of her eyelashes to every freckle on her tanned face. She smiles, embarrassed, shy, reserved as he begins to move inside of her again, their eyes locked together. She nuzzles to kiss him again, but he avoids her, tilting his head to the other side and rising higher within her body so that it makes her arch her back. Their stomach’s touch, the hairs on the back of her neck stand up on edge, and Matt holds his body deep inside of her core.
Her fingers glide against his waist. No particular pattern, just a way of their own. Matt unfolds her legs carefully and lays them flat on the ground, each side of his body. He leans on his elbows, resting them above her shoulders, and watches with admiration as he rolls into her body, every time making her twitch and twist around him.
“Evie,” he nuzzles her face with his lips. She wakens before him and he smiles. “Stay with me,” he mutters, and kisses her forehead deeply, his lips sticking to her salty skin. “Stay with me always,” she hears him moan, bowing his head down on hers.
* * *
The build of up passion was slow, yearning her from the depths of a darkness towards what she could only describe as a possibility of hope that she trusted enough to take her towards where she belonged. Matthew waited, he expanded between her legs, he grew inside of her, but all the same waited and thrust carefully inside of her rhythmically until the burning inside her body built up and the powerful wall collapsed around him. She came, panting and searching in her mind for truth and honesty as to why they couldn’t experience this every day for the rest of their lives. But she found no answers, and before she could gasp for air, the world was murky clear again and she was left cold, beneath his shuddering body that collapsed moments after she had.
He rolls off her, only to gather her quickly up and reach for a blanket to throw over them. She shivers, the darker air drawing in and casting over them what could only be described as doubt.
“You’re cold.” Matthew noticed and hugs her closer still, though the warmth between them had suddenly left. When he looked down to find her answer, he saw and felt the tears, one after the other. He rolls her to her back, and hovers over her again, this time disdain lingering against them both. “What’s the matter Eve?” he asked, brushing away her tears lightly.
For a long time, her cries possess her, and Matthew does the only thing he can, holds her face deep in his body, his fingers spreading beneath her hair and comforts her. His eyes are drifting, he can feel them closing, when she speaks. Her fingers tap his chest lightly.
“Matt, are you awake?” she whispers slightly through the silence.
“Yeah,” he whispers back. The air around them is dark, the daylight sucked from the cave leaving them alone. “Are you okay?” he asked. She hears him move his head down, his chin banging against the top of her head.
“Yeah.” She whispers back.
She wasn’t sure how long since she had felt her body let go, how long ago he had come inside of her and made her feel so alive it scared her. But now, the darkness had become so real that she knew it had been a while. It had made her unusually sleepy, the sex sucking out of her the ability to stay wide-awake for long. She hears him yawn.
“Could I ask you a question?”
“Sure,” he looks down again, rustling her hair with dry kisses. He sighs into her lank strands from the seawater.
“If you had a daughter, what would you call her.” Matt’s eyes widen. “Another daughter.” Evie clarifies.
Matt is aware that the silence makes his answer or his lack of an answer much clearer. Her eye’s search for the words, perhaps they were drifting with her dreams above her head. His words may have been temporarily ripped from his mouth, she thinks, but his fingers are still dwelling in circular shapes on her lower back, his leg is still folded over hers. His body was symbolising their biggest problem, a split world. The mind/body debate.
“I don’t know.” He says clearly, eventually she thinks. “What would you call your daughter?”
“That’s why I was asking you,” she sighs, pushing herself up until she met Matt’s face, their glinting eyes level in the darkness, their lips as close as the rest of their bodies were. She hears him gulp. “It’s all innocent,” I swear, she promises. “Aside from the fact that we do generally have unprotected sex, I trust you and I am most definitely still on the pill.” She hears a sigh, it’s unmistakable. She smiles. Apparently Matthew Fox wasn’t too different from all other men on the planet.
“I don’t mean…” he begins and feels her hand press to his jaw.
“It’s okay,” she persuades. “I was just asking because I don’t know what I’d call her.”
“Well having a baby…”
“I don’t want a lecture…” she warns.
“I’m not giving you one,” he plays and slaps a kiss on her mouth.
“Good.” she swallows, her body relaxing against his again, “aren’t girls supposed to know what they want to call their children. Aren’t they supposed to have had them in their heads since they were children themselves, just bursting with readiness to bring a child into the world.”
Was this rhetorical? Matthew wondered.
“I think…”
“If I don’t have children, get married, again,” she adds nervously, “if I just be me, am I letting myself down?” she speaks aloud, her voice trembling so much that the last few words drift away with the moving tide outside. His fingers hold her tighter, as if clinging to her for something. However, it was she that needed the support. He wished the sun to rise again, so she could see and feel the emotion in his eyes this second. Then again, he realised, his grip loosening, it was only pity he felt for her now. And he never wanted to let her see that. She didn’t deserve it. She deserved so much more. Even from him.
“I think,” he begins, strength within his heart for her alone making him continue as he heard her muffled cries against his arm and against his neck, “I think you would make a wonderful mother. And a beautiful,” he kisses the side of her face, “dedicated, incredible wife.” She swallows down, a mouthful of cries spilling out inside her gut. She wipes the tears from her eyes with her fingers, pushing the water across her cheeks and down from her neck. She didn’t want to spoil this night with yet another one of her impending fears, but it was growing inside of her like a baby itself, the idea that she was never going to get what deep down, she was realising she wanted after all.
Coming to terms with the fact that that wasn’t Matthew’s fault had certainly taken its time. But now, lying in his arms, she realised whose fault it was, and she cried. How could she have been so stupid as to fall for someone, when she knew she wouldn’t escape with her heart intact. Once upon a time ago, she had told someone that working with someone like Matthew Fox, a married man, was a relief. She had lied. And she was paying for that lie.
“Look at me Evie,” she hides her face away, reduced to tears once more. “Evangeline, look at me.”
“No please…” she begs, her face bounding up, the tears in her eyes reflecting into his and making his heart flip inside his body as he watched them spill out down her shining face. “Please don’t call me that.” She begs desperately.
“Wh-why?” he gasps, holding her face now, trying to stop the tears with his own force. Nothing could. She pulled back out of his hands.
“Be-because,” she hiccups, her cries holding her in a whirlwind of sadness, “because whenever you do, it means you are going to let me down…”