I was gonna title this post "Mental Illness" but I'm no longer sure that there's any such thing as "mind," so the concept of having one, and it being ill, doesn't really mean much to me
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Oh my dear, I had no idea that you suffered in this way. Congratulations on two years of peace, but you want to re-establish that as your norm as soon as you can. I agree, you need help. Well done too on holding it together, but the effort it required can't be good for you long-term.
It's a tiny thing in the middle of everything else, but your mention of not being able to remember the way home struck a chord with me. I was sitting in my car in the supermarket car park and I had no idea of the way home! Several times when driving I'd get so far then wouldn't know which turn to take. Another time I couldn't remember where the lever was to open the fuel cap on my car.
Memory problems like that can be a symptom of pernicious anaemia due to B12 deficiency, so it would be worth getting that checked. Taking the tablets certainly cured my memory problems, which I was finding very frightening.
Interesting, since I also have PTSD! As to the B12 - for all we know, it works on whatever it is that causes disorientation to be manifested in PTSD...
it works on whatever it is that causes disorientation to be manifested in PTSD...
Yes, this. I know a number of people who swear by B vitamins in controlling depression, and it's certainly a helpful factor for me; I'm pretty sure in my own case that depression has arisen directly out of PTSD--that some neurochemical excess, deficiency or imbalance is the shared root of both conditions.
I can't say clearly enough or often enough that a physical-body approach has actually diminished my depression, where the psychological approach never touched it. Dietary change, hormonal balancing, exercise, supplements--these things have actually created healing. I'm not "cured" (as yesterday's cascade clearly and humblingly demonstrated) but I can live a normal life 99 days out of 100, and, as Captain Reynolds would say, "That's not nothin'."
I just paused an episode of the Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast to read your post in full. I found this podcast 3 or 4 days ago and have been mainlining it ever since. I find it to be an excellent balance of humour (the host is a comedian and the majority of his guests are as well) and frank, brutal honesty about mental illnesses and traumatic experiences. So far I've found that even when they're talking about situations or conditions or perspectives that I can't relate to (and even when the interviewee is someone who's work/persona I actively dislike), every episode has had something resonate with me immediately and profoundly in a "This. This is a line or strategy or viewpoint that will help me if I can remember it when I need it," way. It's already been immensely helpful for me.
If listening to other people be incredibly intimate with their past/current/ongoing struggles is something that might be useful for you as you figure out what your approach to this is going to be, I cannot recommend this podcast more highly.
OMG this is perfect! While I was at the grocery store trying not to cry anymore over the ground beef, I remember desperately trying to get Audible.com to recognize me so I could search for a title mental illness. Audible let me down, but this podcast is just what I needed. Thank you! There's something about listening that trumps reading for me. I'm not sure why that is, but the more agitated I am, the more I need to listen to something--possibly just to silence the voices in my head.
Your suggestion has had an unexpected benefit, too: I've just figured out how to add a podcast feed to my Ubuntu music player. Cool!
Just circling back to let you know that I've started listening to the podcasts and they're excellent. I'll be making this my go-to listening, I think, while I finish my current knitting project and get my mind back in order.
It's incredibly refreshing to hear intelligent, sound-minded people having an open and nuanced discussion of mental illness. I'm looking forward to more. Thank you again.
Thanks! Things were improved enough yesterday that I passed it in a good mood (though not very productively). Today I'm back at work. Surprisingly tired, still, but in the "normal" zone once more.
No apology needed. I'm always so happy to get comments, and when they come in over time, they let me go back and reassess whatever I wrote about in the post.
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It's a tiny thing in the middle of everything else, but your mention of not being able to remember the way home struck a chord with me. I was sitting in my car in the supermarket car park and I had no idea of the way home! Several times when driving I'd get so far then wouldn't know which turn to take. Another time I couldn't remember where the lever was to open the fuel cap on my car.
Memory problems like that can be a symptom of pernicious anaemia due to B12 deficiency, so it would be worth getting that checked. Taking the tablets certainly cured my memory problems, which I was finding very frightening.
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Yes, this. I know a number of people who swear by B vitamins in controlling depression, and it's certainly a helpful factor for me; I'm pretty sure in my own case that depression has arisen directly out of PTSD--that some neurochemical excess, deficiency or imbalance is the shared root of both conditions.
I can't say clearly enough or often enough that a physical-body approach has actually diminished my depression, where the psychological approach never touched it. Dietary change, hormonal balancing, exercise, supplements--these things have actually created healing. I'm not "cured" (as yesterday's cascade clearly and humblingly demonstrated) but I can live a normal life 99 days out of 100, and, as Captain Reynolds would say, "That's not nothin'."
Reply
If listening to other people be incredibly intimate with their past/current/ongoing struggles is something that might be useful for you as you figure out what your approach to this is going to be, I cannot recommend this podcast more highly.
Reply
Your suggestion has had an unexpected benefit, too: I've just figured out how to add a podcast feed to my Ubuntu music player. Cool!
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
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It's incredibly refreshing to hear intelligent, sound-minded people having an open and nuanced discussion of mental illness. I'm looking forward to more. Thank you again.
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Hang in there.
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