Diagnosis
Dysthymia (/dɪsˈθaɪmiə/ dis-thy-mee-ə, from Ancient Greek δυσθυμία, "melancholy"), sometimes also called neurotic depression,dysthymic disorder, or chronic depression, is a mood disorder consisting of the same cognitive and physical problems as depression, with less severe but longer-lasting symptoms.
According to the diagnosis manual DSM-IV's definition of dysthymia, it is a serious state of chronic depression, which persists for at least 2 years (1 year for children and adolescents); it is less acute and severe than major depressive disorder.[4] As dysthymia is a chronic disorder, sufferers may experience symptoms for many years before it is diagnosed, if diagnosis occurs at all. As a result, they may believe that depression is a part of their character, so they may not even discuss their symptoms with doctors, family members, or friends.
Story of my life. I don't wanna say that I called it but I did come across the term years ago and told you that it describes me perfectly but you told me it was just a phase. Anyway, it may be a diagnosis of the past; I may be getting better but I will get Cog-Behavioural therapy in the fall because this is probably my last chance to get affordable therapy so if I can't fix myself completely I'm gonna at least try to fix part of it.
That and a little bit of social anxiety, she said. Well yes, wouldn't it be logical to pull out those labels after all I've told her. I'm literate too and I can identify my own disorders with logic as well. But I happen to need a professional to tell me to convince people that I don't need to convince. It's really not the diagnosis that I needed. I need to know where the problems stem from and nobody will know unless it comes from my mouth and if it comes from my mouth I will be intelligent enough to do my own analysis, wouldn't I?
Today was a pretty eventful day. But above all, it's interesting how I borrowed the Forsters as I came out of my last psychologist's appointment and I returned them after today's appointment. I had a little moment in the morning before I put it in my bag and held it in my hand as I felt the texture of the hard cover. For the first time, I didn't want to part with a book. It wasn't because of the content but because it has accompanied me through such a strange period of time and it's been the first tangible thing that has been through hard times with me. In the past I've always relied on music but music comes and goes, you can't ever catch it. This book was something I could read and hold onto. Forster's writing is dry and efficient compared to other authors. He's not poetic and never writes long and elaborate descriptions. I love the style. I should really thank y'all who pushed me to read because I think it really did take my mind away from myself a little.
Well, that's all incredibly depressing business, pun unintended. I wish I could just be easy. I wish I could be an easy person.