long time no see
Hi LJ,
It's been another while since I've crawled back to this place of a shipwreck . I'm less of a mess - or more, depends on how you see it - this time!
Lately I've been experiencing such a variety of emotions and physical changes that something new pops up every time I think I've learned to cope with them. I'm a little stuck between suppressing stress and handling social relationships (who isn't?!). A month ago I called mental health to ask about my therapy placement and they didn't even have me on the list. There was a lot of confusion and then they apologized profusely and told me they would schedule an appointment for me in 2 weeks but that never happened. Classic McGill admin...
Usually at a critical point of life, something always collapses inside me. But it's okay, I've learned to give the most out of the bare minimum that I reduce myself to. And it's always at a time like this that I stop, take a step back, and start reflecting.
How does one live a fulfilling life? I have always placed all my hope, passion on and made an emotional pillar of career achievement. For me, it's the safest, purest, most straightforward way of establishing self worth. Gain approval of others - at least at this stage - of those that I respect. But at the same time, I'm growing and becoming more confident with myself. But career achievement is only one of the most conventional ways. Romance, climbing the ladder within a social niche, monetary wealth and living stability are among others. Romance sort of permeates most of the other areas as well. Brahms couldn't have left us with his transcendental gems of profound expression if it weren't for Clara. Some of Beethoven's most beautiful works are attributed to the mysterious Beloved.
But what if we forget about all these norms? What if we threw career achievement, soulmate-ship, social status, money and settling down out the window? There are so many people right now who are pursuing what I call the "modern pilgrimage". Some of them aren't even that young. They are so grateful about life everyday because they discover new things and do different things in different places and meet different people everywhere. They discover themselves by immersing in the unfamiliar. But it really isn't just about finding the way. Many of them were never lost to begin with. They become so independent on so many levels. So free from all the strings and ties. Sounds like everything that would complete me.
Some other people choose even more extreme routes. Some completely withdraw from society and live anonymously, alone and disappear from the world but spend their life doing what they love which can be as simple as building wooden houses in the forest. Although I'm not really proud of this but having penpals and talking to people on the internet has opened my eyes so much to the different kind of lifestyles one can adopt. Most of the time, I feel like these extreme choices come as a reaction against what they experience in their upbringing and immediate social environment. But can you say it's wrong? What is the most important thing about living life? Being content and happy with oneself, right? We're at an age where we advocate the idea of living for ourselves and no one else so what's the point of condemning those who don't live up to mainstream standards?
I guess at the end of the day, I will probably still clutch onto my career dreams because I don't have anything else with the same degree of certainty, and hope that everything else just comes into place in the process of getting where I want/need to be. What's more is that the craft I've chosen to perfect requires me to become a better person as a whole in order to succeed and so I will definitely know it when that happens.
It's been another while since I've crawled back to this place of a shipwreck . I'm less of a mess - or more, depends on how you see it - this time!
Lately I've been experiencing such a variety of emotions and physical changes that something new pops up every time I think I've learned to cope with them. I'm a little stuck between suppressing stress and handling social relationships (who isn't?!). A month ago I called mental health to ask about my therapy placement and they didn't even have me on the list. There was a lot of confusion and then they apologized profusely and told me they would schedule an appointment for me in 2 weeks but that never happened. Classic McGill admin...
Usually at a critical point of life, something always collapses inside me. But it's okay, I've learned to give the most out of the bare minimum that I reduce myself to. And it's always at a time like this that I stop, take a step back, and start reflecting.
How does one live a fulfilling life? I have always placed all my hope, passion on and made an emotional pillar of career achievement. For me, it's the safest, purest, most straightforward way of establishing self worth. Gain approval of others - at least at this stage - of those that I respect. But at the same time, I'm growing and becoming more confident with myself. But career achievement is only one of the most conventional ways. Romance, climbing the ladder within a social niche, monetary wealth and living stability are among others. Romance sort of permeates most of the other areas as well. Brahms couldn't have left us with his transcendental gems of profound expression if it weren't for Clara. Some of Beethoven's most beautiful works are attributed to the mysterious Beloved.
But what if we forget about all these norms? What if we threw career achievement, soulmate-ship, social status, money and settling down out the window? There are so many people right now who are pursuing what I call the "modern pilgrimage". Some of them aren't even that young. They are so grateful about life everyday because they discover new things and do different things in different places and meet different people everywhere. They discover themselves by immersing in the unfamiliar. But it really isn't just about finding the way. Many of them were never lost to begin with. They become so independent on so many levels. So free from all the strings and ties. Sounds like everything that would complete me.
Some other people choose even more extreme routes. Some completely withdraw from society and live anonymously, alone and disappear from the world but spend their life doing what they love which can be as simple as building wooden houses in the forest. Although I'm not really proud of this but having penpals and talking to people on the internet has opened my eyes so much to the different kind of lifestyles one can adopt. Most of the time, I feel like these extreme choices come as a reaction against what they experience in their upbringing and immediate social environment. But can you say it's wrong? What is the most important thing about living life? Being content and happy with oneself, right? We're at an age where we advocate the idea of living for ourselves and no one else so what's the point of condemning those who don't live up to mainstream standards?
I guess at the end of the day, I will probably still clutch onto my career dreams because I don't have anything else with the same degree of certainty, and hope that everything else just comes into place in the process of getting where I want/need to be. What's more is that the craft I've chosen to perfect requires me to become a better person as a whole in order to succeed and so I will definitely know it when that happens.