New Stage in Life

Nov 23, 2015 00:07

Dear LJ,

I haven't updated in almost half a year. I think that's the longest hiatus I've ever taken. Truly, many things happened during this time. I had the time of my life working for the National Academy Orchestra of Canada during the summer, and moved to Belgium, leaving behind all the friends and precious memories I've made during those months.

Yes, Belgium. Somehow my plan to study in Europe resulted in going to Brussels. The city I blogged about 7 years ago when I first visted Europe; the city I raved about; the city I called my favourite. But I had a completely different reaction when I landed this time. I arrived in late August, and have since made friends who come from various countries, speaking various languages. I now live with a Spanish roommate in the historical centre of the city. There are constant doubts, joyous spontaneity, new found connections and various things I experience everyday. I didn't think this is the right place, don't know if it's the right place, but somehow I ended up here.

A quick fastforward to this moment right now brings us to the ongoing IS terror threats. Since yesterday, downtown Brussels has been in a lockdown. Today, the police is hunting for a fugitive in the Grand Place area from which I only live several minutes away by foot. That beautiful square I once was so amazed to see is now constantly under construction(though I never see work being done) and bears resemblance of a neglected senior who is too frail to give himself a bath and losing teeth as he speaks. I walk home in the evenings and experience actual harassment from men. It actually feels sketchy and scary to be outside past 10pm no matter what neighbourhood you're in. It makes me feel that I'm finally living in the real world with real dangers.

But then I see tourists on my way to school every single day. Even during the darkest days with the heaviest rainfall, men and women in expensive clothing raise their expensive cameras and try to capture the perfect image. Unlike the deserted streets, the bright lit alleys of bars and pubs buzz with conversation and laughter. Is it really real? These tourists see Brussels through the same lens as 15 year old me. But living here, without that veil, is an entirely different experience. Sometimes I think about this twofold reality. And how I can never really know a place in its entirety just like I can never really know all the faces of one person, including myself.

Today marks the 3rd day I've had to stay at home. Here, a weekend doesn't feel like a weekend without an outing with a friend or two with a drink or two in hand. I've finally learned to not binge drink every single time. There's always something happening. As I'm getting older, I'm acquiring more and more friends to hang out with once in a while and less friends I spend time with everyday. But it's the moving around. I've never had roots. Just a leaf in the river, going wherever the stream takes me.

life

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