steam

Sep 13, 2006 23:20

Rut there are just times when you feel like you need to express yourself and there is no better place to do it then journal...
life is insane right now.. I feel overwhelmed, and exhausted.. And it’s only the second week of school... I feel like I’m in a rut, and quite frankly I’m not happy with this rut. Nevertheless I’m happy with life as a whole, just not this particular portion.
I feel more or less, like I’m doing doing doing, and constantly sacrificing ME TIME for everyone else… its rough when you cant remember the last time you just sat alone and thought about everything… I need that right now… everything is just cluttered, my room, my car, my schedule, my job, my love life, and my thoughts.  I’m 17; I am not suppose to be this stressed out.
Boys are complicated creatures. They never seize to amaze me. Or piss me off for that matter. This time of year brought back familiar memories of Eric, this being the time we got together last year… and I miss him. Mostly I miss having someone around… who I could talk to all the time, who I could have fun with, and who I could just relax with. I know things ended for the better with us… But I have yet to find a steady new guy… And I’m getting impatient cause it’s been year… but the more I talk to people the more I realize I’m young, and there is no need to settle down, or settle at all. I cant wait for “the person” cause he’s out there… I know…
Thank GOD for friends though. Amanda has been a saint to me. I know she was sent to me for a reason… I cant explain how our relationship is… but that’s all I now; it is… she understands me, and knows the real me… there isn’t the drama that has occurred in other relationship… no jealousy, no betrayal. Just us, and that it refreshing.
When I look at my life in perspective of how it was a year ago, I’m happy to see myself grown-up. Where I was last year was bad. I was full of resentment and disrespect for my parents, and I took that out on them. I was on a slow downward spiral… and it was the best thing that’s ever happen to me.  But, like they always do, they never gave up. in turn I realized that I never need to be that way with them. There is NO reason why I should ever have to lie to them about my everyday life… They pulled me closer and held on with everything they had… and I’m changed… I gain back their trust and turned into the person I want to be. yay.
Sorry if this was boring… like I said I needed to get it out… with all that said i'm gonna pull myself out of this rut, and make the best of every day...
I’m going to study, then sleep..  
Much love <3
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