So Sis had a bad day
She's been feeling really stressed lately because she's tired of feeling completely crappy all of the time. She feels like she can't just chalk it all up to having fibromyalgia, and had the doctor order a bunch of tests to check for other diseases like Sjogren's, Lupus, and rheumatoid arthritis, among others. She is pretty sure she has Sjogren's, an auto-immune disorder similar to lupus, but we can't be sure until the lab results come back. So she went to the clinic to get her blood drawn and x-rays of her hands taken (because that's generally where RA shows up first). That's when she ran into her first problem.
In order to get care at the county clinic, you need to have what they call a Gold Card. Basically, you go through the process of submitting an application and proving that you're not making enough to afford healthcare on your own. Then they issue you this card and you get medical care and medications at a severe discount ($3 per clinic visit, and $8 or $10 for meds). However, she let hers lapse due to the fact that she had her godfather die at the beginning of the month when she should have been working on her application, which is understandable but still not good. They told her that in order to get her labs done, she needed to pay $76 for the visit. We don't have $76 to spend like that. Last year, the clinic would just put the charge on your account, and then when you got your card renewed, they would retroactively discharge the fees. Now they're not doing that in order to save money - because they upgraded their system to one where they use an infrared scanner to identify you via your hand veins. I don't think we REALLY needed that. So she had to skip getting her tests done and will have to wait a few more weeks before being able to go back and get it done. It's not a huge deal, but it's incredibly frustrating for her, since she just wants to know what the fuck is going on with her body. I felt that way with my headaches, so I completely understand*.
She came home for a few minutes before deciding to go to the store to pick up drinks, ice (we don't use our icemaker because our water tastes hideous, so we buy bags from the store), and toilet paper. She decided to go to Walmart instead Walgreens for whatever reason. After a little while she called me angry and upset. It seemed that she had locked her keys in her car. Actually, she had left the keys in the ignition, too. The problem with driving while feeling crappy and feeling really frustrated, angry, and upset. Mom has the spare key, but she was at work and couldn't leave. And since I don't have a car, or any transportation of any kind, I couldn't help her. Mom suggested calling a cab, but as we live out in the sub-suburbs, there aren't any cab companies anywhere nearby. I suggested she call a locksmith. So she did. (Remember, all this while she's already had all of the groceries bought and they're just sitting there getting warm.) He finally arrived and walked up to the car. He pulled the car handle just to see, and it opened. The car wasn't locked. The guy still had to charge her $50 for the trip, but at least gave her his number and said that if she needed his services again, he'd give her half-off since he hadn't actually done anything for her this time.
She came home looking defeated. I told her to just go and rest and not worry about the rest of the day. I feel so bad for her. Then again, there are things she does that can cause situations like she had today. She's horrible about planning ahead. She's also in a bad habit of locking the car with the interior door button and then closing the door instead of using the key fob. It's easy to lock your keys in the car when you don't use them to lock the car in the first place. Still, I decided not to tell her any of that, and just be comforting, understanding sister. She seemed almost surprised that I wasn't trying to give her advice on how to not get into a similar situation in the future. I figured that it wasn't the time. I'm slowly learning how to not annoy her so much. PROGRESS!
In other news, I'm now on the downward slope after a lovely hypomanic peak. For the last few days, I've been feeling happy, and perky, and full of energy. Unfortunately, that never lasts, and is always followed by a crash. Last night, we were kind of scrounging for food. Mom was sweet and cooked me the last of the fish sticks. I hadn't eaten all day, so I was uncoordinated and jittery. As I was picking up the plate to go upstairs, my hand just opened and everything fell to the floor. I lost it. I started yelling that things were just WRONG and then started cursing a blue streak when I burned my finger on one of the super-hot fish sticks when I was trying to pick them up off the floor. I ended up breaking down in tears. Mom took pity on me and ordered us pizza. I really hate when I get all unstable like that. Things are better today, but I'm in that depression funk where I just can't really get up the energy to give a crap about anything. Or even enough energy to stay awake, really.
I had the most god-awful nightmare earlier (afternoonmare?). My first boyfriend, Josh, had sneaked into the back yard of the house I grew up in and was using my pool without permission. I was the age I am now, which meant I hadn't seen him in over a decade. So it was very weird and wrong that he'd be using the pool. I confronted him and told him to get off our property. He got incredibly angry and started yelling and chasing me around the house. I tried to hide, but he kept finding me. At one point he grabbed me by the forearm so hard that he ended up leaving bruises. And I couldn't get 911 on the phone no matter how many times I called - it just went to voicemail, "Please leave a message and we'll get back to you when we can." SO HELPFUL, 911. It got weird(er) after that, where a drum and bugle corp ended up driving him off the property. The thing is, I've actually SEEN that side of Josh before. We had a fight one time, toward the end of our relationship, where he got so mad at me that I decided to call Mom to come and pick me up from his place. He grabbed the phone out of my hand by grabbing my wrist with one hand and jerking the phone out of my grasp with the other. He then threw the phone against the wall so hard it smashed the phone and cracked the plate around the light switch. He scared the shit out of me. I can only figure that my brain used that fight in a general night terror way (though it smacked of elements of trying to hide from Dad and having nowhere good to go where he couldn't find me). And I'm thinking that the drum corp was Chris protecting me (my second boyfriend, who I met about a year and a half after I ended it with Josh, and who was a member of Longhorn Band and was completely into drum corps) from all of that bad stuff that happened. He was there when I first started remembering all of the abuse I suffered from Dad, and he did his best to comfort and protect me from the memories. Still, it was one of those dreams where you wake up and shake your head vigorously, hoping to scramble the neurotransmitters around enough that you won't continue the same dream when you fall back asleep.
Finally, it is SO FREAKING HOT OMG I'M DYING here. This morning at 11:30, it was already 92 with a heat index of 101. Currently (at 7:45p) it's still 95 with a heat index of 105. And it's just going to get worse over the week. They're forecasting 102 for a high on Friday, which means heat indices in the 110-115 range. ICK.
*Speaking of, I saw ENT for my follow up last Weds. My headaches are now fewer and less severe, and I am THRILLED. The attending that was on my case said that everything looks great and they don't need to see me anymore. I am so glad that I was right about the ethmoid nerve syndrome and I was able to find doctors who went along with my crazy theory.
In order to get care at the county clinic, you need to have what they call a Gold Card. Basically, you go through the process of submitting an application and proving that you're not making enough to afford healthcare on your own. Then they issue you this card and you get medical care and medications at a severe discount ($3 per clinic visit, and $8 or $10 for meds). However, she let hers lapse due to the fact that she had her godfather die at the beginning of the month when she should have been working on her application, which is understandable but still not good. They told her that in order to get her labs done, she needed to pay $76 for the visit. We don't have $76 to spend like that. Last year, the clinic would just put the charge on your account, and then when you got your card renewed, they would retroactively discharge the fees. Now they're not doing that in order to save money - because they upgraded their system to one where they use an infrared scanner to identify you via your hand veins. I don't think we REALLY needed that. So she had to skip getting her tests done and will have to wait a few more weeks before being able to go back and get it done. It's not a huge deal, but it's incredibly frustrating for her, since she just wants to know what the fuck is going on with her body. I felt that way with my headaches, so I completely understand*.
She came home for a few minutes before deciding to go to the store to pick up drinks, ice (we don't use our icemaker because our water tastes hideous, so we buy bags from the store), and toilet paper. She decided to go to Walmart instead Walgreens for whatever reason. After a little while she called me angry and upset. It seemed that she had locked her keys in her car. Actually, she had left the keys in the ignition, too. The problem with driving while feeling crappy and feeling really frustrated, angry, and upset. Mom has the spare key, but she was at work and couldn't leave. And since I don't have a car, or any transportation of any kind, I couldn't help her. Mom suggested calling a cab, but as we live out in the sub-suburbs, there aren't any cab companies anywhere nearby. I suggested she call a locksmith. So she did. (Remember, all this while she's already had all of the groceries bought and they're just sitting there getting warm.) He finally arrived and walked up to the car. He pulled the car handle just to see, and it opened. The car wasn't locked. The guy still had to charge her $50 for the trip, but at least gave her his number and said that if she needed his services again, he'd give her half-off since he hadn't actually done anything for her this time.
She came home looking defeated. I told her to just go and rest and not worry about the rest of the day. I feel so bad for her. Then again, there are things she does that can cause situations like she had today. She's horrible about planning ahead. She's also in a bad habit of locking the car with the interior door button and then closing the door instead of using the key fob. It's easy to lock your keys in the car when you don't use them to lock the car in the first place. Still, I decided not to tell her any of that, and just be comforting, understanding sister. She seemed almost surprised that I wasn't trying to give her advice on how to not get into a similar situation in the future. I figured that it wasn't the time. I'm slowly learning how to not annoy her so much. PROGRESS!
In other news, I'm now on the downward slope after a lovely hypomanic peak. For the last few days, I've been feeling happy, and perky, and full of energy. Unfortunately, that never lasts, and is always followed by a crash. Last night, we were kind of scrounging for food. Mom was sweet and cooked me the last of the fish sticks. I hadn't eaten all day, so I was uncoordinated and jittery. As I was picking up the plate to go upstairs, my hand just opened and everything fell to the floor. I lost it. I started yelling that things were just WRONG and then started cursing a blue streak when I burned my finger on one of the super-hot fish sticks when I was trying to pick them up off the floor. I ended up breaking down in tears. Mom took pity on me and ordered us pizza. I really hate when I get all unstable like that. Things are better today, but I'm in that depression funk where I just can't really get up the energy to give a crap about anything. Or even enough energy to stay awake, really.
I had the most god-awful nightmare earlier (afternoonmare?). My first boyfriend, Josh, had sneaked into the back yard of the house I grew up in and was using my pool without permission. I was the age I am now, which meant I hadn't seen him in over a decade. So it was very weird and wrong that he'd be using the pool. I confronted him and told him to get off our property. He got incredibly angry and started yelling and chasing me around the house. I tried to hide, but he kept finding me. At one point he grabbed me by the forearm so hard that he ended up leaving bruises. And I couldn't get 911 on the phone no matter how many times I called - it just went to voicemail, "Please leave a message and we'll get back to you when we can." SO HELPFUL, 911. It got weird(er) after that, where a drum and bugle corp ended up driving him off the property. The thing is, I've actually SEEN that side of Josh before. We had a fight one time, toward the end of our relationship, where he got so mad at me that I decided to call Mom to come and pick me up from his place. He grabbed the phone out of my hand by grabbing my wrist with one hand and jerking the phone out of my grasp with the other. He then threw the phone against the wall so hard it smashed the phone and cracked the plate around the light switch. He scared the shit out of me. I can only figure that my brain used that fight in a general night terror way (though it smacked of elements of trying to hide from Dad and having nowhere good to go where he couldn't find me). And I'm thinking that the drum corp was Chris protecting me (my second boyfriend, who I met about a year and a half after I ended it with Josh, and who was a member of Longhorn Band and was completely into drum corps) from all of that bad stuff that happened. He was there when I first started remembering all of the abuse I suffered from Dad, and he did his best to comfort and protect me from the memories. Still, it was one of those dreams where you wake up and shake your head vigorously, hoping to scramble the neurotransmitters around enough that you won't continue the same dream when you fall back asleep.
Finally, it is SO FREAKING HOT OMG I'M DYING here. This morning at 11:30, it was already 92 with a heat index of 101. Currently (at 7:45p) it's still 95 with a heat index of 105. And it's just going to get worse over the week. They're forecasting 102 for a high on Friday, which means heat indices in the 110-115 range. ICK.
*Speaking of, I saw ENT for my follow up last Weds. My headaches are now fewer and less severe, and I am THRILLED. The attending that was on my case said that everything looks great and they don't need to see me anymore. I am so glad that I was right about the ethmoid nerve syndrome and I was able to find doctors who went along with my crazy theory.