the speakers are shaking. why do i hear you okay?

[emerleez]

so i started cleaning my basement and bedroom because i wanted to do something but everyone is far away and i have homework but it's still sunny out. i found so many things that i totally forgot about and it made me really happy and want to cry for no reason and hug everyone i've ever known in my life and thank them just for existing whether they've greatly influenced me or not or whether or not i still feel the same about them or my feelings now juxtaposed to my feelings then have evolved entirely and question everything that's happened in the past and appreciate it all, the good and the bad, and want to make the future be awesome and get to know people inside and out but still not understand them and stay up all night long and not be afraid of anything, especially things i want to do, and never let myself down. i want to be outside and not be cold. i want to own an animal shelter some day. i want to have conversations that last all night and not just listen to them. i want to affect people but i don't think i'm strong enough to do it. i love human beings as a species. i love when they're ridiculously transparent and predictable and when they're complicated and layered but deep down it's all the same and everyone wants what everyone else wants it's just everyone goes about obtaining it in totally different ways.

i wish mix cd's never got scratched and i wish i had made a mix cd for every day of my life. not so much so i could listen to it all now, but more so that now i'd know that i appreciated every song i'd heard each day.

i thought this was going to be a wasted sunday but now it doesn't feel like a sunday at all. it feels like the sun won't go down. and i don't want to be by myself right now but i'm prefectly content with all these feelings. i don't know. run on sentences that don't make sense are annoying but it doesn't matter.