remember kids its down the road not across the street ...
well its been quite some time since the last time i have taken the time to write in my beloved journal. times have been rough for me lately at home well lets not considerate it a home lets call it my dwelling, place of rest, habitat if you will and especially school. the kids at my school are just ruthless they think that because i listen to different music, dress differently and at times feel the need to cut my skin to let off some of my anger i hold inside, and they see the scars and label me as -different-. somtimes i wish they could understand all the shit i go through each and every waking moment of my life. i never had a mother to tuck mein at night, or a father to go fishing with or yell at me for my skirt being to short all iv`e ever had are some foster parents that abuse me and neglect me as much as they can giving me barely enough food to live on they only keep me around because they recieve money monthly from the state. once i hit eightteen iam long gone iam gonna forget my past and make a future for myself that i can be proud of with out the use of drugs, obsessive drinking, and the act of love with out acutually expieriancing the true feeling. At school i am taunted rediculed physically abused by the jocks because they see me as different from how they consider the perfect human being. but really what is perfection? i do not believe such a thing is possible in the type of world we live in every one has his or her own faults. everyone is different and should be accepted for who they are,no one should be shuned from the light and pushed into a life of darkness and lonliness. Some nights I sit alone and wonder what it'd be like to be "normal" or what the world would consider "normal". To be able to get up in the morning and not have that aching pain in your stomach from the hurt of my own life the pains you go through daily and the memories that just dont die. To be able to go through the day with REAL smiles, instead of always those fakes ones. How different would it be if people actually understand the pain that we go through? see things from our own perspective it would change so many views people have on one another. If they could see past the cuts and scars on our bodies, that seem to draw their attention.people cut their skin to let go of their anger it relives them of their pain they feel they must inflict self mutilation to let go of the anger building up inside them. What would it be like to go to sleep without crying once through out the day not shedding a tear..? Without having to run to the bathroom during a class because you remembered all the horrid things that have happened to you in the past again the memories just do not fade? Or even not having to go home one day because you just can't take the feelings inside you they continue to build up inside you and you have no one to talk them out with. all some people crave is a friend someone who they know will always be there for them thru thick and thin oh how so many people take that for granted.. How come society calls us freaks? Or come to the conclusion that it's all for attention? If only they could feel the pain we feel inside, day after day, night after night -- and feel the razor blade caress their skin so gentle and soft and tear away at the sorrows in their life? .... Don't give me any shit because I know what I feel, and I don't need to to tell me different..
Emery
Emery