Respecting Limits
It's hard to realize you aren't superman or have superpowers, despite the acumen achieved where the illusion sometimes is pretty darn good.
This is my mental map of ascending event responsibility:
- Attending an event
- Attending an event with someone else
- Attending an event in service to someone else
- Attending an even in service to someone else who also has event responsibilities
- Having event responsibilities in service to someone else attending who also has event responsibilities
- Producing the whole darn event attending with your personal relationship partners who each have their own responsibilities including your owner who is a presenter at the event
Mixing personal and pleasure can be a great idea, but something I learned this weekend is there really is only SO early you can wake up to get it all done and you really shouldn't try. Breakfast in bed for him, quickie nosh for you, packing up final supplies for event, packing up his final decision stuff, and you have to be the first ones there. Even doing as much as I could the week/night before doesn't mean that much when you've got so many juggling demands.
Even as an attendee there's a lot of demands- what to wear, how to get there, what the schedule is, how to pay attention, how to socialize.
Saturday I sacrificed myself to have the rest of everything else- Hypnoguru cared for in his personal and presenter needs, attendees touched in on, other partners connected with in small consistent ways, food prepped and moved out readily, etc, etc. But I was running on lower than prime sleep and pushed my food needs aside to give to others.
I completely and utterly abandoned my concept of "If you don't take care of yourself first, you're no good to anyone else." And the consequence was heavy.
In the mid afternoon, I KNEW I needed to lie down for awhile. I could feel the edges of migraine territory. But Hypnoguru was there...and I knew he'd want to watch in on the class...so I pushed myself. I gritted my teeth through happy smiles through the end of the day, and the moment I could, I collapsed. Staying horizontal, cool, dark, drugs, and food helped nurse me back but I certainly was on the brink there.
And I sheepishly admitted I had not taken care of myself as I should have and would endeavor to do better. This was received with serious expectation and warm connection for figuring it out myself before they had to say it explicitly. It's not a crime to take care of myself first, it's not horrible to have them take care of themselves or find someone else to do it. Still learning those limits that will free me to be better.
This is my mental map of ascending event responsibility:
- Attending an event
- Attending an event with someone else
- Attending an event in service to someone else
- Attending an even in service to someone else who also has event responsibilities
- Having event responsibilities in service to someone else attending who also has event responsibilities
- Producing the whole darn event attending with your personal relationship partners who each have their own responsibilities including your owner who is a presenter at the event
Mixing personal and pleasure can be a great idea, but something I learned this weekend is there really is only SO early you can wake up to get it all done and you really shouldn't try. Breakfast in bed for him, quickie nosh for you, packing up final supplies for event, packing up his final decision stuff, and you have to be the first ones there. Even doing as much as I could the week/night before doesn't mean that much when you've got so many juggling demands.
Even as an attendee there's a lot of demands- what to wear, how to get there, what the schedule is, how to pay attention, how to socialize.
Saturday I sacrificed myself to have the rest of everything else- Hypnoguru cared for in his personal and presenter needs, attendees touched in on, other partners connected with in small consistent ways, food prepped and moved out readily, etc, etc. But I was running on lower than prime sleep and pushed my food needs aside to give to others.
I completely and utterly abandoned my concept of "If you don't take care of yourself first, you're no good to anyone else." And the consequence was heavy.
In the mid afternoon, I KNEW I needed to lie down for awhile. I could feel the edges of migraine territory. But Hypnoguru was there...and I knew he'd want to watch in on the class...so I pushed myself. I gritted my teeth through happy smiles through the end of the day, and the moment I could, I collapsed. Staying horizontal, cool, dark, drugs, and food helped nurse me back but I certainly was on the brink there.
And I sheepishly admitted I had not taken care of myself as I should have and would endeavor to do better. This was received with serious expectation and warm connection for figuring it out myself before they had to say it explicitly. It's not a crime to take care of myself first, it's not horrible to have them take care of themselves or find someone else to do it. Still learning those limits that will free me to be better.