Why? Because I can.
Quotes from
Ace Ventura: Pet Detective (1994)
Melissa: Hi, I'm Melissa Robinson.
Ace Ventura: Pleasure to meet you.
Melissa: Did you have any trouble getting in?
Ace Ventura: No, the guy with the rubber glove was surprisingly gentle.
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Ace Ventura: Alrighty then.
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Marino: Hey Ace, got anymore of that gum?
Ace Ventura: That's none of your damn business and I'll thank you to stay out of my personal affairs.
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Ace Ventura: If I'm not back in five minutes... just wait longer!
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Mrs. Finkle: If he had held the ball laces out like he's supposed to, Ray would never have missed that kick. Dan Marino should die of gonorrhea and rot in hell!
----------------
Ace Ventura: I have a package for you, sir.
Man: Sounds broken.
Ace Ventura: Most likely; I bet it was something nice, though!
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Ace Ventura: Yo, Ron! Where's the bathroom?
Ronald Camp: Right over there.
Ace Ventura: [groaning] I think it's the pate. Stuff probably looks better on the way out!
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Ace Ventura: Do not, go in there!
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Ronald Camp: I'll have the plumbing checked immediately, Mr. Ace.
Ace Ventura: See that you do. If I'd been drinking out of the toilet, I might've been killed.
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Aguado: Homicide, Ventura, now how ya gonna solve that one?
Ace Ventura: Good question, Aguado. First, I'd establish a motive. The killer saw the size of the bug's DICK and become insanely jealous. Then I'd lose 30 pounds... PORKIN' his wife!
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[Ace Ventura is trying to get his car started, while looking at somebody smashing it with a bat in his mirror]
Ace Ventura: Warning! Assholes are closer than they appear!
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[Ace Ventura just got his car started]
Ace Ventura: It's ALIVE. IT'S ALIVE!
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Ace Ventura: I just visited Ray Finkle's place.
Melissa: And?
Ace Ventura: Cozy, if you're Hannibal Lecter.
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Melissa: You know, you're just mad because your stupid little pebble theory didn't work out and you don't know how to express your anger.
Ace Ventura: Oh yeah? And you're ugly.
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Lois Einhorn: Listen, pet dick. How would you like me to make your life a living hell?
Ace Ventura: Well, I'm not really ready for a relationship, Lois, but thank you for asking. Hey, maybe I'll give you a call sometime. Your number's still 911? All righty then.
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Woman: You really do love animals, don't you?
Ace Ventura: Only if it gets cold enough.
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Ace Ventura: I'm looking for Ray Finkle.
[A shotgun cocks and is pointed at his head.]
Ace Ventura: ...and a clean pair of shorts.
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Ace Ventura: Pet Detective (1994)
Melissa: Hi, I'm Melissa Robinson.
Ace Ventura: Pleasure to meet you.
Melissa: Did you have any trouble getting in?
Ace Ventura: No, the guy with the rubber glove was surprisingly gentle.
--------------
Ace Ventura: Alrighty then.
------------------
Marino: Hey Ace, got anymore of that gum?
Ace Ventura: That's none of your damn business and I'll thank you to stay out of my personal affairs.
--------------------
Ace Ventura: If I'm not back in five minutes... just wait longer!
---------------------
Mrs. Finkle: If he had held the ball laces out like he's supposed to, Ray would never have missed that kick. Dan Marino should die of gonorrhea and rot in hell!
----------------
Ace Ventura: I have a package for you, sir.
Man: Sounds broken.
Ace Ventura: Most likely; I bet it was something nice, though!
----------------
Ace Ventura: Yo, Ron! Where's the bathroom?
Ronald Camp: Right over there.
Ace Ventura: [groaning] I think it's the pate. Stuff probably looks better on the way out!
---------------------
Ace Ventura: Do not, go in there!
-------------------------
Ronald Camp: I'll have the plumbing checked immediately, Mr. Ace.
Ace Ventura: See that you do. If I'd been drinking out of the toilet, I might've been killed.
----------------
Aguado: Homicide, Ventura, now how ya gonna solve that one?
Ace Ventura: Good question, Aguado. First, I'd establish a motive. The killer saw the size of the bug's DICK and become insanely jealous. Then I'd lose 30 pounds... PORKIN' his wife!
--------------------
[Ace Ventura is trying to get his car started, while looking at somebody smashing it with a bat in his mirror]
Ace Ventura: Warning! Assholes are closer than they appear!
--------------------
[Ace Ventura just got his car started]
Ace Ventura: It's ALIVE. IT'S ALIVE!
------------------------
Ace Ventura: I just visited Ray Finkle's place.
Melissa: And?
Ace Ventura: Cozy, if you're Hannibal Lecter.
---------------------------
Melissa: You know, you're just mad because your stupid little pebble theory didn't work out and you don't know how to express your anger.
Ace Ventura: Oh yeah? And you're ugly.
--------------------------
Lois Einhorn: Listen, pet dick. How would you like me to make your life a living hell?
Ace Ventura: Well, I'm not really ready for a relationship, Lois, but thank you for asking. Hey, maybe I'll give you a call sometime. Your number's still 911? All righty then.
--------------------------------
Woman: You really do love animals, don't you?
Ace Ventura: Only if it gets cold enough.
----------------------------
Ace Ventura: I'm looking for Ray Finkle.
[A shotgun cocks and is pointed at his head.]
Ace Ventura: ...and a clean pair of shorts.
-----------------------------